The Arden Hills prove to be as dangerous as their reputation, as the trap within a trap costs blood and souls to pass it. Yet the party continues onward in search of the Thistledown girls. Could these statues be just as deadly as the traps in the wood?
Find out as we continue Champions of the Goblin Market, a Dungeon Crawl Classics adventure.
Starring
Jeff
Schroeder
Lucas
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[00:00:00] The Rancors Brothel presents...
[00:00:03] You hear an echoey voice seemingly coming from one of the statues that screams,
[00:00:43] Show your stones and state your song!
[00:00:46] Drop my pants.
[00:00:52] I don't get a laugh at you very often, so this is really appreciated.
[00:00:57] The only reason why is because I think you were dumb enough that Lucas would do this in real life.
[00:01:03] So I didn't see your character, I saw you doing it as we're all walking through the fucking woods.
[00:01:10] I just imagine the seer in robes, I'm trying to figure out how he drops his pants.
[00:01:15] He's not like a robed figure, he just thinks he's high and mighty.
[00:01:22] So you're waggling your dick in the general direction of things.
[00:01:25] Show your stones, this is what I'm doing.
[00:01:28] No, I will reach in the bag and pull out the stone that I took.
[00:01:32] And then what was, sorry, what was going to happen?
[00:01:34] And present your wares.
[00:01:35] Show your stones and state your song!
[00:01:38] No, state your song.
[00:01:40] I'm blue da ba dee da ba da, mamma dee da ba da.
[00:01:46] I don't know what the song is.
[00:01:48] He begins to rage in front of us.
[00:01:51] With his dick out.
[00:01:53] You can dance if you want to.
[00:01:55] You can leave your friends by.
[00:01:56] Everybody!
[00:01:57] Nobody?
[00:01:58] Shit.
[00:01:59] I present the stone.
[00:02:01] Okay.
[00:02:02] Anything else?
[00:02:04] The statues don't appear to do anything in response to someone doing the safety dance.
[00:02:15] No, I'm gonna let him go ahead.
[00:02:17] Dance!
[00:02:19] I mean, there is no response from the echoey voices of the elven guards.
[00:02:26] Does anyone know goblin songs?
[00:02:29] Or elven songs?
[00:02:30] I have an elf.
[00:02:31] Will my elven guy know any songs?
[00:02:33] I mean, like most people know songs, sure.
[00:02:36] Elven songs?
[00:02:38] I mean, sure.
[00:02:40] What do you want to call an elven song?
[00:02:41] I don't know.
[00:02:43] Whatever's thematically appropriate to get me through this archway.
[00:02:46] It's you, man.
[00:02:47] I mean, you could state that five finger death punch is...
[00:02:50] Blue suede shoes is elvish.
[00:02:52] Is it really?
[00:02:53] Why do you say that?
[00:02:55] What do you mean?
[00:02:55] Blue suede shoes, nothing but a hound dog, those are all elvish.
[00:03:00] I gotcha.
[00:03:01] Solid.
[00:03:02] I actually have a magic card that's an elvish impersonator.
[00:03:06] I now want to go dressed up as an elvish impersonator.
[00:03:10] Like I 100% want to cosplay.
[00:03:13] That's pretty funny now.
[00:03:15] Yeah, no.
[00:03:16] Do you hyphen the h?
[00:03:19] No.
[00:03:20] No, you're just in like the white jumpsuit with the ears.
[00:03:27] Oh my god.
[00:03:28] I've never wanted to cosplay with something else in my entire fucking life.
[00:03:33] Yep, there it is.
[00:03:34] I really want to go to Gen Con just specifically to go as an elvish impersonator.
[00:03:40] Vivo Los Vegas.
[00:03:43] I wouldn't be like...
[00:03:43] You'd have to make it more thematic though.
[00:03:46] No, 100% not.
[00:03:47] It's an elvish impersonator.
[00:03:49] I would go as fat elvish with elf ears.
[00:03:51] That's it.
[00:03:52] We just gotta get that sequined jumpsuit.
[00:03:55] It can't be that.
[00:03:56] I'm sure you can find like a Halloween shops got something.
[00:03:59] A thousand percent.
[00:03:59] Yeah.
[00:04:00] And the fake hair.
[00:04:01] Like that's it.
[00:04:01] Oh yeah, you gotta get the pompadour.
[00:04:04] I saw a thing the other day where somebody...
[00:04:06] And it's...
[00:04:06] I think it's very offensive to Elvis, but they had taken Vivo Las Vegas.
[00:04:11] It was Vivo Las Vegas.
[00:04:13] I don't know if it was Vivo Las Vegas the song or not, but it's definitely...
[00:04:15] That's the only movie of Elvis' I've ever seen.
[00:04:18] And they had cut out all the background music just to his singing.
[00:04:24] Which his singing in the movie is not gonna be the way he performed on stage, you know what I mean?
[00:04:27] Yeah.
[00:04:28] But it was like...
[00:04:32] And it was just like...
[00:04:33] It was horrific.
[00:04:34] Like, it was like, Elvis isn't anything without his music and his band.
[00:04:37] And I'm like, folks, this was a live music performance.
[00:04:41] Let's...
[00:04:41] Let's roll it back.
[00:04:43] You know, let's...
[00:04:44] Let's not totally, you know...
[00:04:47] Put some respect on that man's name.
[00:04:49] National treasure.
[00:04:50] Uh, you got anything, uh, that's elvish?
[00:04:53] Yeah, he sing...
[00:04:54] Sings and song in elvish and...
[00:04:57] Sing it, you bitch!
[00:04:59] Immerse me, you fuck!
[00:05:00] Holds the, uh, stone aloft.
[00:05:03] Sing!
[00:05:05] I'm singing, and I don't know why I'm here.
[00:05:09] And...
[00:05:10] You're my dad!
[00:05:11] And I've never met you before.
[00:05:17] I could do the whole elf sequence or we could get sued, it's up to you.
[00:05:20] You hear a very disgruntled voice, it says,
[00:05:23] Four lines that rhyme, idiot!
[00:05:27] Um, yeah.
[00:05:28] You could've easily passed if you'd given me any four fucking lines that rhyme.
[00:05:33] How am I supposed to know that's what I need?
[00:05:34] I know!
[00:05:35] Just pick a fucking song that rhymes, like, almost every song!
[00:05:39] Goddamn!
[00:05:40] Eminem Slim Shady.
[00:05:42] If you think you're getting out of this without singing something, you're very wrong.
[00:05:46] For fuck's sake.
[00:05:47] Is that the television or your child?
[00:05:49] Quit stalling.
[00:05:52] Sing Nightingale.
[00:05:53] I gotta find a good song.
[00:05:56] The 33 foot tall statues attack.
[00:06:01] If either of you would like to jump in, feel free otherwise let Lucas drown in front of this roleplaying experience.
[00:06:06] It's up to you.
[00:06:08] Oh, I'm going to let him drown.
[00:06:11] It's just my style.
[00:06:12] It's almost as if, like, there's a Linkin Park song about drowning that rhymes.
[00:06:16] Or, you know, Mary Had a Little Lamb that fucking rhymes.
[00:06:20] Or, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star that fucking rhymes.
[00:06:23] I just want to know what song your astrologer identifies with.
[00:06:27] Probably Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
[00:06:32] Jesus, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, however I wonder what you are.
[00:06:34] I hope I'm all so high.
[00:06:36] Like a diamond in the sky.
[00:06:38] That song sucks!
[00:06:39] You may pass!
[00:06:43] Lucas's characters are, uh...
[00:06:45] What do you want to do?
[00:06:46] You've been told you may pass.
[00:06:47] You pass through.
[00:06:49] Lucas's characters move down the boulevard of Broken Dreams, which could also be a rhyming thing.
[00:06:54] Uh, who's next?
[00:06:56] Is it a heart of this?
[00:06:57] No, they're busy Googling something appropriate, I'm sure.
[00:07:02] Did I send you that the other day, Jeff?
[00:07:04] Send me what?
[00:07:05] Have you ever seen, um, The Hobbit or The Lord of the Rings animated films from like the 70s and 80s?
[00:07:10] Yeah, the Rankin Bass.
[00:07:11] There was, uh...
[00:07:12] I think I sent it to you.
[00:07:14] There was a video of the goblin...
[00:07:15] You were asking about elf songs.
[00:07:17] And there's a goblin song about being whipped.
[00:07:20] Yeah.
[00:07:21] And like, going to war and how they don't want to go to war but they're whipped.
[00:07:24] Where there's a whip, there's a way.
[00:07:26] Yeah, no!
[00:07:26] Like that would...
[00:07:27] Yeah.
[00:07:28] It was like, where there's a whip, there's a way.
[00:07:31] Where there's a whip, there's a way.
[00:07:34] Sounds terrible.
[00:07:36] Na na na na na na na.
[00:07:38] No, there was some...
[00:07:39] And the down, down, down to Goblin Town and all that stuff in those movies.
[00:07:44] Yeah.
[00:07:47] Who's next?
[00:07:47] Uh, the mercenary steps up with his stone and says,
[00:07:50] There once was a man from Nantucket who kept all his cash in a bucket.
[00:07:54] But his daughter named Nan ran away with a man.
[00:07:57] And as for the bucket...
[00:07:59] What?
[00:08:00] You messed up the part that's just bucket!
[00:08:02] You only needed the first four.
[00:08:04] As for the bucket.
[00:08:04] You only needed the first four lines anyway.
[00:08:06] So you're good.
[00:08:09] Cody just died.
[00:08:12] And as for the bucket, Nan took it.
[00:08:16] I believe it's Nantucket.
[00:08:20] But anyway...
[00:08:21] Um, you hear some snickering, uh, from the statues.
[00:08:27] And you hear,
[00:08:28] You may pass!
[00:08:29] Um, intelligence roll from your best character, Jeff,
[00:08:34] since you don't actually know what your int rolls are.
[00:08:36] Oh.
[00:08:37] You just choose one or you gotta do them all now?
[00:08:40] I wish you do whatever you want.
[00:08:41] Uh...
[00:08:42] I need an int roll.
[00:08:43] It should be from your best character, but if you just wanna choose one,
[00:08:46] just let me know who it is.
[00:08:48] Editor, uh, throw that roulette wheel.
[00:08:52] But no, it was the rankin' and best.
[00:08:53] The best is a zero.
[00:08:57] Four.
[00:08:57] Damn.
[00:08:58] Those fuckin' elf statues, real scary.
[00:09:01] You only needed four lines.
[00:09:02] I was gonna, I was trying to look up the actual goblin song from Pathfinder,
[00:09:08] Kingmaker game.
[00:09:09] Nice!
[00:09:10] But I couldn't find the lyrics.
[00:09:12] So I'll just do, like, the Wellerman bullshit thing.
[00:09:16] So, soon may the Wellerman come to bring us sugar and tea and rum.
[00:09:20] One day when the tuggin' is done, we'll take our leave and go.
[00:09:24] Huh.
[00:09:24] There's at least a rhyme in there.
[00:09:26] Yeah.
[00:09:26] I don't know that all four lines rhyme, but...
[00:09:29] You may pass!
[00:09:30] Uh, intelligence check from one of your characters.
[00:09:32] Was I supposed to make an int check?
[00:09:33] I don't know.
[00:09:34] Ten.
[00:09:34] Yeah, you fucked it up.
[00:09:36] Um...
[00:09:37] Not surprisingly, those statues aren't actually talking to you.
[00:09:41] Um...
[00:09:41] Yeah, it's goblins up on top of them?
[00:09:44] Mmm...
[00:09:45] You don't think so.
[00:09:46] Okay.
[00:09:49] They're...
[00:09:50] There's a good chance you wouldn't understand them, if they were speaking in the goblin language.
[00:09:54] You get the sense that they are, um...
[00:09:57] I don't know if Ten's gonna...
[00:09:58] I'll credit Ten, because Ten's the DC that he's been putting in a lot of this book.
[00:10:02] Those statues are probably...
[00:10:05] Hollow.
[00:10:06] And they're hiding inside the statues.
[00:10:08] What is?
[00:10:09] Goblins.
[00:10:10] It is goblins.
[00:10:11] It's definitely a goblin voice, but it's echoing because they're inside the statue.
[00:10:16] Got ya.
[00:10:17] Um, which would give them unbelievable cover if they chose to attack you.
[00:10:21] But you guys have passed the test, so you can go along.
[00:10:24] I pull my pants up.
[00:10:25] Useful.
[00:10:26] Um, but you can walk through the archway.
[00:10:28] If you so choose.
[00:10:29] Yeah, we're going.
[00:10:30] Yep.
[00:10:30] Eh, I know.
[00:10:31] You pass through the Briar Gate into a scene most obscene and fantastical.
[00:10:36] A once magnificent...
[00:10:37] A once magnificent...
[00:10:39] Magnificent?
[00:10:40] Stone plaza that teems with waddling goblins engaged in bizarre business.
[00:10:45] Rickety stalls teeter in rows throughout the plaza, their tables sagging with strange wares like jars of curious animals,
[00:10:54] fruits that slink like slugs, and stolen salvage tinkered into sloppy shape.
[00:11:00] The goblins hardly pause in their haggling to give you a side...
[00:11:03] To give you sidelong glares with their beady bleary red eyes.
[00:11:07] The plaza center is dominated by a dry fountain featuring a colossal statue of a beast with a lion body and eagle head and wings.
[00:11:16] Upon the fountain's rim, a hulking, heavily furred shape waves you over with his massive leather paw.
[00:11:23] He remains seated by a large pile of small oozing fruits, but his menacing glare fixes you with undeniable gravity.
[00:11:32] Why are all the fruits, like, gross?
[00:11:35] That's a great question.
[00:11:37] It's this dude, by the way.
[00:11:38] Mm-hmm.
[00:11:39] So as you have stepped in, again, you're sort of seeing this dry fountain in the middle with sort of a griffin or something similar statue.
[00:11:47] Stalls everywhere, goblins milling about, yelling hawkig goods.
[00:11:52] But you see this massive...
[00:11:54] He's a big boy.
[00:11:56] Like, eight foot tall.
[00:11:58] Sort of an ursine face.
[00:11:59] Bat ears.
[00:12:01] Ashy skin under white fur.
[00:12:04] And he's just waving to all of you to come towards it.
[00:12:08] I'm good.
[00:12:09] Who says that?
[00:12:12] Let's put that on the halfling.
[00:12:14] Tent.
[00:12:14] Tent?
[00:12:15] I'm good.
[00:12:15] He looks right at tent without wavering his gaze at all.
[00:12:19] Doesn't even seem like he blinks, which is...
[00:12:21] I really thought that you said his name was Tit.
[00:12:24] No, it's Tent.
[00:12:25] He's a dyer.
[00:12:26] Sorry.
[00:12:27] He looks at Tit.
[00:12:29] Um...
[00:12:29] Some name?
[00:12:31] It's disconcerting because it's like he doesn't blink.
[00:12:33] Mm-hmm.
[00:12:34] And he just goes,
[00:12:35] Here.
[00:12:37] Now.
[00:12:38] I'm good.
[00:12:39] He moves as if to stand.
[00:12:41] Anyone else?
[00:12:42] Yeah, my guys would actually just walk over there.
[00:12:44] Yeah.
[00:12:45] Sure.
[00:12:47] Uh...
[00:12:48] You don't have to.
[00:12:50] Who's your character who's approaching first, Schroeder?
[00:12:52] Probably Hamich.
[00:12:53] The fortune teller.
[00:12:55] Hamich the fortune teller.
[00:12:56] He looks like you approach and of course no matter who you are.
[00:12:59] I mean, he's an eight foot guy sitting on a fountain.
[00:13:02] He's fucking huge.
[00:13:03] Right?
[00:13:03] He sort of like leans over you.
[00:13:05] His shadow over, you know, like encompasses your body.
[00:13:09] He's fucking massive.
[00:13:10] Probably doesn't smell very good.
[00:13:12] Um...
[00:13:12] He looks at you and he says,
[00:13:14] Tell me your deepest sin.
[00:13:19] Hmm.
[00:13:20] I would imagine it's just like stealing.
[00:13:24] Like conning people.
[00:13:25] He's a fortune teller.
[00:13:26] Sure.
[00:13:27] Bullshitting people out of money.
[00:13:28] Is there anything narratively you want to say or are you just sort of saying that?
[00:13:32] I don't know if you want to come up with anything or if you just want to sort of hand it.
[00:13:35] No, I mean he just, he probably consistently steals from the town idiot where, like as he travels.
[00:13:41] Right.
[00:13:42] So, you know, my, some of my prophecies are lies and I'm stealing from people.
[00:13:45] It's kind of what you said.
[00:13:46] Yeah.
[00:13:47] Yeah.
[00:13:47] You, you know that feeling when you, how do I describe it?
[00:13:54] When you have a mouth full of vomit, like it's so sudden and like it just comes out of nowhere and it feels like you have to whatever.
[00:14:00] You suddenly feel like he gets the words out and then he feels like he's choking on something.
[00:14:04] And he looks at, um, the, the sort of massive furry white furry creature says, open your mouth.
[00:14:12] Uh, he will.
[00:14:14] And he's bends down with his, uh, forefinger and thumb.
[00:14:18] And you feel something that wasn't there.
[00:14:21] It's like something has just filled your mouth and you see him reach in with these clawed fingers and he pulls out a fruit out of your mouth.
[00:14:31] It looks, it's sort of a rotten fruit.
[00:14:34] You're, you, you taste kind of bile and sort of this, this taste of just rot.
[00:14:39] And he extracts this fruit out of your mouth and you see him turn and he sets it on the pile.
[00:14:45] And you notice that the, the bruised and rotten fruit pile beside him looks very, very similar to, to what he just pulled out of your mouth.
[00:14:53] Your other characters, we're ready to go through this, but we'll move along.
[00:14:57] Um, after, after pulling this fruit out of your character's mouth, he sort of just dismissively hand waves you.
[00:15:02] He turns to Jeff.
[00:15:03] Who is your character?
[00:15:05] The cobbler.
[00:15:06] Dick.
[00:15:08] He says the same thing.
[00:15:09] Tell me your deepest sin.
[00:15:11] He tells him about this time he went to the theater and went up in the balcony and started making vomiting noises.
[00:15:19] And all the people down below started vomiting.
[00:15:23] Not to get really topical, but I thought you were going to shoot an elected official.
[00:15:28] Let me get an elected official.
[00:15:29] Let me get an elected official.
[00:15:35] This is the worst part.
[00:15:38] That's way better than I thought that you were going to go.
[00:15:41] Um, okay.
[00:15:41] That's total good.
[00:15:42] He's reference.
[00:15:44] Uh, do you actually feel that is his deepest sin or is he lying?
[00:15:46] Oh no, that, that, that, he thinks that's the worst thing he ever did.
[00:15:50] A similar ritual occurs.
[00:15:52] You feel this sort of vomiting feeling.
[00:15:54] He tells you to open your mouth.
[00:15:56] He extracts a rotten fruit.
[00:15:58] He sets it in his pile.
[00:15:59] He swivels to tint.
[00:16:02] Is tint still defiant?
[00:16:04] Oh, tint in the back.
[00:16:05] Oh yeah, no.
[00:16:06] He's, he, he's got eyes locked with tint.
[00:16:08] Oh.
[00:16:08] I once dyed my wife's face blue.
[00:16:13] On purpose.
[00:16:14] Deepest sin.
[00:16:16] Nope, that's it.
[00:16:16] It was when he was drowning her in the dying bag.
[00:16:28] For the next month and a half, I called her bluey blue blue face.
[00:16:32] As she laid there rotting on the floor.
[00:16:34] He extracts a rotten fruit from you and he sort of dismisses the group.
[00:16:38] How do you think I met this guy?
[00:16:39] He starts digging a grave.
[00:16:45] Um, he waves you along.
[00:16:47] You are now in an open air market.
[00:16:49] Um, you begin to hear, um, cries from sales folks.
[00:16:54] Puzzle boxes, mysterious puzzle boxes, see sights unseen, show you such delights.
[00:17:00] Fruits of knowledge, vegetables of sin, fruits of knowledge, vegetables of sin.
[00:17:05] Question.
[00:17:05] Yeah.
[00:17:06] Throughout all of this nonsense, have we, or have we still been following the trail of this person?
[00:17:12] You don't have a trail at this point to follow.
[00:17:14] We're just going nonchalantly.
[00:17:16] Okay.
[00:17:17] Exotic animals.
[00:17:19] We lost two people to get here.
[00:17:20] We're not turning back.
[00:17:21] No, I was just curious if we still have the trail.
[00:17:24] Bye my Moogwai.
[00:17:25] So does anybody who loves baths, who's from the city, have any idea that this was fucking
[00:17:30] here the entire time?
[00:17:31] Probably not.
[00:17:32] No.
[00:17:32] Like you knew that the Fae were here.
[00:17:34] You get the sense that this is some sort of bizarre, bizarre.
[00:17:39] Um, this is the goblin city from Labyrinth.
[00:17:42] It's almost as if it were the goblin market as illustrated on the cover.
[00:17:46] Yeah.
[00:17:46] It's, it's, it's something bizarre, which by the way would recommend, uh, what's it called?
[00:17:51] Goblin market by Christina Rose, Rosetti.
[00:17:55] Um, which is a really cool poem about like two sisters fucking off and dealing with goblin
[00:18:01] curses and shit.
[00:18:02] It's awesome.
[00:18:04] Which is what he loosely based this on.
[00:18:06] Um, so yeah, you see guys hawking, goblins, hawking, all kinds of things.
[00:18:13] Yep.
[00:18:14] Hawk-a-toeing all kinds of things.
[00:18:15] You do see that this sort of Canyon area, um, there are stalls and all kinds of things
[00:18:22] in this bizarre.
[00:18:23] There are other places you could go.
[00:18:25] You could go to the east, you could go to the north, you could go to the west, but you
[00:18:28] don't necessarily.
[00:18:29] Again, it's like rooms in a dungeon.
[00:18:31] The forest kind of clogs in the canyon.
[00:18:34] It doesn't give you a good idea what those things are in that direction.
[00:18:37] But there are plenty of, um, sort of like every scene in any middle Eastern or Asian market
[00:18:44] ever in a Hollywood film.
[00:18:46] Like people are pressing up against you, trying to get you to buy wares and...
[00:18:51] What's it look like they're trading with?
[00:18:55] Um, very rarely are you seeing money exchanging.
[00:18:58] Right.
[00:18:58] You're seeing whispers, you're seeing whatever.
[00:19:01] They seem to offer you things.
[00:19:03] Um, ah, yes, get this, the fortune of your life.
[00:19:07] Give only a lock of your hair.
[00:19:08] Ah, yes, I will give you this magic item.
[00:19:11] Give me your shoes.
[00:19:12] Like, those are the types of promises that you're getting.
[00:19:15] And the goblins seem to be backstabbing and fucking with each other because that's what goblins do.
[00:19:22] Yeah.
[00:19:23] Well, you just want to continue to look around?
[00:19:26] I mean, the whole goal is try and find the girls, right?
[00:19:29] Yes.
[00:19:31] Do you want to look at anything in particular?
[00:19:33] Do you want to talk to anybody?
[00:19:35] Do you want to move out of this area?
[00:19:38] I'll ask the dude who pulled the fruit out of my mouth.
[00:19:41] Is it?
[00:19:42] If he has seen the girls.
[00:19:44] Mmm.
[00:19:46] Do you get one of those fruits from them?
[00:19:48] And what do you do with those?
[00:19:50] Eat.
[00:19:53] Did you get one from the girls?
[00:19:55] He looks at you and sort of contemplates it.
[00:19:58] You get the sense that he's not a, he's not a massive bugbear of many words.
[00:20:04] Um, I have seen no humans at the market but you.
[00:20:11] Okay.
[00:20:14] No customers.
[00:20:16] So you've seen humans as not customers.
[00:20:18] They have other uses for humans around here?
[00:20:21] He contemplates this for a minute.
[00:20:23] It's almost as if he's thinking about the right word to say.
[00:20:28] Slaves, sacrifices, offerings.
[00:20:31] He sort of shrugs as if that explains everything.
[00:20:34] Okay.
[00:20:35] Can you point me in the direction?
[00:20:37] Of.
[00:20:39] You said slaves, sacrifices, and offerings.
[00:20:42] How about you point me to each one?
[00:20:44] He thinks about this for a minute.
[00:20:47] He points.
[00:20:52] You see him point northeast and then you see him point west.
[00:20:58] There is no like way to go northeast.
[00:21:01] There is a way to go west.
[00:21:04] Okay.
[00:21:04] You could go north or east but you can't go northeast if that makes sense.
[00:21:09] You see him reach over and pick up a fruit and like.
[00:21:13] It's the second time I'm in as many weeks I think that I'm making a Denethor reference but sort of sloppily eat it like Denethor.
[00:21:19] And he just looks down at you.
[00:21:21] Thank you.
[00:21:22] Where do you want to go first?
[00:21:24] West.
[00:21:26] Um, people continue to try and hawk wares to you.
[00:21:29] Do any of you want to talk to any of the goblins?
[00:21:32] Hawking wares.
[00:21:34] Yeah, sure.
[00:21:35] Who would you like to talk to?
[00:21:36] I don't know.
[00:21:37] What are they hawking?
[00:21:40] We had a guy selling, uh, what'd I say?
[00:21:43] Fruits of knowledge, um.
[00:21:45] Vegetables of sin.
[00:21:47] Vegetables of sin, which I thought was a solid line.
[00:21:50] Fruits of knowledge.
[00:21:51] Ah, yes, yes, yes.
[00:21:53] Can I offer you, uh, fruits of knowledge?
[00:21:55] These will make you wise beyond your years.
[00:21:57] How can I help you?
[00:21:59] What do they cost?
[00:22:01] What are you asking?
[00:22:02] Who's talking to me?
[00:22:04] Uh, the cobbler.
[00:22:05] Hmm, yes, yes, yes, yes.
[00:22:08] I think they cost only the shoes off of your feet, good sir.
[00:22:12] How about I make you your own?
[00:22:16] Tempting, tempting, but I need your shoes.
[00:22:21] I'm just gonna laugh when he says...
[00:22:23] Jeff is scratching something off of his cobbler's character sheet, in case it may be useful.
[00:22:28] I was gonna see if he had an extra pair of shoes.
[00:22:31] But no, he has a shoe horn.
[00:22:34] Um...
[00:22:35] You know, I think I've got a long way back home.
[00:22:38] I'm gonna, probably gonna need these.
[00:22:40] Hmm...
[00:22:40] Well, if you change your mind...
[00:22:42] I will definitely keep you in mind.
[00:22:43] Of course.
[00:22:45] More people tend to haggle things.
[00:22:47] Like, I'm thinking of the, uh, um, the bit from Robin Williams in the beginning of Aladdin, like, people are offering you George Foreman grills.
[00:22:55] Tupperware!
[00:22:56] It's the best tupperware in the land.
[00:22:58] What is the thing that he says?
[00:22:59] It slices, it's dices, it makes julienne fries!
[00:23:02] Ah, it broke.
[00:23:04] But they confront you as you, presumably, head west, right?
[00:23:08] Yep.
[00:23:08] Uh, you begin to hear cries and commotion to the west.
[00:23:15] Uh, you see that there is a narrow stairway of tilting half-buried stones.
[00:23:22] Proceed downward?
[00:23:23] Yeah, sure.
[00:23:24] Um, it leads to a wide canyon ledge where a crystalline temple crumbles like a melting cake.
[00:23:31] Even before reaching the scum-covered quartz of this floor, commotion resounds from within its toppled pillars.
[00:23:38] A massive black wolf encircled by trembling goblins stalks in a circle in front of a bloody shrine's many icons.
[00:23:46] Heaving its spews ichor on the ground before fixing its mad eyes on you and charging initiatives.
[00:23:54] Oh shit.
[00:23:56] As always with DCC level zeros, you need your best initiative and your party initiative.
[00:24:01] I need to get my dry erase.
[00:24:02] Uh, I need to figure out what my initiatives are.
[00:24:05] What's that based on me?
[00:24:06] What's that based on me?
[00:24:07] What's that based on me?
[00:24:14] What's that based on me?
[00:24:16] What's that based on me?
[00:24:36] Schroeder is 13.
[00:24:38] I bet you're all acting before me.
[00:24:40] Hold on.
[00:24:40] I haven't rolled yet.
[00:24:42] Doot doot doot doot.
[00:24:46] I hope my fortune teller connects.
[00:24:48] He'd be able to tell you if he can.
[00:24:50] Pull, look at, look at his cards.
[00:24:52] Oh, perfect!
[00:24:53] Yeah.
[00:24:54] Goddammit!
[00:24:54] Lucas!
[00:24:56] Yeah.
[00:24:57] It's you.
[00:24:58] How far is this thing?
[00:24:59] Um, close enough to do stuff too.
[00:25:03] Um, as you, as you move down into this sort of area where this sort of like melted crystalline sort of like temples stuff with iconography, you see a group of goblins kind of circled around and they're all kind of crying in commotion at this sort of like massive black dire wolf.
[00:25:22] Hmm.
[00:25:22] And he seems to be just vomiting all over the place, um, in sort of an attack.
[00:25:27] And it's just like a rabid dog and it's sprinting towards you, uh, with a look of malice.
[00:25:34] Sling!
[00:25:36] Go right ahead.
[00:25:39] That's a six on the die.
[00:25:41] Uh, that's a six, so that's probably gonna miss a bitch.
[00:25:43] Uh, yeah, six doesn't do it.
[00:25:45] Um, I have two slings, so I will have...
[00:25:50] Agility zero.
[00:25:52] It's a 15.
[00:25:55] Uh, 15 hits.
[00:25:56] Cool.
[00:25:57] The rock goes slinging through the air, strikes off the thing's head for...
[00:26:04] Four plus strength modifier.
[00:26:07] Do you take a negative if it's a negative strength modifier?
[00:26:09] I would assume so.
[00:26:10] You do.
[00:26:10] Okay, I didn't know if it mattered.
[00:26:11] So then it's a three.
[00:26:12] Okay.
[00:26:13] Cause I rolled a four on the die.
[00:26:14] You strike the thing in the face, you see it, uh, begin to bleed profusely over its eye, but it keeps charging.
[00:26:20] Your other two characters.
[00:26:23] Um, I don't know what the distance on the whip is, and the other one has a staff, so they are close combat characters.
[00:26:29] They would both need to get close.
[00:26:30] They would need to run up towards it.
[00:26:33] Um...
[00:26:33] Which would potentially put them in harm's way.
[00:26:35] Yeah, so I kind of don't want to do that.
[00:26:37] It's up to you.
[00:26:38] Um, they prepare to defend themselves.
[00:26:41] Alright, Jeff!
[00:26:43] And now I gotta figure out what my equipment is.
[00:26:45] You gotta scratch a lot of shit off, bud.
[00:26:48] Equipment, strength, agility possibly.
[00:26:50] You wanna go while he's scratching shit?
[00:26:53] No, just keep playing the roulette wheel.
[00:26:56] No, I'll just wait for you.
[00:26:58] Just go with the first character.
[00:26:59] That you find out what it's weapon is.
[00:27:02] Where there's a whip, there's a way.
[00:27:05] You can give me your other characters and I can start scratching them off.
[00:27:07] If you need me to while you're playing the roulette wheel.
[00:27:09] Nope, I'm good.
[00:27:10] Everything's good?
[00:27:11] Um...
[00:27:12] The dwarf is going to...
[00:27:13] Strength modifiers?
[00:27:15] Oh yeah, fuck.
[00:27:17] Depends on what they're doing, I suppose, but yeah.
[00:27:20] Yep.
[00:27:21] Wow, dwarf sucks.
[00:27:24] Um...
[00:27:25] Not a great member of the Brass Rocks clan.
[00:27:27] Yep.
[00:27:28] Uh, the dad...
[00:27:28] He's gonna use the sling.
[00:27:31] Sling away!
[00:27:33] It's a four.
[00:27:34] It's a four.
[00:27:34] The rock goes sailing through the air.
[00:27:36] You hear a goblin in the nearby crowd cry out in pain.
[00:27:43] Collateral fucking damage.
[00:27:45] Uh, the mercenary will use a sling too.
[00:27:49] Heh.
[00:27:49] Get rid of them tokens.
[00:27:52] Bup, tick!
[00:27:53] Bum, ba-da, wah!
[00:27:55] That's a nat one.
[00:27:58] Is there a misfire table?
[00:27:59] I don't remember.
[00:28:00] I'll look up for one.
[00:28:01] Let's see what your other characters do.
[00:28:03] Uh, the other one doesn't really have anything to do.
[00:28:06] He's not gonna run up.
[00:28:07] Okay.
[00:28:08] Uh, let me...
[00:28:08] What's the range on a spear?
[00:28:11] Don't know if it's not my head.
[00:28:12] It is...
[00:28:13] Only...
[00:28:14] It's a 1d8.
[00:28:15] There is no range.
[00:28:16] Yeah.
[00:28:16] Which means you can't throw it probably.
[00:28:18] Which is weird.
[00:28:18] What about a dagger?
[00:28:19] Can you throw that?
[00:28:20] You can throw a dagger.
[00:28:23] Daggers are...
[00:28:23] 10, 20, 30.
[00:28:25] So what's that mean?
[00:28:26] How far away am I in?
[00:28:28] Shit like that.
[00:28:29] He just said...
[00:28:30] I asked him the same question.
[00:28:31] He said an appropriate amount.
[00:28:32] So just...
[00:28:32] You're fine.
[00:28:33] Do what now?
[00:28:35] He's throwing a dagger.
[00:28:37] Yep.
[00:28:37] No, there's a range listed on it, but...
[00:28:39] Yeah, he just said it.
[00:28:40] We don't know how far away we are.
[00:28:41] That's why I asked you how far away we are.
[00:28:43] You said it was fine.
[00:28:44] Uh, 12 the dagger goes sailing past.
[00:28:47] You do have to roll a fumble, I believe, on your, um...
[00:28:51] Your character who rolled a 1.
[00:28:52] Oh, the fumble table.
[00:28:53] Where do I roll?
[00:28:55] Uh...
[00:28:56] I remember.
[00:28:56] I got a fumble chart.
[00:28:58] Do you want a fumble?
[00:28:58] 4, 2.
[00:28:59] D20?
[00:29:00] Nah, I think it's a...
[00:29:04] I would guess a d20 minus luck.
[00:29:07] It'd be my guess.
[00:29:08] Minus luck?
[00:29:09] Yeah, because you want it to be low.
[00:29:12] 15.
[00:29:13] Jesus Christ, I hope that's not right.
[00:29:15] You better, uh...
[00:29:16] You better double check that.
[00:29:17] What's your luck?
[00:29:18] 2.
[00:29:19] 2 rolled a 17?
[00:29:21] Holy shit.
[00:29:23] It's table, uh, 4-2.
[00:29:25] It's fumbles.
[00:29:26] I don't think that was any wrong there.
[00:29:27] Oh.
[00:29:30] Fumbles.
[00:29:31] You want me to read it?
[00:29:31] Bad?
[00:29:31] Real bad.
[00:29:32] Yeah, sure.
[00:29:33] Go ahead.
[00:29:34] 15.
[00:29:35] You somehow managed to wound yourself.
[00:29:36] Take normal damage.
[00:29:37] Hmm.
[00:29:38] How many hip ones you got, bud?
[00:29:39] The natural one is fumble, fumbles.
[00:29:41] I think it's a special roll.
[00:29:43] No, it's, um...
[00:29:44] It's a special die.
[00:29:46] Oh?
[00:29:46] What kind of armor are you wearing?
[00:29:48] Oh, it's a...
[00:29:49] Is that character wearing armor?
[00:29:52] Uh...
[00:29:52] Yes.
[00:29:54] Hide?
[00:29:55] D12.
[00:29:55] D12.
[00:29:56] Oh, it's a D12?
[00:29:57] Yep.
[00:29:57] Oh, for the fumbled die.
[00:29:58] For the fumbled die.
[00:29:59] Yeah.
[00:29:59] It's a D12.
[00:30:00] Correct.
[00:30:01] If he's wearing that high.
[00:30:03] D12 minus your luck.
[00:30:05] 12.
[00:30:06] Minus your luck.
[00:30:07] Wait, that's a...
[00:30:08] That's not a D12.
[00:30:09] Minus your luck?
[00:30:10] He rolled a 14.
[00:30:12] It looked like a 12.
[00:30:14] Still got a 12.
[00:30:15] Five.
[00:30:16] That's a little better.
[00:30:17] So, and five total?
[00:30:18] Is that minus your luck?
[00:30:19] Yep.
[00:30:20] Five.
[00:30:20] Roll a seven.
[00:30:21] You trip and fall, wasting this action.
[00:30:23] You are prone and must use an action to stand next round.
[00:30:25] Sweet.
[00:30:26] No big deal.
[00:30:27] So you're laying on the ground.
[00:30:29] At least now you know how many HP you have.
[00:30:31] Uh...
[00:30:31] Anything else?
[00:30:32] We've done all your characters right.
[00:30:33] Yep.
[00:30:34] Schroeder.
[00:30:35] One sling.
[00:30:38] Uh, 17.
[00:30:39] 17.
[00:30:40] 17 will hit.
[00:30:40] The rock embeds itself in the side of the direwolf, dealing...
[00:30:46] Four damage.
[00:30:47] You had strength, don't you?
[00:30:49] Uh, four damage.
[00:30:50] All right.
[00:30:51] Four damage.
[00:30:52] Uh, four damage.
[00:30:55] It winces in pain but keeps rushing towards you.
[00:30:59] Other characters.
[00:31:00] Amos is gonna step up, take a swing with the spear.
[00:31:03] Oh, you're gonna try and stab it?
[00:31:04] Yep.
[00:31:04] Okay, so you go rushing towards it.
[00:31:06] Amos being the first one to approach it in melee combat.
[00:31:11] That's five from over here.
[00:31:12] It's a four.
[00:31:13] Sweet.
[00:31:14] Great roll.
[00:31:15] You do not hit the wolf.
[00:31:18] All right.
[00:31:19] And Haymitch is gonna...
[00:31:22] Uh...
[00:31:22] Pull it to death?
[00:31:24] No.
[00:31:26] That would be funny if he just stakes the pole so it rams it so far.
[00:31:29] That's what you do, right?
[00:31:30] Aim for its eye.
[00:31:32] Um...
[00:31:32] How fucking terrifying must that be in combat?
[00:31:35] Just like, let the cavalry charge at you and just lean down on your spear and hope you can hold it?
[00:31:40] Yeah.
[00:31:40] Did a lot of damage.
[00:31:42] Fuck yeah, because the horse is doing all the momentum.
[00:31:45] Yeah, Haymitch is gonna try and sling as well.
[00:31:47] Yep.
[00:31:47] Sling away.
[00:31:48] Uh...
[00:31:49] It's a 12.
[00:31:50] That's not bad.
[00:31:51] A 12 does hit.
[00:31:53] You said a 12 missed.
[00:31:55] When did you tell me 12?
[00:31:56] When I threw the dagger.
[00:31:57] Oh, really?
[00:31:58] Sorry, my bad.
[00:31:58] A 12 did hit.
[00:32:05] I didn't hear you say 12.
[00:32:05] Plus strength for damage.
[00:32:07] Plus strength for damage.
[00:32:08] Yeah.
[00:32:09] Four?
[00:32:09] Okay.
[00:32:10] I didn't know if you scratched it off yet, sorry.
[00:32:11] Oh, no, I did.
[00:32:12] I haven't.
[00:32:13] Sorry.
[00:32:14] Figure out what that modifier is.
[00:32:15] Okay.
[00:32:16] So it has been hit by two rocks and an arrow.
[00:32:20] Or two rocks and a dagger, I mean.
[00:32:23] Right.
[00:32:23] Okay.
[00:32:24] Well, now it's three rocks.
[00:32:25] Okay.
[00:32:26] Because he hit with a 12.
[00:32:27] So he just did three damage.
[00:32:28] Okay.
[00:32:29] Again, plus strength if you have it.
[00:32:31] And it's three damage.
[00:32:32] Yeah.
[00:32:32] Um, so who's that character with the last rock?
[00:32:35] Hamish.
[00:32:36] So Hamish sees your other character who ran forward with the thing and try and stab it.
[00:32:41] It sort of dodges out of the way of that spear.
[00:32:43] And as he does, he lets loose with the sling and the thing is not paying attention.
[00:32:47] And he puts, he puts that rock from the sling right through this, this black wolf's eye.
[00:32:55] And you see it sort of seize up and twitch and it falls over.
[00:32:58] Because it's AC or it's HP was 14.
[00:33:01] It's AC is 12.
[00:33:02] So I probably thought that it's AC was 14 when I told Jeff it missed.
[00:33:06] Yep.
[00:33:06] Gotcha.
[00:33:07] Um, um, the slaying of this wolf draws a cheer from most of the goblins.
[00:33:13] Um, Lucas is doing the queen wave.
[00:33:17] Did you hit it?
[00:33:18] Yeah.
[00:33:18] Okay.
[00:33:19] I'm just curious.
[00:33:19] Um, you see one, one of the slings, you see one particular, uh, um, goblin come running
[00:33:27] over and sort of, uh, grabs a hold of the, um, dead wolf and sort of cradles it in his
[00:33:33] arms.
[00:33:34] So is that your wolf?
[00:33:36] It turns, uh, the goblin turns to you, looked at, to look at you.
[00:33:41] Um, says, my father will see you paid for this.
[00:33:46] It's voice just dripping with malice.
[00:33:50] I mean, I suppose you could, if you wanted to.
[00:33:54] I shovel him in the face.
[00:33:56] I only have one chaotic character.
[00:33:57] Sorry.
[00:33:58] Would you like to shovel him in the face?
[00:34:00] Nah, it's fine.
[00:34:01] Is your grave digger chaotic?
[00:34:02] Yeah.
[00:34:02] So is mine.
[00:34:04] That's like, he's got one hit point and a shovel.
[00:34:06] He's chaotic as fuck.
[00:34:07] Yeah.
[00:34:09] Yeah.
[00:34:09] That's exactly as mine is too.
[00:34:11] One hit point and shit.
[00:34:13] We don't give a shit.
[00:34:14] The cobbler will look at him and say, oh really?
[00:34:17] What's he owe us?
[00:34:18] We've slain the beast.
[00:34:19] It tried to kill us.
[00:34:21] He was trying to kill you as well.
[00:34:23] He, uh, you see him turn from you and he begins, um, screaming something in a language
[00:34:29] you don't understand.
[00:34:30] And a few other goblins come running over and they pick up the corpse of the wolf and
[00:34:34] they go back towards the, uh, towards the marketplace.
[00:34:38] Um, you see another, uh, goblin in robes come running up to you.
[00:34:42] Ah, thank you.
[00:34:43] Uh, thank you so much for saving my congregation.
[00:34:46] I am, um, I, I am, I am so glad that you, you were able to save us from this, from this
[00:34:53] blight.
[00:34:54] That one was upset.
[00:34:54] The prophets of Lamashtu.
[00:34:57] Uh, yes.
[00:34:58] Is his name Knock Knock?
[00:35:00] He is, uh, he is certain, he is Sir Nix.
[00:35:04] Um, he attempted to, um, he attempted to invoke the blessings of Volos improperly, I believe.
[00:35:12] And it caused his, his best hunting wolf to go feral.
[00:35:16] It is an unfortunate thing indeed.
[00:35:18] Can't be mad at me.
[00:35:19] No, of course not.
[00:35:20] True he can.
[00:35:21] But, uh, of course, I, if.
[00:35:23] Self defense.
[00:35:24] If any would, uh, if any of you are followers of Volos, I would be, I would be happy to bless
[00:35:30] you and to show you my temple.
[00:35:32] What is, out of the game, what is Volos?
[00:35:34] The god.
[00:35:35] I don't know if your characters would necessarily know who Volos is.
[00:35:37] Who wouldn't know what gods are?
[00:35:39] Well.
[00:35:39] We don't know fey gods.
[00:35:42] That's, that's probably fair.
[00:35:43] Your character is, um, you have an astrologer, right?
[00:35:46] I do.
[00:35:47] I feel like astrologer.
[00:35:48] You could probably give a d20 on an intelligence check.
[00:35:51] It's a knight, uh, sorry, 17.
[00:35:54] 17's really good.
[00:35:55] Uh, Volos.
[00:35:56] Minus one, not plus one.
[00:35:57] Volos is a goblin god, um, that is sort of like, it's a faceless god, um, that sort
[00:36:04] of is a manipulative god.
[00:36:06] Faceless gods aren't good.
[00:36:07] It sort of stalks from the shadows.
[00:36:09] Volos, um, it is an envious, jealous, and spiteful god.
[00:36:14] Well.
[00:36:14] So it would not surprise your astrologer that invoking its blessing improperly would cause
[00:36:21] it to do something like this.
[00:36:22] Well, invoking Volos, I can understand the canine's reaction.
[00:36:25] Yes, it must be done the proper way.
[00:36:28] Are you a follower of Volos?
[00:36:29] I would be happy to show you my temple.
[00:36:30] No, but I'm illiterate, man.
[00:36:32] Ah, I see.
[00:36:33] I read words.
[00:36:34] Not currently, but I'm always in the market.
[00:36:37] Ah, yes.
[00:36:38] Uh, would you, would you care to see the temple?
[00:36:40] Please, please, let me show you.
[00:36:41] Yes.
[00:36:41] For some reason, the astrologer is very rapidly becoming the new Cecil.
[00:36:45] Um.
[00:36:48] Does he have one HP too?
[00:36:49] No, he's got three.
[00:36:50] Ah, okay.
[00:36:51] You see, he takes you into the building, um, uh, which appears to be a, an elven chapel
[00:36:59] that they have.
[00:37:01] Quaint.
[00:37:02] Converted.
[00:37:03] Converted is a good way.
[00:37:04] Defiled might be more.
[00:37:06] Desecrated.
[00:37:06] Desecrated might be another way.
[00:37:07] Depends on your perspective.
[00:37:09] Right.
[00:37:10] Liberated might be what he would suggest.
[00:37:13] Um, um, the pillars show markings depicting the night sky at Midsummer.
[00:37:18] Uh, the floor shows a star map to, uh, nearby locations.
[00:37:23] Um, the shrine itself depicts a lean, faceless god with long spindly fingers outstretched.
[00:37:31] Slenderman.
[00:37:32] Yeah, they worship Slenderman.
[00:37:35] Um, under the figure are numerous icons, um, that resemble commoners, goblins, humans,
[00:37:43] et cetera.
[00:37:43] You, they, they're depicted clearly as non-god figures.
[00:37:47] Um, and they appear to have their, their faces like they were carved and then their
[00:37:52] faces were intentionally defiled and scratched out as part of this faceless god ritual.
[00:37:57] Um, the priest who will, um, introduce himself as pestbinder.
[00:38:03] Um, just going on and on and on about Volos and trying to convince you that any who will,
[00:38:08] any willing to renounce their god and swear a blood oath of loyalty to Volos will receive
[00:38:14] my blessing.
[00:38:15] I am a, I'm a devoted cleric in the path of Volos and I'm happy to share, uh, and teach
[00:38:22] his blessings to all of you, to such great warriors.
[00:38:25] And he's just, he's just going to go on and on like a fucking infomercial at two in the
[00:38:29] morning until you stop him.
[00:38:30] Do you have any pamphlets or, or newsletters that I can read over?
[00:38:33] Uh, he begins looking for material to share with you.
[00:38:37] Do you have any magical items that can help us upon a quest?
[00:38:40] He does hand you a sheet of paper, but it's mostly pictographic.
[00:38:43] Uh huh.
[00:38:44] Um, crudely showing a faceless slender man conquering over all other gods.
[00:38:51] This is very interesting.
[00:38:52] I will, I will, I'll go over this and get back to you.
[00:38:54] Yes, yes, yes.
[00:38:55] Of course.
[00:38:55] I would be happy to, uh, to share in the blood oath with you.
[00:38:59] Just simply come, you know, uh, let me know.
[00:39:01] I can, we can get a sacrifice.
[00:39:03] It's no problem.
[00:39:04] Is there a particular type of time of day that this needs to happen or?
[00:39:08] Uh, no, not necessarily.
[00:39:09] We are moving into midsummer when the power is, is the strongest throughout the temple.
[00:39:13] Oh, excellent.
[00:39:14] And it's always important to, to sacrifice during midsummer.
[00:39:16] Well, speaking of sacrifice, we're looking for two little girls.
[00:39:19] Girls?
[00:39:20] Human girls.
[00:39:21] Ah, interesting.
[00:39:22] I have not seen any humans outside yourselves in the market.
[00:39:26] Uh, uh, if I still do.
[00:39:28] I was gonna ask a question and then I realized what you said.
[00:39:31] Then I got confused about what you said.
[00:39:32] You're.
[00:39:33] Uh, he's not, I guess he should say, I've not seen any,
[00:39:37] I've not seen any humans in the market or around my temple in the, in, uh, this midsummer.
[00:39:43] What about outside the marketplace?
[00:39:45] I.
[00:39:45] Away from there.
[00:39:46] I have been, uh, devoted to the, um, to Volo's, um, upcoming ceremony as part of the
[00:39:52] Midsummer revelry.
[00:39:53] I.
[00:39:54] Your astronomer may want to check out the star charts and stuff.
[00:39:58] See if there's anything he can pick up.
[00:40:01] Um.
[00:40:01] Isn't Volos the name of?
[00:40:03] Volo?
[00:40:03] Volo.
[00:40:04] Volo, man.
[00:40:05] Uh, isn't it a character in Soul Calibur?
[00:40:08] It's a character in D&D.
[00:40:10] I know.
[00:40:11] Uh, I think it's also in Soul Calibur.
[00:40:13] I feel like Volos is a, is a, is a often used mythological character, but I don't know
[00:40:19] where it comes from.
[00:40:20] Um, yes.
[00:40:21] If you check out the star charts, you see, um, the, the star map on the floor indicates,
[00:40:27] uh, an area that would be known to you, which is the river town of Slough.
[00:40:31] And the other depicts a mountain that you don't recognize.
[00:40:35] You understand where it is from a star map.
[00:40:37] You don't understand from a geographic perspective why it would be depicted.
[00:40:42] Okay.
[00:40:43] But yes, who, who would, who would participate?
[00:40:45] Even though we're not at Midsummer, I'm happy to convert you to Volos and to, if you, but
[00:40:51] renounce your current gods and, and join me in the worship of the Faceless One.
[00:40:56] His, may his extended digits protect you at all times and, and embrace you in the dark
[00:41:04] of the night.
[00:41:05] I'll keep making shit up until you guys engage in the story.
[00:41:09] Slavic paganism, God of earth, waters, livestock, and the underworld.
[00:41:14] Neat.
[00:41:15] See character in Soul Calibur.
[00:41:17] Cause I feel like there's a creepy character with like long spindly sword hands.
[00:41:21] And I feel like his name started with a V.
[00:41:23] I don't know why I think it's Volo.
[00:41:25] I want to do this with one of my characters, but the problem, Voldo, that's it.
[00:41:30] But the problem is, is if the blood oath deals a single point of damage.
[00:41:34] That character's not making it through.
[00:41:38] No, but that's a hell of a sacrifice.
[00:41:40] It is a sacrifice.
[00:41:42] Fuck it.
[00:41:43] I'm going to do, I think my grave digger is going to do it.
[00:41:45] Okay.
[00:41:48] Um, he's going to, uh, take off everything that he's wearing and give it to the rest of
[00:41:53] his party.
[00:41:55] So that way he could be fully engaged in the, please cover up.
[00:42:01] Totally nude and rock hard.
[00:42:04] As you should be.
[00:42:06] Um, he, uh, you see him sort of, he begins, ah, yes.
[00:42:10] He begins to chant.
[00:42:11] And he, he says some stuff in goblin that don't, doesn't make sense.
[00:42:15] And he pulls out a ritualistic dagger and begins to sort of like dance with it and wave in
[00:42:20] the air and proselytize before this thing.
[00:42:23] And then he turns quickly to look at the character and you see him reach out for this
[00:42:29] body.
[00:42:34] He reaches out with a dagger and he cries in a, in actually a language you understand.
[00:42:39] It says forever.
[00:42:40] May my soul be in your herd of Olos.
[00:42:43] And he reaches out quickly.
[00:42:44] Like he's going to just stab him right through the chest.
[00:42:47] And he just with the end of the dagger, like pokes him on the finger.
[00:42:52] And then there's just a little drop of blood.
[00:42:54] Like you're doing a blood test.
[00:42:55] And he reaches out with the other hand and squeezes that drop of blood on the altar.
[00:42:59] And then he turns and looks at him and goes, it is done.
[00:43:01] You are one of Olos her.
[00:43:03] And then he just fucks off.
[00:43:06] If you don't want to go all the way out of the salt tire,
[00:43:08] Elfin Moon is also doing the same shit.
[00:43:10] Oh, nice.
[00:43:12] Well, so congratulations.
[00:43:13] You're a follower of Olos now.
[00:43:15] Gotcha.
[00:43:16] Cool.
[00:43:17] How do you feel?
[00:43:19] I don't think you want to put clothes back on.
[00:43:21] Yeah.
[00:43:22] Can I have my stuff back?
[00:43:23] Feel cold?
[00:43:24] Yeah.
[00:43:25] It's chilly out, isn't it?
[00:43:27] He re-equips.
[00:43:28] And he's ready to go along on his way.
[00:43:30] I feel like...
[00:43:31] I'll give you a chip for being dumb enough to join the Cult of Olos.
[00:43:35] Yeah.
[00:43:36] Mark that on your character sheet.
[00:43:37] That won't come up later.
[00:43:38] I don't think he's going to make it anywhere later.
[00:43:41] He's going to make it.
[00:43:42] Write it down.
[00:43:43] You never know.
[00:43:44] Cult of Olos.
[00:43:48] I think he didn't kill me because I specifically told him I only had one HP.
[00:43:53] What?
[00:43:54] What?
[00:43:55] Okay.
[00:43:55] Ugh.
[00:43:57] Now what do you want to do?
[00:43:59] Now that one of your parties become part of the Cult of Olos.
[00:44:03] There's...
[00:44:03] Essentially we have to go back the way we came, right?
[00:44:05] Yeah, there's no other way to go here.
[00:44:06] So we go back the way we came.
[00:44:07] Alright, you're back in the czar.
[00:44:10] And we can go...
[00:44:11] Mogwai baths!
[00:44:12] It's your mogwai baths.
[00:44:14] There was no way to go north and east.
[00:44:15] There is a way to go north and east.
[00:44:17] We turn back and look and his character's already just painted up and tattoos and shit like that.
[00:44:22] He's got the fucking like...
[00:44:25] The Uruk-hai.
[00:44:26] Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking.
[00:44:29] There's a third ed game that I would love to in and amongst the many things that I promise to do for this podcast.
[00:44:36] There was a 146 page adventure called The Red Hand of Doom which is all about goblin hordes.
[00:44:43] It came out for third ed.
[00:44:44] It's over there somewhere.
[00:44:45] It looks fucking fantastic as far as like...
[00:44:48] Because it's not like you're fighting the big bad.
[00:44:50] You're just fighting goblins the whole time.
[00:44:52] And like it...
[00:44:52] It was a third or three-five campaign.
[00:44:55] It's one of the only campaigns I bought from that era.
[00:44:57] It's called The Red Hand of Doom and I'm like, I've always wanted to play that because it looks fun.
[00:45:01] You know, one of the only modules for third edition or three and a half I ever ran tied into Curse of Strahd.
[00:45:09] Oh yeah?
[00:45:10] Yeah.
[00:45:10] Which one was it?
[00:45:10] It was the one where Galthaeus dies and creates the tree.
[00:45:16] Oh nice.
[00:45:17] Yeah, the Galthaeus tree.
[00:45:19] Yeah.
[00:45:20] If you run it, you have to have Ian do a cover of Red Right Hand by Nick Cave.
[00:45:25] It's kind of ideal.
[00:45:26] You can pull that out of your ass but nothing outside of me feeding you Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, huh?
[00:45:33] It took you 20 minutes to tell me I had to sing a song.
[00:45:35] I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.
[00:45:37] Uh, Edgar, go back to the part where it says, uh, state your song.
[00:45:41] Yeah, I gave you the name of a song.
[00:45:43] You didn't say sing one.
[00:45:45] Was there a way to go east?
[00:45:46] Or was it just north?
[00:45:47] Yes, there is a way to go east.
[00:45:49] So are we going north or are we going east?
[00:45:50] We have to go northeast so it doesn't really matter.
[00:45:52] Pick one.
[00:45:53] Apparently there's no direct path.
[00:45:54] We're going north.
[00:45:56] Okay, you're gonna go north.
[00:46:00] Heading north.
[00:46:02] Uh, you head again through kind of a gateway.
[00:46:04] Um, this roundabout's pearlescent stones fade into the dust and surround a vast entryway into the ground that's now clogged with moss-covered boulders.
[00:46:16] A half-burrowed, a half-buried stairway snakes west, while to the east, a tight canyon is guarded by a team of four goblins standing squat in steely plate metal.
[00:46:30] Here in the roundabout, goblins huddle around cooking flyers, sending suspicious stares, save for one.
[00:46:37] He stares at you from beside a small pile of gold treasure, two bedraggled halfling men shackled and downcast beside him.
[00:46:46] Why do you mouthed flyers to me?
[00:46:48] What were you?
[00:46:49] Yeah.
[00:46:49] Why?
[00:46:50] I thought that's what he said.
[00:46:51] You said flyers or fires?
[00:46:53] Cooking fires or flyers?
[00:46:55] Well, which makes more sense.
[00:46:56] Fires, but I'm pretty sure you said flyers with an L.
[00:47:00] Nope, nope.
[00:47:03] Motherfucking, motherfucking master chef fucking flying overhead in a gyrocopter.
[00:47:08] That's what it is.
[00:47:08] I'm pretty sure you said flyers.
[00:47:10] Well, when he said that, it made me think you said flyers, and I was like, is he passing out like-
[00:47:14] That's what I heard.
[00:47:15] He's passing out pamphlets for fucking cooking classes.
[00:47:18] Yeah, it's like I didn't know what we were doing.
[00:47:21] No.
[00:47:22] Goblins huddle around cooking fires, sending suspicious stares, save for one.
[00:47:28] Who over edits this?
[00:47:29] Please be sure.
[00:47:30] The dude who's losing his voice the whole time and has a throat lozenge in?
[00:47:33] Yes.
[00:47:34] My apologies, you dick.
[00:47:39] 33.
[00:47:40] Perfect.
[00:47:42] The...
[00:47:44] The...
[00:47:45] The one who isn't around cooking fires is sitting next to a pile of treasure and two chained halflings?
[00:47:51] Yep.
[00:47:51] The pile of flyers.
[00:47:52] And he's staring at you intently with a gleeful look.
[00:47:57] Would you like to see a picture of him?
[00:47:59] Sure.
[00:47:59] Because remember where I talked about this artwork?
[00:48:01] Oh yeah.
[00:48:01] This is, maybe outside of the cover image, my favorite photo in this entire game.
[00:48:08] I assume this is going to a group chat.
[00:48:10] Uh, nope.
[00:48:11] Smoke signal.
[00:48:12] Hear it?
[00:48:14] Thanks for whoever, uh, fluffed the trash bag upstairs the second I said that.
[00:48:21] Brilliant.
[00:48:22] Uh, I will send it to the editing chat just to fuck with Troy.
[00:48:27] He's aware.
[00:48:28] He is.
[00:48:29] Kudos to BKM.
[00:48:31] I'm not sure who BKM the artist is.
[00:48:33] I will look it up as you guys get to look at it.
[00:48:35] Nice.
[00:48:35] Um, Bradley K. McDivitt, who does do a lot of, uh, no wait, BKM.
[00:48:44] Yeah.
[00:48:45] Bradley K. McDivitt, um, who does a lot of, uh, DCC stuff.
[00:48:49] Nice.
[00:48:50] He did the character portraits in this, I believe.
[00:48:52] Did you describe whether or not there were other exits to this area?
[00:48:56] I did.
[00:48:56] Um, there is a stairway snaking west and to the east, a tight canyon guarded by a team of
[00:49:02] four goblins in steely plate metal.
[00:49:06] The cobbler is giving the, the guy with the halflings the eye because he thinks he's flirting
[00:49:10] with them.
[00:49:11] He'll wave you over.
[00:49:12] Yeah.
[00:49:13] Yeah.
[00:49:13] He'll go over.
[00:49:14] Mm-hmm.
[00:49:16] Um, uh, just thinks he's also a member of the cult of Volos.
[00:49:21] So he's going over like, Oh, what's up?
[00:49:23] Um, this, uh, goblin is dressed in silk finery from a distant land.
[00:49:28] His eyes, his ear, sorry, his ears and face pierced by numerous gold hoops.
[00:49:35] Um, he offers, uh, he says, yes, yes.
[00:49:38] A chat.
[00:49:39] Share the venison.
[00:49:40] I have a cooking on this cooking fire nearby.
[00:49:43] He's sort of, you know, turning it as well.
[00:49:46] Oh, I thought they were flyers.
[00:49:48] Yep.
[00:49:48] Feeding the fire with the flyers.
[00:49:50] Correct.
[00:49:50] I'll keep it going.
[00:49:51] Does it actually look like venison?
[00:49:53] Smells like venison anyway.
[00:49:55] Please, please tell me your lives.
[00:49:57] I, I enjoy tales of the road and exploration.
[00:50:00] Tell me where you've been.
[00:50:01] Tell me what you've seen.
[00:50:02] I'd love to know what to see next.
[00:50:03] He starts talking about shoes.
[00:50:05] Okay.
[00:50:06] Just, just keeps talking.
[00:50:08] Everything about leatherworking and hobnails and...
[00:50:14] See, the difference between eight eyelets versus the traditional six is that you're able to tie higher up on the ankle, which gives you more support.
[00:50:24] What are those things called on the ends of the shoelaces? Aglets?
[00:50:27] Yes.
[00:50:28] Yeah.
[00:50:29] Talks for five minutes about aglets.
[00:50:31] Let us call them plastic bits.
[00:50:33] This is, um, a fascinating story.
[00:50:36] Anyone else?
[00:50:39] Tales of the Road.
[00:50:41] If the shopkeeper and his son were another story, I had to beat them to death with their own shoes.
[00:50:47] Anyone else?
[00:50:52] What up, Prego?
[00:50:54] Oh, a box of food?
[00:50:56] Hamish would tell a misfortune with his tarot cards.
[00:51:00] Excellent to enjoy mysteries, then.
[00:51:04] The mysteries of the arcane.
[00:51:05] The mystic.
[00:51:06] Mm-hmm.
[00:51:08] Would you like to know the secret of this place?
[00:51:11] Sure.
[00:51:11] Answer a riddle.
[00:51:14] What is your favorite color?
[00:51:19] Yellow. Wait, no, blue!
[00:51:22] It's orange.
[00:51:24] He begins to, he begins to stroke his chin and says,
[00:51:27] A barrel of water weighed 60 pounds.
[00:51:30] Someone put something in it, and now it weighs 40 pounds.
[00:51:34] What did the person add?
[00:51:37] Hair.
[00:51:38] Space.
[00:51:41] Wrong and wrong.
[00:51:46] Is there no riddle master amongst you?
[00:51:50] Why does everybody look at me?
[00:51:52] Well, because we both answered wrong already?
[00:51:55] Because you're the oldest and the wisest.
[00:51:57] Is that what it is?
[00:51:58] Isn't it?
[00:52:00] I don't know.
[00:52:02] A barrel of water that weighs 60 pounds.
[00:52:06] Somebody adds something to it.
[00:52:08] Somebody put something in it, and now it weighs 40 pounds.
[00:52:11] What did the person add?
[00:52:14] I love riddles.
[00:52:16] I do too.
[00:52:18] A hole.
[00:52:20] That's actually...
[00:52:21] Yeah.
[00:52:23] That's probably right.
[00:52:23] Give me back the answer.
[00:52:25] Give me back the answer.
[00:52:26] At this point, the elf, sorry, not the elf, the oblin who has let you know that his name is Eye Snatcher, says,
[00:52:35] Yes! Excellent! Very clever!
[00:52:37] In addition to telling you the secret, I will free one of these two halflings to you.
[00:52:43] Which one do you want?
[00:52:44] Actually...
[00:52:45] At which point they both begin yanking at their chains and screaming to try and get your attention.
[00:52:52] One of them states that he is wealthy and will give you 10 gold when you get back to Thorpe.
[00:52:58] The other says he has no money but begs that he has a large family that he must support, and without them his children and his wife will surely suffer and die.
[00:53:05] Actually, we're more in the market for some missing people that we're looking for.
[00:53:12] So you...
[00:53:13] You didn't solve the riddle, asshole!
[00:53:14] I want the...
[00:53:17] The poor one! The poor one!
[00:53:19] So you care not to have any...
[00:53:21] I'll keep both of them if you'd rather me answer your question.
[00:53:24] Oh, I mean...
[00:53:25] Two halves make one.
[00:53:27] Two halves make a whole?
[00:53:29] Clever. But I've offered you one half. One half.
[00:53:33] Give me another riddle.
[00:53:35] Get the other half.
[00:53:35] I need one of them, but I don't need both.
[00:53:38] Which one would you like to have?
[00:53:41] Let them both down the middle. I'll take half of one of each.
[00:53:44] Clever! You see him reach for a dagger.
[00:53:48] We've got a hatchet somewhere around here.
[00:53:50] They're both dead now.
[00:53:53] Cool.
[00:53:54] Have we seen a little girl?
[00:53:54] Would our people know them? If the one guy is talking about...
[00:53:58] Yeah, no. If you're from Thorpe, you know both of these guys.
[00:54:00] They've both gone missing recently.
[00:54:02] Are they both being honest?
[00:54:04] Yes.
[00:54:06] Then we'll take the dude with the family, because fuck the dude for not offering us more gold.
[00:54:10] If we know him.
[00:54:11] Fair.
[00:54:12] That's what you want to do.
[00:54:13] You answered the riddle.
[00:54:14] Yeah, I'll take the dude with the family.
[00:54:16] Alright.
[00:54:16] He unlocks him.
[00:54:19] The other guy is screaming, swears at you.
[00:54:22] He says, thank you, thank you, thank you so much, thank you so much.
[00:54:25] And he just bolts out of the market.
[00:54:28] Now catch him by the fucking hair.
[00:54:30] Okay, yeah.
[00:54:31] Have you seen the two girls?
[00:54:33] No, no, I haven't seen anyone.
[00:54:35] Please, I've got to go home to my family.
[00:54:37] They've got to be so worried.
[00:54:38] I've been missing for days.
[00:54:39] I changed my mind.
[00:54:40] I want the other one.
[00:54:43] He looks at you, no takesies, backsies!
[00:54:47] Yeah, let him go.
[00:54:49] You did ask for information, and you did ask my riddle, so it seems only fair to answer.
[00:54:53] Do you care to learn about the market, or the girl?
[00:54:59] Clearly it's the girl, right?
[00:55:04] I mean, we're looking for the girl, so I would imagine that's the answer.
[00:55:07] Yep.
[00:55:09] Up to you.
[00:55:11] The market.
[00:55:12] What's the secret of the market?
[00:55:14] Ah, the market.
[00:55:15] This area used to be an elven healing spa, and griffin area.
[00:55:21] Why the elves used it for this, we don't know.
[00:55:24] Probably the statue of the fountain.
[00:55:26] Could be.
[00:55:27] But the elves have used it for many, many years as a market.
[00:55:32] I've heard that a particularly ambitious goblin by the name of Clegan Tark
[00:55:39] seeks the Aurelian bridles.
[00:55:42] These were used to control the griffins, it's how the elves wrote them.
[00:55:45] He thinks it will make him exceptionally powerful.
[00:55:49] Who's the guy with the hunting wolves?
[00:55:52] Ah, Sir...
[00:55:53] Nix, I believe?
[00:55:55] Well yeah, but who's his dad?
[00:55:58] He waves his hand in the direction, I believe, to the west.
[00:56:01] You can be found that way.
[00:56:03] We went that way.
[00:56:05] So the Aurelian bridles.
[00:56:06] There's a western stair from here.
[00:56:08] Yes, they allow you to control the griffins and ride them.
[00:56:12] Are there still griffins around?
[00:56:14] He sort of shrugs and gives you a mischievous smile.
[00:56:17] Who knows what creatures lurk in the hills and the canyons.
[00:56:23] The glens and the dales.
[00:56:25] As for your girl...
[00:56:27] He points in the opposite direction.
[00:56:29] Behind the guards.
[00:56:31] He doesn't indicate...
[00:56:33] The guards are kind of guarding an area like southeast.
[00:56:36] He points more straight east.
[00:56:39] Saw a human girl...
[00:56:42] My apologies.
[00:56:43] Your definition of human girl and mine might be a bit different.
[00:56:47] But I saw what I would call a human girl.
[00:56:49] In a dark green cloak with a short bow.
[00:56:53] Sneaking along the edges of the...
[00:56:55] The edges of the...
[00:56:57] The pens.
[00:56:58] And he points straight east.
[00:57:00] She looked, um...
[00:57:02] Shall we say violently intentioned?
[00:57:05] I have not seen her since.
[00:57:07] Okay.
[00:57:11] Thank you.
[00:57:13] If you have any more...
[00:57:15] Riddles to share, stories to share, come back and see me.
[00:57:18] Best of luck.
[00:57:20] What do we get if you can't answer our riddles?
[00:57:23] No.
[00:57:25] What do you want?
[00:57:26] How about the other one?
[00:57:27] The halfling?
[00:57:29] It'd have to be a really good riddle.
[00:57:32] We look to you because of shit like this.
[00:57:38] I need...
[00:57:39] I'm in need of a halfling.
[00:57:41] I could've used two.
[00:57:42] I gave you one.
[00:57:44] You'd have to put up something pretty drastic.
[00:57:47] What else you got?
[00:57:47] See, we're new to the market.
[00:57:49] We don't know anything about what's actually going on around here.
[00:57:53] What...
[00:57:53] What's worth anything around here?
[00:57:56] It sounded like most of the stuff out there that was trying to be pushed on us was fake.
[00:58:02] What do you have to offer besides a halfling?
[00:58:06] He indicates the two piles of treasure beside him.
[00:58:09] Would you like a pile of treasure?
[00:58:12] Doesn't necessarily seem too useful here at the market.
[00:58:14] Fair point.
[00:58:15] I've given you information.
[00:58:16] That's incredibly useful here in the market.
[00:58:18] It is.
[00:58:19] It just depends on what you're trying to accomplish.
[00:58:22] I'm good.
[00:58:24] Okay.
[00:58:25] I thought you had a riddle.
[00:58:26] I do!
[00:58:27] I don't know what to ask him for.
[00:58:28] The halfling!
[00:58:30] No, he doesn't want to give up the halfling.
[00:58:32] He said it had to be a good riddle.
[00:58:37] You get the sense that he's not going to give up the halfling just for a riddle.
[00:58:42] Two riddles.
[00:58:42] Now if you offered one of yourselves up, if he does answer it...
[00:58:47] We have a halfling!
[00:58:49] He kicks you in the shin.
[00:58:52] My halfling's been dead.
[00:58:53] Oh, I'm talking about you?
[00:58:55] He kicks you in the shin.
[00:58:58] Let me think on it.
[00:58:59] Maybe we'll come back.
[00:59:00] Of course.
[00:59:01] Yeah, I mean if you have something else that you could think about that you want, I have
[00:59:05] no problem with it.
[00:59:05] I just don't...
[00:59:06] I can't think of anything.
[00:59:07] I don't know what to ask for at this point.
[00:59:09] Yeah.
[00:59:09] So, where do you want to go?
[00:59:11] What do you want to do?
[00:59:12] East.
[00:59:12] Yeah, look for the girl.
[00:59:13] You want to head east.
[00:59:14] Mm-hmm.
[00:59:15] So, as you head east, that is where the goblins in plate mail stand.
[00:59:20] I thought that was southeast.
[00:59:22] Well...
[00:59:23] Not straight east.
[00:59:23] There is no path straight east.
[00:59:25] You get the sense that he's indicating something that is...
[00:59:28] You just said that there were two different paths east.
[00:59:31] No.
[00:59:31] One with the guards.
[00:59:32] No, there's east and west.
[00:59:34] Technically, southeast and west.
[00:59:36] He pointed east towards...
[00:59:38] The guards.
[00:59:40] The guards.
[00:59:40] No, he didn't point towards the guards.
[00:59:41] He pointed up into the wilderness.
[00:59:44] What pens was he talking about?
[00:59:48] You're not sure.
[00:59:49] You have to ask questions.
[00:59:51] He suggested that she was overlooking the pens.
[00:59:54] But he saw her slinking along the tree line.
[00:59:57] Correct.
[00:59:58] Got it.
[00:59:59] Right, but he said near the pens.
[01:00:01] Correct.
[01:00:01] So, either they're guarding the pens, or...
[01:00:06] They're guarding whatever that...
[01:00:08] If there's a place further to the north of that east location, then maybe that's the pens.
[01:00:14] Mm-hmm.
[01:00:15] So, then what's in the pens, I will ask him?
[01:00:17] Slaves in that.
[01:00:19] Yeah, probably the slaves.
[01:00:20] Could be animals.
[01:00:21] I don't know.
[01:00:22] Seems legit.
[01:00:23] So, why'd old boy Al Baird Dickhead send us...
[01:00:27] Say there were humans to the west when there weren't humans to the west?
[01:00:31] Al Baird don't care.
[01:00:32] Intelligence roll?
[01:00:33] Sacrifices.
[01:00:34] Yeah, the sacrifice.
[01:00:35] You asked him where were slaves and sacrifices.
[01:00:37] Oh.
[01:00:38] Okay.
[01:00:39] Got it.
[01:00:39] He indicated northeast towards the pens, which you're assuming are slave pens, and he also indicated to the west where the temple was.
[01:00:46] Yeah.
[01:00:46] He never once said that he knew where the humans were that you saw.
[01:00:49] Yeah.
[01:00:50] Right.
[01:00:51] All right, so are we gonna try to interact with the guards, or are we gonna go back down and east from the main entrance?
[01:00:58] Whatever you wanna do.
[01:00:59] We'll walk over towards the guards.
[01:01:01] Um, you see that they are wearing full plate, uh, they are holding glaives, and as you kind of step up, one of them, um, sort of snaps to attention and holds the glaive outward in a-
[01:01:12] in an attentive but also slightly threatening manner.
[01:01:16] None may pass except by authorization of Lord Backshot.
[01:01:20] Where's Lord Backshot?
[01:01:22] Hmm.
[01:01:23] He turns and looks, uh, he turns and looks to the west.
[01:01:26] Is Backshot-
[01:01:27] Was that the name of the dad?
[01:01:29] I don't know, we didn't get a name.
[01:01:30] Yeah, he just pointed west.
[01:01:31] What was the name of the priest that anointed you?
[01:01:34] The name of-
[01:01:35] Is that Sir Nix's father?
[01:01:37] Yeah.
[01:01:38] Um.
[01:01:38] That's Sir Nix a lot.
[01:01:39] Baby got Backshot.
[01:01:42] Um.
[01:01:43] He got on.
[01:01:44] He did.
[01:01:46] He did.
[01:01:47] Uh, the goblin with the glaive doesn't answer, he just gives you a severe look.
[01:01:51] All right, thanks.
[01:01:52] Our title track, Bustin' Loose with Lead, is used under Creative Commons Attribution 4 International License, and was produced by Jason Shaw at Audionautix.com.
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