Sandy Petersen's Cthulhu Mythos - The Big Sleep 06

[00:00:16] The Rancors Brothel presents The Big Sleep, The Mythos 5e Adventure

[00:01:30] To be fair I did say I throw the Gardener about before you. Cody what is your initiative? Nine! Troy? Twelve Flynn? Ten Not great Alex? Twenty What's your dex? Probably bigger than mine. What's your dex modifier? Not commenting on that one. Three Okay

[00:02:03] Give me a second to get all this in order. So close to getting bigger though. They're mooks, why are you bothering drawing the room? Let's just kill them. Unless somebody is really cool. Reasons? No, I don't believe there are reasons.

[00:02:24] The reason is because something is going to sneak up behind us which is why you asked if the door was open. We know that part. I'm not interested in them, I'm interested in the room. Or not the room, I'm interested in what's ever in the fucking basement.

[00:02:34] It's big, it's big catechumes. It's really long. That's what she said? Longer than wide. What's your girth preference Lucas? Sufficient girth. Sufficient girth. A thematically appropriate amount of girth. I missed fucking with Lucas when he runs a game.

[00:02:54] It's not as fun as fucking with Jeff, but it's up there. Alex killed him all right now. Make his drawing worthless. So the little squares... I know, but I'm on a nine. These little squares... I'm on a nine. I'm on a nine. I'm on a nine.

[00:03:16] I know, but I'm on a nine. These little squares are columns. The larger rectangles are sarcophagi. The door is there where Troy's golden die is sitting. You were standing there with your arms full holding a man. And then the other two I just randomly put.

[00:03:30] He is not holding a man. He threw the man. Well... I did ask to do that, but you see how he didn't respect what I said before he asked for initiatives. No, you may throw the man before we start the top of the turn. How about that?

[00:03:46] He's not going to go very far, but you can throw him. How do you increase the range of that throw? Is it a strength check? How far can you throw a body? Can I throw a body 10 feet? Sure, do you want to... I throw him through the door.

[00:04:02] He's in front of the door. You can't occupy the entire door space. Hey Troy Duck, I throw him through the door. Roll me. I guess strength. Right? No, you don't... I mean, it's just... You're just tossing a flailing body. Does this fall under grenade rules?

[00:04:26] He's not going to take a lot of damage from it. Doesn't really matter. Go ahead. I'm not talking about Troy. He misses the door. Does he slam that groundskeeper into the wall? That's better. These are legitimate questions. Maybe. Alright, yeah, just make a roll here.

[00:04:47] You want to make a strength roll? Yeah, throw it. That's 23 to throw that man through the door. I really hope it's a set of stairs. Roll me a d4. I'll give you up to four points of damage. I wasn't worried about damaging him.

[00:05:08] I'm freeing up my hands to kill his friends. Roll a d8, but I roll a 2. So one damage. Cool. He's sprang his ankle. Ouch, cabibble! I'm just hoping to... I don't know what's on the other side of that door,

[00:05:27] but I was really hoping for a long flight of stairs. Alex, you're at the top of the round. You are the Silver Die. You see three individuals. They're ready to record that. They're all holding cemeteres. One individual did pull a cemeter. Another two. One, two, and he is...

[00:05:47] Much for reading being fundamental. Two of them are holding cemeteres. One is holding a dagger. One an orange and one an orange. Heat metal! The one in the orange and the one in the brown are holding cemeteres. That's two levels above what I can do right now.

[00:06:06] That doesn't mean I can't throw... No, that's too far away. You step up and strike. I activate Tasha's Caustic Brew. Throw it at him. What does Tasha's Caustic Brew do? It is a 30 by 5, and it does 2d4 against any target in range. Any of them in the row.

[00:06:37] It's a straight line. Since I'm at an angle, I would hit at least two of them. You would only hit one of them. I'm aiming for the brown one. You can move and... If you move first, you might be able to get more than one.

[00:06:51] If you move right there. Scoot me over. Scoot me over. There we go. Is there a save on my end? No, you just take it. I feel like that's not correct. You take his Toxic Brew right up your ass. Right in the mouth.

[00:07:17] There's no biting it, just acceptance. Choke on his Toxic Brew. Just a sec. Let me see... Alex is just so subdued with his insults. I love them. They come out of nowhere. Yeah. I love how they're all as it means to you. It's like a wizard or something.

[00:07:45] Always punning exactly when he wants. Exactly when he's expecting it. Thank you. Dexterity saving throw. So that is to... That guy and that guy. There's a 14 for one of them. And a 16 for the other. First one does not. Second one does.

[00:08:09] So is it half damage to the 4A success? I'll roll now. Five... So five to the first one? So rounded down so two to the other one. Nothing. And that's at the start of each of their turns. That's at the start of each of their turns.

[00:08:40] They take that damage. Is that a constitution... Sorry, is that a concentration spell then? Yes. So if you get hit, you have to make a constitution saving throw to keep the spell going. This is where you back up and just go rat-a-tat-tat on their asses. And...

[00:09:00] I will take those odds. Is he even moved yet? He moved and he attacked. How many feet did he move? Like 5, 10 feet. He's got plenty of movement left. If he'd like to back up. What would you make with my... Got to be 30 if he's medium.

[00:09:18] Where do you want to go? I would go 5, 10, 15, 20 and end up right behind Flynn. Nope. Go back this way. That's exactly right. I gotta help him out. He's new to D&D. Now they gotta go through the monk plate a whole game of D&D. With me?

[00:09:34] I'm not new to D&D, but... I like a translator because Lucas sometimes doesn't understand what's going on. That's not my fault. I am very clear and concise in what I say. I think these gentlemen can tell. I think he says you suck, Lucas. That's what I heard.

[00:09:50] The problem is Lucas edits this show. Flynn, do you want to edit the show? No. Way too much work. You could install Flynnbot. Flynnbot? Jeff has started... Jeff wants to record it like... Breaking the record. He's like, Breaking the third wall interruption bullshit.

[00:10:14] Flynn, that one might be one you need to go get. What's that? He didn't move that one. He moved that one up and then he skipped it. I skipped a tad ahead of my... I didn't know if he was going to start doing it.

[00:10:26] Actually, the brown one will move first. Why? Because that's the color of the mini that I have. Why aren't all your minis brown? Because each one is a different type of person. What's different about them? You got cultists, bandits, commoners, fanatics. Everybody's different.

[00:10:46] Trying to keep it straight in my head, man. It's just going to get worse. Bandit runs up on the cat. Just a cat. Is there something inside that die that moves when you roll it? It's got a little eyeball that rolls it. God damn you.

[00:11:05] You fucking... God damn you, Lucas. I hate you so much. They all look the same. Do they make one that looks like the eye of Sauron? Because then I might get one. Yes, there's an orange eye, a red eye, a green eye.

[00:11:17] I got the one that was darker. Is there a brown eye? Yeah, I got it on Amazon. I'll continue to link to it. Pooper. Sorry, Flynn, that is a... 16 to hit? Nope. Cat? Cat Monk? An AC of 18, dude. You fucking overpowered us.

[00:11:45] I'm trying to figure out if it's 19. Is there rule if you're tiny, you get a bonus too? AC. That I'm not sure of. Or is that 3-0? I don't know. I'm on the player side, so I say absolutely. Make it two.

[00:12:01] I'm pretty sure I have the lowest AC in the party at 16, Lucas. The orange figure does chase, still chases down the Dragonborn. Good luck. I'm pretty sure there's an AC of 20. It's a single digit, so that's definitely not going to hit. So his Cemetery goes wide.

[00:12:21] You suddenly see... How many of these guys are there? Not enough. Troy, you suddenly see another individual run up to this door. See why didn't he trip over the guy through down the stairs? That is a... 15 to hit? Nope. Mrs. With a dagger.

[00:12:54] You also realize there are more individuals beyond this door. There are more individuals beyond this door. He's going to have to josh this game. He really is. Now this guy can go. Did he just walk through the fucking sarcophagus you drew on there, Homie? It's on the corner.

[00:13:12] None of those are drawn the same size. Well you drew it, asshole! Don't blame us! Half cover. Plus two to AC. Does an 18 hit you? It does. Unless tiny gives me plus one. It doesn't. Shield. Cemetery. Wouldn't that just be armor at that point?

[00:13:38] Can a monk use it? I don't think they're proficient. You can emulate a protection. Six points of damage. Slashing. That'd be dangerous if this weren't fifth edition. Truth. You got a cat armor. Picking on a little kitty. No honor. No honor.

[00:14:04] I like the idea that some of your dodges are because Lucas isn't immersing me enough. Sometimes cats are sitting there waiting and they're like fucking spring four feet in the air and do a backflip and land and scrabble. I imagine that's how you dodge some of these attacks.

[00:14:18] Somebody comes over and like, ah, a cat! And they just easily swat you and are like, kawing! I ain't afraid of no ghost. Bring them on. Let's have some fun now. You see six individuals beyond the one that's been front of you. Are they black dragons?

[00:14:38] Are they hot ladies? They are not. How much are they not hot ladies? Like I mean, six fours is like, you know, three eights. They are all carrying what looks to be clubs. Troy it is your turn. Thank you. I forgot to run specifically for Horst.

[00:15:06] That's a nat one so I ain't gonna be much anyway. It's because he fell down the fucking stairs. I'm gonna hit the fucking backstabber there. No, I'm not. Did you have a better initiative rolling me here? Yeah. He had a 12 and you had a 9. Flynn had a 10.

[00:15:26] Okay, just make it sure. You guys are at the bottom. I knew we were. Does an 11 hit. Probably not. It depends on if we're off the scenario yet or not. We're probably off the scenario which means we're counting shit we're not supposed to yet. But 11 you said?

[00:15:46] Yeah, it does hit. Oh nice. I mean they're really just weighing two nicks. Eight points of damage. He looks bad already. What did you do to him? Stabbed him with a sword. Fucking tried it. I have both. By the way, hurt bad. Bonus sections? Movement?

[00:16:10] Well you are engaged otherwise. I'm not engaged, I'm a free man. Opposite. He's just all up in grinder. Respect. Alah. Brown-eyed girl. My... Hold on, I do want to check. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la. Jeff got mad about...

[00:16:37] Like breaking the fourth wall and putting his comments in. So he started using AI. He's like, forget Jeff. I am Jeff Bot. Jeff Bot is in control. Now Jeff Bot breaks in to say things. That's fucking hilarious. Cody. Flynn. Sorry, Flynn. Surrounded.

[00:17:01] You got to make exactly where you want him. You got to make exactly where you want him. Embrace your feral side. They have you so bad. Hit three times, hit each one. That's level two. Those poor bastards. Not there yet. Scribe this first, make it there.

[00:17:19] How's your hip points looking? Not good. You're a dreamland skater, you got nine lives. That's true. We'll be back. Disappear into the ether for a second. How long does it take to come back? It's not too long. Realistically, which one did you hit with your spell?

[00:17:40] The orange one, the brown one. The brown and yellow one. Brown and yellow ones were hit. Brown one real bad. Just didn't hit a lot of damage. She really... You need to kill the yellow one. Kill the yellow one. Kill him until he is dead.

[00:17:59] When it comes up to his turn... Your turn is next, you're going to get some action in there. I'll fight for... The yellow one that took the most damage. That's what I'm saying, kill the yellow one. Go for yellow. That is... 16. We'll hit.

[00:18:17] Seriously, now I have a d4 in here. I don't have a d4. Oh wait, no. I got one. That is 7 damage. Okay. Looking fine, anything else? Oof, alright. I got a cat scratch and it goes... Ssssssshhhhhh Alright, how much damage you do? 7. How much damage you do? 5.

[00:18:52] I think we fucked up, boys. Ah, fuck them. You said you were going to knock him on that one hit. I thought he was. It's okay, that's fine. I will... This is my action. Disengage is an action.

[00:19:10] Disengage is an action which you cannot longer do since you've attacked. Okay. Bonus action, I'll hit him again. Take him out. Still hits. And that is 6 damage this time. Still looks good. Alright. Still looks good? Oh, monk. Bonus action. It's a very hardy individual.

[00:19:36] Now it goes to Cody. Rage, great axe. Put me between orange and brown. 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. I should be able to circle him without giving an opportunity attack. Sorry Troy, let's take out these guys first. You're good. Rage, what else can I do? I don't know.

[00:19:59] I should just hit shit, man. No, but at level 1 I can't do... Because I don't get advantage on the attack rolls yet. Rage, I'm going to... I'll use 2 weapon fighting and I'm going to get a couple of... Brown has already been hit, right? He made the save though.

[00:20:23] He's got... His nose is bloody basically. I see that brew up it. He's going to just melt it off and put that to life. A little tish-tash. It's been a while. It's been a while. Also that... I'm glad you said it.

[00:20:41] I was going to say something but I thought, I'll let him admit it. I mean, I... People listen to like 10 years of this podcast. I'm not very good at this game. I never have been. It's just nobody else wants to step up and run a game.

[00:20:55] I've been running games almost as long as this podcast is. No one else runs. He's heard the word. He forgot to say well. It's the step up part. You're 5'4". Yeah, I stepped forward. It's close enough. He's on his tippy toes. Give me that. Beech.

[00:21:17] Handaxe number 1 on Mr. Brown. Alright. 16. Does hit. Handaxe... I guess you probably want me to do damage. Please do. It's going to be a plus 2 on that. So it's D6 plus 6. 8 damage. He looks pretty bad. Still up. Hit him again. That's another 16. That's 10 that time. He did. Nice.

[00:21:53] Still a little 1. I don't know what I can do. Fuck all of them. Sorry. You're dual wielding, aren't you? Well, with 2 of them fighting, I don't add the modifier so he would have taken 2 less damage, I think. He only had 2 points left. Okay, I'm just saying.

[00:22:13] If it was close, he may still be alive. He had a total of 12. He's gone. Okay. Your bonus was to rage, right? Yeah. I think I'm probably done. I gotta remember how to play this character. There's not much to first level characters. No, but I can get 3 attacks.

[00:22:36] At first level? Yeah, because of the ghouls. I gotta remember how the fuck it works. Wait till you see what I'm doing for level 2. Jeff and I talked about this. Let me know about something I didn't know or wasn't 100% sure about. Troy, you see another individual

[00:22:52] out of the corner of your eye coming to the fold? We can do this. It's fine. I'm gonna name this one because I'm gonna have to wrap it around. Horst stands up. Bonus actions. They're so weird. And fucks off. Horst, help! Oh, shit.

[00:23:18] Kind of goes off into the distance you can possibly get. Technically not even on the mat. Alex, top of the order. Those guys are in the way. It's a shame Flanking doesn't play in this game. Fucking playing old ass games. I don't think Flanking is a 5e thing.

[00:23:34] Baldur's Gate 3 plays really well on it. I still don't know what you said. Flanking isn't 5e, is it? Absolutely it is. Lucas didn't read the fucking rules. It should be. Flanking was genius. Go ahead. Attack the yellow one. He'd have to move out of space.

[00:23:54] He's got to roll against it anyway. At the top of my turn or his turn? I don't know. So then it's not my turn. Surviving, have to roll against it to make sure they don't get full damage. It's not my turn.

[00:24:08] Let me cross off this other guy that died here. Op attack. I don't want to deal with that. I'll probably miss anyway. I'll be using my hand axe. At the start of each of its turn. Yeah. One out of the two is dead so it doesn't matter.

[00:24:24] It matters for that guy. Also it was yellow and not orange. 23. He's a good number. Definitely hits. Yes! And death. And... 6 damage. Who'd you hit? Orange? Orange. Next time that one's been hit. We're moving on to cantrips next people. Bonus action? Ooh! It's been a hot minute.

[00:24:58] Bonus action? You should have any actions that you have that are labeled as bonus actions. If you haven't notated it on your paper, you need to. I do need to. I don't think a cantrip is a bonus action for you at this point. It might be.

[00:25:13] A second level paladin? Cantrips or cantrips. Yeah. If the cantrip itself reads as a bonus action, that's fair. Correct. Concentration is a bonus action, is it? No. He just has to not get hit, basically. Or the individuals die. Or the individuals die. They just all merge together. Oh!

[00:25:37] Read up on my crank. Especially if you looked at me and said something earlier about third-o and I was like, I'll pass on that. No problem. Yeah. I wasn't any good at that system. In that case... You couldn't be good unless you were Josh.

[00:25:53] Yellow individual will take a step closer and attack the dragon. Nope. He moved into my area. We don't have any dragons. It's moving out of your area that causes a knock attack. Ah, I was hoping you wouldn't notice. That skull, by the way, is a 20. That 20. No.

[00:26:17] I don't believe you. I think that's a one. I think the skull is a one. You better show me one of that die. That's on the bottom. A one. Fuck. At least he's willing to strike his ass. Rolled again does it roll another 20? He's cheating.

[00:26:37] That's not even a question. That's three-o, baby. That's such a piece of shit. Before we do that, did you do your Conray roll? Dex save. I don't think you do it every time. 19 on the die for Dex save. He said at the top of my turn, right?

[00:26:53] No, it does not say that. At the top of your turn, you take damage. You recovered in Conray. You just take damage flat out. Does he roll it every time? He has got to roll damage every time then. I would assume it's the same stuff

[00:27:07] I thought of during the first time. It hasn't changed. Damage you take the first time. Is it higher? Is it better? It feels like that's not correct. Please read the spell that you cast on me. Please read to the class. He has it. I looked for it here.

[00:27:23] It has another Tosh's thing. Each creature in the line must succeed on a Dexterity saving throw covered in acid. Or wash off. Use this action. You can use this action to scrape off or wash the acid off itself or another creature.

[00:27:36] A creature covered in the acid takes two T4 acid damage at the start of each of its turn. So roll 2d4. Kill it. A damage. Top C's. Five more damage. I would love for you to qualify his crit. That would have been fucking awesome.

[00:27:56] What is this guy on? Mescalon. I don't know if Lucas has advanced to this level yet, but we are fucking with his toys and he's not happy. So he could just be. Yeah, he could. Have you ever seen Lucas do this?

[00:28:10] If so, bravo. It's an evolution of Lucas. We broke him. We broke him. A type of individual you're fighting. A dead one. He's dead. He's fucking dead. Sixth piercing damage from a dagger to a user. Con roll. Constitution saving throw. Con saving throw, right? Yeah. DC 10, right?

[00:28:37] Because the damage was so low. I think it's DC 10. Yeah. Roll the Constitution saving throw to see if you can continue concentration on the spell that I am being burned by right now. Crady, can I have a little two to that crack?

[00:28:49] So roll a d20 plus minus whatever your Constitution saving throw is. I've actually never tried this. Oh really? I'm not a rum guy, but I really like it. Like, I like it. Rum is too sweet for me. It's also Indiana base. I get two attacks.

[00:29:05] It's not very cold, but... I'm gonna guess that one misses. That's a seven on the die. So second attack does whiff. We go from him. Probably not gonna hit, it's a nine on the die. 11, I'm assuming it misses. Yes sir.

[00:29:21] Stay right in the middle of that goddamn door. Stay right in the middle of that fucking door. In the middle of that door, he has created a funnel. You are the cork. He can hold... Oh, did you know that? Oh, that's a orange guy.

[00:29:37] Orange guy spins around to attack the ghoul. Good fucking luck. Look, the gob of ghoul. I'm actually the easiest thing on the field to hit, I think technically. 13... I don't know what his plus is. His plus can't be that good if yellow's your big guy.

[00:29:55] Not gonna be that good. It's a 16 to hit. I choose to ignore that. 16 hit? And he's not going to. We learn how to play the fucking game. Shrodinger's AC. Shrodinger's AC. That's a fucking t-shirt right there.

[00:30:19] Shrodinger's AC, you can't hit me if we don't know what the number is. Does 16 hit you? For fuck's sake. I'm used to playing a much higher level barbarians. I'm like, I take half damage and this doesn't really fucking matter. Oh, you don't take half damage yet? No.

[00:30:37] Not for a while. What's your AC? That's all I need to know. It's 60. Wouldn't you like... That is... ooh. Six damage. Is it bludging, piercing or... Cemetery or slashing. Go fuck yourself. You're raging, aren't you? You're still just around in a cage.

[00:31:01] Oh, that's a good one. Let's go with that one. Edit me out, that was a better one. I didn't hear what you said. I said against the dying of the light. Ah, look at you go. Um... The six individuals that are the same light blue color

[00:31:15] all begin chanting. Cool. Yes, you don't need any... No, no. Never mind. It is Shroi's turn though. Let's stab this asshole again. That's nice to know that I... The chant that you hear by the way is... It's not Martin, it's Michael. Shoot him through the throat!

[00:31:49] So, I technically... I misquoted my damage last time because I didn't add my modifier. Okay. So, it's an extra three plus another eleven. So, let's say fourteen. Okay. That one drops. I would hope so. Don't fucking... over twenty damage to him. Yeah. I am going to...

[00:32:13] I am going to... Fuck all that I say. Should I stay there or move? Just close the door. I'm gonna close the door and lock it. Okay. And then move me... Next to yellow and... Alex. That's fucking awesome! Okay. What are you using? A sword? Like, Flynn.

[00:32:43] He doesn't narrate combat. I love the idea that you just put this right through the guy's belly. He screams as he falls off the sword and you're like, bye! Quick, change the channel! Alright, let's try to... Best line of Street Fighter movie ever.

[00:32:57] Let's try to get yellow down. Gonna swat at his little... little leggies. He's... he's hardy. Um... fifteen. That still hits. Tom Hardy? He's got a lot of hit points. That's all. Tommy Wong... Six damage. He looks bad but he's still standing.

[00:33:19] This is the dumbest shit I've ever seen. Alright, I'm gonna hit him again. Huh? That was a nine. That will miss. That would make a cleric inept. Cody. I'm gonna take a five foot step to my right, please. There we go!

[00:33:41] I'm just gonna kick brown out of the way. Time to murder yellow. Let's hold this then. That'd be... like a twenty to hit? Like a twenty? Like a prayer? That's twelve damage. Oh, he dead-dead. Cool! Now I'm gonna murder orange. Big dead. I got shot, man!

[00:34:07] That's a nineteen to hit. Hits. You can see... I get no modifier on the second attack. But I think I still get the plus two. So I roll the D6 plus two would be accurate, I believe. Yeah. Three! Uh... Nope, that actually does kill him.

[00:34:30] He only had nine hit points. Open the door! Everybody in this room is dead. You hear banging on the other side of the door. Just go up there, open it, we'll yank the first guy in and then close the door again. Who's turn it? Hang on.

[00:34:50] Oh, it's that guy's turn. Serious? Here, I'm sorry, fiddling with the lock. Yeah, you hear it unlock. It's fine. And it flies open down. This individual is now standing in front of it. Wait, I didn't get the description or these just more...

[00:35:10] Everybody's in green robes, they're all human. But that guy is somehow different because he's a darker shade of blue. Because on paper he is a different class of individual you are fighting. I understand that. I was just pointing it out. He's slightly more noble than the others.

[00:35:28] That's a matter of interpretation. That's like three fucking hands we got already. We can complete this quest and still make money. He has enough movement to get into the room. Then that go horse to fucked off. Back to the top of the order, Alex.

[00:35:42] The other ones are just chanting. May I change to close the door again? Iasatagwa, Zimul, Zathah. Before I do anything else, I'm going to use my breath attack on him. So... Eight. 15 foot cone of fire. That'll hit him. 2d6. Which color are you? Silver.

[00:36:06] He made me silver the gold guy. Yeah, he made the gold dragon the silver guy. Oh my God. Fucks sake, you're gold. I don't understand now. I didn't actually move. You didn't allow me to narrow my kill. I like the thought that I stepped around Flynn.

[00:36:22] Because Flynn doesn't occupy a 5x5 space. I just step like through and lean over Flynn's space. Put that one in the throat with one axe and then lean over and hit that one in the throat with the other axe.

[00:36:30] Then you pull it through and you get the cool slow motion blood spray on both sides. So the kill is over? Yeah, I think so. I'm going to go through the door. I'm going to do a little bit of the spray on both sides.

[00:36:42] So the cat is covered in blood? Fuck yeah it is. Some of which is his own. The decent bit of it, although less now. Anyway, burn his tits off. Would you like to burn his tits off? Burn on the other side.

[00:36:56] Do I get a deck saved for this? I believe I do. Trogdor! Can you read that 20 on that die? Looks like one from here. Is that a 10? Some nuts? You didn't roll that one. Yes, you did.

[00:37:17] It's an at-20 to save so whatever the damage is going to be halved. Half. Oh look, 85 damage. You got it for 3. Weird that. Now as my bonus action, I will use Firebolt on you. Small fire again. Firebolt a bonus action spell?

[00:37:43] Any cantrip that takes only one action can be used as a bonus action. Sounds good to me. It's in my best interest that he continues to deal damage. I actually looked up that rule. Wait is that an artificer thing? That's a spell thing. Remember that rule ever.

[00:37:59] It is legit in the book. It's like a cantrip that takes one action, is instantaneous, can be used as a bonus action. The cantrip should read bonus. There are no cantrips that read bonus. Show me the page you found it on, because I've never read that rule.

[00:38:15] Even your fellow player is telling you no. Yeah, right. Don't list the plan, he doesn't know what's going on. I mean usually that's the case, but I can't read it. He's confused. For a decade now we've never seen that rule before.

[00:38:27] How many of the rules have you read? I've read through that whole book at least three times. When was the last time you read through that book? Right before I ran this campaign. How closely did you read that book? 95%. Casting time one action. So if it's instantaneous,

[00:38:43] if it says casting time instantaneous... You can't cast another spell during the same turn, except for a cantrip with a casting time of one action. Where is that? Right here. Bonus actions under casting a spell. Page 202 of the player's handbook. Bonus action. A spell cast with

[00:39:03] a bonus action. A spell cast with a bonus action is especially swift. Yeah, because it's titled as bonus action. Nope, that's not what it says. Keep reading. You must use a bonus action on your turn to cast the spell.

[00:39:17] Provided that you haven't already taken a bonus action on this turn. You can't cast another spell during the same turn, except for a cantrip with a casting time of one action. And guess what a firebolt is? A cantrip with a cast time of one action.

[00:39:29] But it's not labeled as a bonus action. That's why I don't understand. Because it's not a spell, it's a cantrip. There is a difference. But there are cantrips labeled as bonuses. So what's the fucking point? You... Man. I think the way what it's saying is

[00:39:53] you can't shoot two different spells in the same turn. So you can hit with a sword and then use a bonus action to use a bonus action spell. But you can use a bonus action for a spell if you use the cantrip as an action.

[00:40:13] Because what I used was a race specific action. No, no. It's still an attack. Yeah, I don't think it's saying the cantrip is the bonus action. It's saying if you used a spell as a bonus action... If you used a cantrip as a spell as a bonus action.

[00:40:33] That's the only exception in which you can do two spells in one turn. Well, the breath thing wasn't a spell. No, the breath thing is technically an attack, not a spell. But the cantrip has to read bonus action. That's what I'm saying. The cantrip must read bonus action.

[00:40:49] That one does not say it's a bonus action. You can't use it. I legally love your interpretation. I do too. I wanted you to be... It sounds fantastic, but it has to read as a bonus action. What it's saying is if you're doing something...

[00:41:09] Basically what it allows you to do is cast a cantrip while you're concentrating. It allows you to do a thing while you're concentrating. Because if you think about it, concentration kind of fucks over your turn. That doesn't matter because those two guys are dead

[00:41:21] so the concentration is dropped. No, that's... What he tried to do is read that as saying it allows him to do that. When that's not quite what it says. I appreciate your interpretation. I think it's great. I love it. The cantrip itself must say bonus action

[00:41:39] as the casting parameter. There are very few that do. There are very few that do. The ones that do though are good. I will find them. So if you have no further bonus actions, we will move forward. Because casting two spells in the same turn

[00:41:55] will be incredibly OP. He's not casting a secondary spell technically. But he took an action. Casting a spell will be a second action which is incredibly OP in this really 50 malaise that it is. Which is why you're arguing. We need to play some DCC

[00:42:11] which you can burn all your spell points or you can burn all your abilities and cast whatever the goddamn hell you want. I think he'd be fine on DCC because he does not give a fuck. I really don't. But I appreciate your interpretation. The idea is

[00:42:25] not the spirit. I mean the DM could be cool and allowed but you know it would break the game a little bit. This is the party with 4518 I don't know if you have a... I don't know if you have a met me Troy. I'm still uncool either way.

[00:42:41] Bonus action, bonus action. You know when Luke's right he's right. Do your thing. Who's next? Let's carry on. Dead, dead, dead. The four individual... Sorry, sorry the six individuals who are chanting begin to come towards the door. They can't make it through. They clump and get down.

[00:43:07] You know you got it. Now you got it. Now you got it. Now you got it. They all have the same initiative so if they all move at the same time then they couldn't fit through the door. Let's see. Chanting louder and louder and louder. Beautiful.

[00:43:21] Who came after that? Close the door. I'm gonna destroy. You're now silver. I swapped you because someone complained. I'm gonna go run over and close the door. And lock it again. That would be funny but what do you want to do? That's what I'm doing.

[00:43:48] I'm running over to close the door and lock it. He just told you what he's doing. If my ghoul dies I'm gonna play a wizard and I'm just gonna fuck with Lucas's game. I'm not gonna take any damage spells I'm just gonna get all the pissy ones. Fucking...

[00:44:04] Fucking walls and fucking just... Let's roll me in a post strength as these individuals attempt to push the door back open. Which way is the door open? Into where you are standing. So they were pushing on it while he was pushing on it. Rolled a 16 on the die.

[00:44:25] You win. The door stays open. Alright, I'm gonna go attack that guy. Now he's so... Why would he move that way? 5, 10, 15, I can count that 20 by going diagonal. He was here? Why is he taking that step? 25. You can move one more.

[00:44:49] There's 20 feet if you take all the diagonals that's why in the old version of the game you need to move two diagonals. 16 to hit? Yeah, definitely hits. 8 damage. Is there a reason why you're rolling a D10 or a D... 100? He drops. Nice. Like a bitch!

[00:45:14] And I'll take a 5 step back since I still have 5 at any moment. He counted you as 25? No, he counted you stupid. You could have done it in 20 but you could have moved 5. Why are you always keeping a man down? Which direction? Straight back. This way? Yeah.

[00:45:36] Then it goes to Flynn. There are a bunch of dead bodies around you what would you like to do? Meow. Um... I think we should probably fuck off out of here. You know anything that heal yourself? Do we get potions or anything? Flynn.

[00:45:56] You had the opportunity when you rated the apothecary and no one took anything so... Here we are. No, no, no. He's right. Why did we not steal everything in the apothecary? Absolutely fucking the biggest question of this game so far. That's fair.

[00:46:12] The biggest question is why Lucas sucks and that will never be figured out. But the second biggest question is why didn't we steal all of this? That's true. It's pretty level with why Lucas sucks. The crack house. Why did you give up the crack house?

[00:46:26] That's also a good question. I don't remember ever being in a place where we searched and found potions. No one searched for any specific type of potion in that room. You asked him where are you hiding the goods and he showed you.

[00:46:40] To be fair, we weren't really trying to get on along to where we level up. Anyway, Flynn. My suggestion would be level up. You flanked the door and prepared action. You can't close the door, can you? No. How bad are you? I mean, I'm four hit points.

[00:46:56] Yeah, I'm not surviving that. You can also take the defensive action and stay where you're at. I'm making it all the way to you. Ranged attacks at all? Can you hit him from here? They're all holding clubs. You know that. I'm not worried about their range of attacks.

[00:47:16] I can Flynn throw something at them. Oh, I don't know. You're a monk. Can you throw shit? No. Can you throw a kitty cat? Hairball. I can fire hairball. That needs to be a thing. You gotta make the noise the whole time though.

[00:47:32] I feel like Flynn could do that. It takes you 10 minutes to get it up. It's a 10 minute casting time. Man, I really hate cats. I used to love cats until I had two of them in the house. They're very thoughtful. They're very lovey, but god,

[00:47:48] what's the defensive action? I believe it gives you a bonus to plus your AC. They ain't gonna make it to you because I'm gonna get in the way. It'd be nice if you had any sort of range. Cody does go next. Damn. I keep my rage going.

[00:48:04] I'm gonna search the big dude who took forever to Okay. See what he has on him. I'm gonna search him. Give me a... He's using his action to do it. This is him. You find on him obviously all these individuals are wearing green robes.

[00:48:26] You actually find a golden instead of silver? Sidgell? I better get double for that. That counts as three. It's like a fucking golden hurling. You also Well, I don't know whether or not you can wield this. Probably not. He was carrying a gilded warpick

[00:48:48] rather than like a Cemetery sword thing. The gilded warpick. I thought you said he had a dagger. He was carrying a gilded... He was fighting with a dagger but he's carrying a gilded warpick. What a dipshit. How much damage is a warpick? D8?

[00:49:06] Maybe he's not proficient. He just hopes it intimidates people. Someday. I was like, I'll take it. Get my dagger. He has both. So he's got a golden warpick as well. That's dope. I don't know if you can carry that yourself.

[00:49:22] I'll snap the little pin it off and put it in my cat park. Sure, sure. Is that your anus? It's a bag of holding. Oh my god. That'd be awesome. I feel like you should wear a fanny pack. I feel like I probably have some sort of

[00:49:36] little leather fanny pack. And then I'm going to move behind the sarcophagus and just kind of... This one? Yeah. I've played with Flynn like this before. This is not my favorite version of Flynn. Well listen, I am a coward. Where he hides and everyone else fights?

[00:49:54] I've heard this story. We've told it on the podcast multiple times. Oh yeah. We'll throw back the true heads. It goes to Cody. Does anybody other than the Paladin have healing shit? Fuck it. 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. I think 30 puts me in front of the door

[00:50:10] if you don't move me in a stupid way. I'm not a Paladin. I'm an Artifus here. Either way, you're still one away from the door. I can make that work. I throw an axe. It counts as an attack. I need my rage going. Pick one.

[00:50:28] Whichever one is in the way of the... Put me one over. Do you have a boomerang axe? No, but it keeps my rage going. Go ahead and roll to attack and I'll tell you which one you hit. I'm throwing straight at the one in front of me.

[00:50:46] I'll call it number three. I'm not going for any one that gets any sort of fucking thing. No, you're fine. I'll call it number three. I actually wrote them down. So 1-3-3 or 1-3-6. 19. Hits. These guys look significantly stringier. What's the word? Weaker. 12 damage. Very dead.

[00:51:16] That goes through his head and he dies. Can I see another one? Yeah, I throw the other axe in the other hand. That's 18 to hit. Roll damage? 7 damage. So I like the idea that I leap over some dead bodies. Like, this cool kind of gallops.

[00:51:45] You know what I mean? Like, eight arms. Yeah, yeah. And just strides at a massive rate. Gets to the end of his movement. He loaps. He's using big words again. This is not the podcast for that. We talked about this before. Five letters.

[00:52:05] It's only one more letter than like fuck, shit, damn. We say that on the podcast. Assie. Assie. Is that an EY or a Y? It's gonna be a Y. It's not for letters. There are a few places that I get hate for having a large vocabulary.

[00:52:23] No, no, I'm not hating on you. No, no, not you. You're fine. I'm not a professional. I get it. Big words and scribbly writing. Anyway, I like the idea that he sort of stops at his movement. Leans back with both axes at the same time.

[00:52:41] And just like full body flexes both of them, and it just goes through both of their heads. Switch hitter. Boom, boom. And he looks at the remaining four of six and just raises his hands and indicates they should bring it. Very sort of like

[00:52:57] One hand out, come get some you bitches. Your chant means fuck all to my barbarian. Top of the order is Alex. Rip and tear. You can't see anybody else. They are behind walls in fairness. But you did just see that massive like machismo display.

[00:53:16] You saw him throw two axes into a door and you heard thunk thunk. I would have communicated what I saw. He probably heard screams of death. Hand out the pond. I'm going to leave them to their murder spree at the moment. Yeah.

[00:53:31] Would you like to heal the cat? And I will use cure wounds on the cat. You bless you sir. Is that touch? That's... You can move to him. I don't know if it's on touch or not. I don't believe so. All healing spells are pretty much healing spells.

[00:53:49] Not all. Most. I'll move to him just in case but I will check that in a minute. Fondle is... Fondle is both. I believe so. So roll whatever diet is to heal. He only lost six if you can get him back to six. That's full.

[00:54:06] Invisible touch and it takes control. Only ten yeah. You have all your health back. Yes. Boom, bye-bye. Spring into combat. Cat's hair just frizzes right up. I'm back. Boom, boom, boom. From there the other four individuals disperse in multiple directions. Huh. Sucks.

[00:54:33] None of them within your range to attack. Sucks. Cowards. Thank you all for listening. The Big Sleep was written by Sandy Peterson and Jonah Baumgartz. Music by Ian Shannon. You can find us online at rancorsbrothel.com. Join in the conversation on Facebook at Fans of the Rancors Brothel.