The more things change. The more they…well…don’t. More Voormi, more stones walls, and only hope fills our adventurers as they inch closer to an exit. More interesting features, statues, and altars have been located. What else is still hidden in here?
Find out as we continue The Big Sleep, an adventure in Sandy Petersen's Cthulhu Mythos.
Starring
Cody as Cyrus, a Ghoul Barbarian
Flynn as Mr. Whimples, a Dreamlands Cat
Troy as Cassius, a Triton Paladin
Alex as Magnus, a Dragonborn Artificer
[00:00:16] Bancors Brothel presents The Big Sleep Umythos 5e Adventure.
[00:00:36] I'm already dead.
[00:01:26] Has anybody got a medicine check?
[00:01:29] You being undead doesn't matter, you're a character in the game.
[00:01:34] Okay.
[00:01:35] 21?
[00:01:36] 17.
[00:01:37] This shit looks like leprosy.
[00:01:40] Highly contagious and horrible.
[00:01:43] I'm immune to disease.
[00:01:46] Not this one.
[00:01:49] Alright.
[00:01:50] He's shit green.
[00:01:51] Apparently, being literally the thing out of the book that he just read me through, says
[00:01:56] inured to disease.
[00:01:59] What does Gemini have to say about the word inured, Flynn?
[00:02:02] It is a magical form called lightning leprosy.
[00:02:06] It says Lucas is a nerd.
[00:02:08] Is it a disease?
[00:02:10] It is a disease.
[00:02:12] Fuck it.
[00:02:12] You get five more points of healing and you're healed.
[00:02:15] Yeah, less to rest?
[00:02:17] No.
[00:02:18] Less a restoration.
[00:02:19] Did I get a saving throw against it?
[00:02:25] Your saving throw was to not take...
[00:02:28] You failed the save, therefore...
[00:02:30] You failed the DC of the save, therefore you got the leprosy.
[00:02:34] Okay.
[00:02:34] That's how this works.
[00:02:35] It says I'm completely immune to non-magical and I get advantage on saving throws against
[00:02:39] magical, but since I failed the saving throw against lightning, that apparently means
[00:02:42] I failed the saving throw against the magical without knowing about it.
[00:02:46] Is your interpretation?
[00:02:50] Just asking.
[00:02:51] Just figured I'd clarify.
[00:02:52] He healed you.
[00:02:52] It doesn't matter.
[00:02:53] Well, it doesn't, because it doesn't count if it requires lesser restoration.
[00:02:56] It can't do that.
[00:02:57] It requires lesser restoration to heal it.
[00:02:58] It can't do that.
[00:02:59] He's not a high enough level.
[00:03:00] I can tell you that right now.
[00:03:03] Probably next level?
[00:03:05] I can use five points to cure a disease.
[00:03:09] It's not a disease, it's magical.
[00:03:11] It actually is labeled as a disease, you are correct.
[00:03:15] Will you make up your mind?
[00:03:17] Because if it's a disease, I'm inured to disease.
[00:03:21] You're cured.
[00:03:21] Now that I'm reading the text, it is a disease.
[00:03:23] So I guess you're fine.
[00:03:24] I am a dead thing.
[00:03:25] I cannot get leprosy.
[00:03:27] Your skin looks like shit.
[00:03:28] It looked like shit to begin with.
[00:03:32] Lightning leprosy is cool.
[00:03:34] You can actually pass it on to your party.
[00:03:36] Like, yes, you just want one of us to get it.
[00:03:38] I understand.
[00:03:39] Yeah, that was the point.
[00:03:40] But I literally am inured to disease.
[00:03:42] I'm immune to non-magical diseases.
[00:03:44] The only person who got the disease was the person who couldn't get diseases.
[00:03:48] To non-magical diseases?
[00:03:49] Yes.
[00:03:51] Is it considered a magical one?
[00:03:53] I don't know.
[00:03:54] You're literally the one reading the book who said it was.
[00:03:56] A supernaturally accelerated form of the feared skin disease.
[00:04:04] I mean, it doesn't specify that it's magical, but it's a magical trap.
[00:04:09] So...
[00:04:09] Which means he got it instead of getting a contagion from somebody else.
[00:04:14] It was magically given to him.
[00:04:17] What does it take to heal it?
[00:04:17] That's all.
[00:04:18] Lesser restoration.
[00:04:19] That it is a magical disease.
[00:04:21] Yeah.
[00:04:23] So then you got it.
[00:04:24] You can give it to me if you like.
[00:04:26] Yeah, you got it.
[00:04:28] But there is no role for contracting it.
[00:04:32] No, it's an instantaneous based on the trap.
[00:04:35] So my advantage on magical...
[00:04:38] On saving throws against magical disease do not matter.
[00:04:41] Did you roll advantage?
[00:04:42] Oh, I didn't roll advantage because it was a fucking con save on a trap!
[00:04:45] Go ahead and roll...
[00:04:47] That's what I'm saying!
[00:04:50] That's what it is.
[00:04:51] DC's...
[00:04:51] It's a constitution saving throw.
[00:04:53] On a failed save, the creature takes 18...
[00:04:55] 48 lightning and contracts lightning leprosy.
[00:05:02] That's what it says.
[00:05:04] All right.
[00:05:05] Or half as much and no disease on a successful save, which you save twice on.
[00:05:08] Okay.
[00:05:09] All right.
[00:05:09] So it does not say that you get an extra save against the lightning.
[00:05:12] How much damage does it do when I get it?
[00:05:14] The damage that you took.
[00:05:18] Extremely painful.
[00:05:19] Physical symptoms.
[00:05:20] Leprosy causes lepers to often be shunned and isolated.
[00:05:24] While normal leprosy takes years to manifest,
[00:05:26] those who contract lightning leprosy begin to experience symptoms immediately upon contracting.
[00:05:30] Any humanoid creature must succeed a DC5 con saving throw for every 24 hours.
[00:05:35] So in 24 hours, you can do another saving throw.
[00:05:39] Oh no, sorry.
[00:05:40] That's for everybody else.
[00:05:41] All the rest of you that are around him that are humanoid, so I guess not the cat.
[00:05:46] Every 24 hours, you make a DC5 con saving throw.
[00:05:50] Otherwise, you contract it as well.
[00:05:52] I have Lester Restoration.
[00:05:54] Then you can use that to heal him.
[00:05:56] Thanks.
[00:06:00] Solved that?
[00:06:01] Glad we got that out of the way.
[00:06:02] Where to now?
[00:06:03] Was Lester Restoration prepped?
[00:06:06] Yeah.
[00:06:11] I don't care.
[00:06:14] I don't believe you at all.
[00:06:15] It's fine.
[00:06:18] I was hoping it did damage to me.
[00:06:22] The disease itself?
[00:06:25] It says you have disadvantage on all saving throws made to avoid exhaustion.
[00:06:29] You regain only half your normal number of hit points from spending hit dice.
[00:06:33] You regain no hit points on a long rest.
[00:06:35] In addition, your con is reduced by two until the disease is cured.
[00:06:40] Rough.
[00:06:41] It's real rough.
[00:06:44] But we fucked that Sothogla statue, so...
[00:06:48] Still worth it.
[00:06:49] It's on the ground.
[00:06:50] Totally worth it.
[00:06:53] So that's this room.
[00:06:54] It's a fun room.
[00:06:57] I lost like 20 HP from getting struck by lightning twice.
[00:07:00] Sorry, dude.
[00:07:03] There's no other doors out of this room.
[00:07:06] No.
[00:07:06] It is a dead end.
[00:07:08] It is just a shrine room.
[00:07:09] We should probably take another long run.
[00:07:14] Did you take any damage?
[00:07:16] I took a ton of damage.
[00:07:17] You just took a fuck ton of lightning damage.
[00:07:18] You've been up for 20 minutes.
[00:07:20] You did have it, in fairness, but yeah, it's still a lot.
[00:07:23] I need another...
[00:07:23] Here's the thing.
[00:07:25] Half of two is still one.
[00:07:28] Yeah, okay.
[00:07:30] I'm not telling you, Troy.
[00:07:33] No, I get it.
[00:07:35] This room is actually deemed as safe if you close the doors according to the book, so you can take an eight-hour rest if you guys want.
[00:07:41] And that gets your lightning bolts back.
[00:07:44] I'm...
[00:07:44] It's been 24 hours.
[00:07:47] So I have been dealt...
[00:07:49] In this room alone, I was dealt almost 80 damage.
[00:07:56] Things get more difficult as the game goes.
[00:07:59] What's your max out?
[00:08:00] 65.
[00:08:02] You're welcome.
[00:08:04] Were you taking half each time?
[00:08:06] No, because I haven't been raging.
[00:08:08] No, I forgot.
[00:08:10] I took 50...
[00:08:11] I took 55 straight up.
[00:08:15] Slashing, yeah.
[00:08:16] Which took me down to nine.
[00:08:18] Troy gave me 20.
[00:08:20] Then you dealt me 28 with the lightning.
[00:08:25] It doesn't matter.
[00:08:27] People still don't die in D&D.
[00:08:29] We'll get there.
[00:08:31] You're gonna have to work a lot harder.
[00:08:32] They're gonna have to be a lot tougher.
[00:08:33] You walk out of these double doors, there's still two stairwells north if you wish to go.
[00:08:39] Nope, we're going home.
[00:08:40] Fuck this.
[00:08:41] There's no way to go.
[00:08:42] You gotta work your way out of here.
[00:08:43] Why don't we just go back the way?
[00:08:45] Click your fucking heels as much as you want, you ain't going nowhere.
[00:08:49] This is my house, you go home.
[00:08:50] Do we want to go to the stairs?
[00:08:52] So, the real question is, do we want to go up the stairs or do we want to go back to the crossbridge?
[00:08:58] Well, this was the big thing, right?
[00:08:59] So everything else is just clean up.
[00:09:02] You're not wrong.
[00:09:03] As you're aware.
[00:09:05] I mean, this was the idol.
[00:09:07] You got the book of Ibon, you got the secret.
[00:09:10] I got the big amount of money for the scroll we can't use.
[00:09:14] Yeah.
[00:09:15] Who wants to summon serpents anyway?
[00:09:17] Like a warlock.
[00:09:17] Should we just go upstairs to see what's up there just in case?
[00:09:21] Which ones?
[00:09:21] We haven't found any big bads yet.
[00:09:23] North or northwest?
[00:09:23] Like real big bads.
[00:09:24] North!
[00:09:26] The cat says north.
[00:09:27] Stupid spellcasters to go north.
[00:09:28] North spellcasters.
[00:09:31] I read you the fucking thing.
[00:09:32] That was kind of a bullshit move.
[00:09:40] The oiled bronze and rippling muscled eunuchs.
[00:09:45] This appears to be what is a, it appears to be a guard room.
[00:09:48] Probably where those two guards that you, when you poked your head from the, that prison tunnel earlier came from.
[00:09:59] You see that there is a locked door to your right.
[00:10:07] And then a door directly to your north that is also closed.
[00:10:10] You also see racks on the wall holding battle axes.
[00:10:15] Uh, six battle axes.
[00:10:17] Three steel and three obsidian.
[00:10:19] Three obsidian hand axes.
[00:10:21] Two scimitars.
[00:10:22] Twenty javelins.
[00:10:23] Two sets of scale mail armor.
[00:10:27] Um, and a key hanging on the wall.
[00:10:29] Take the key.
[00:10:31] It appears to be some sort of, uh, large bronze key.
[00:10:37] I take the key.
[00:10:38] Cool.
[00:10:39] Uh, is there anything you want to stick in your bag of holding?
[00:10:43] Flynn?
[00:10:44] I can help.
[00:10:45] Put it all in.
[00:10:47] Put it in.
[00:10:48] Put it in.
[00:10:49] Door to your right.
[00:10:50] Door to your north.
[00:10:51] So we steal everything off the walls and shove it into the bag of holding.
[00:10:55] Except for the key, which I just put in my pocket.
[00:10:58] Hmm?
[00:10:58] It's full at some point.
[00:10:59] Nope.
[00:11:02] It's extra planar, Lucas.
[00:11:05] I mean, I can't, there's a, there is a limit of some kind.
[00:11:09] Anyway, right or forward?
[00:11:12] What's the locked one?
[00:11:14] To your right.
[00:11:15] Does it open like Aragorn?
[00:11:18] Oh, locked.
[00:11:19] So it doesn't open.
[00:11:20] Well, he's got a key.
[00:11:22] I test the key.
[00:11:24] Click.
[00:11:25] It opens.
[00:11:25] It now opens.
[00:11:27] It appears to be prison pits.
[00:11:32] There are two pits.
[00:11:33] Sorry.
[00:11:34] Two pits are sunk into the floor of this chamber, each covered with a lattice of dark woods,
[00:11:37] of dark wood staves lashed together with dried sinew.
[00:11:42] One of the pits houses a disheveled vormi, huddled and asleep on the bare stone floor.
[00:11:47] These look similar to the prison pits that you saw in the previous room.
[00:11:52] You know, I'm just going to assume Sandy Peters, either Sandy Peterson's being a fuck or Lucas'
[00:11:57] because every time we think we know what's going on, something drastically strange happens.
[00:12:01] So like, normally I'd be like, let's let these people out of the prison because they're against the other people, but they'll probably try and now our balls off.
[00:12:07] Yeah.
[00:12:08] Yeah.
[00:12:08] He said it was a vormir, so it's probably, yeah, they're probably just.
[00:12:11] But like, why would a vormi lock up another vormi?
[00:12:16] Because he was being a bad boy.
[00:12:18] Right.
[00:12:19] But if he's bad, then wouldn't he theoretically be on our side?
[00:12:23] Shoot him.
[00:12:26] Just coup de grace.
[00:12:27] That's all that's in here.
[00:12:29] Two prison pits and a sleeping vormi.
[00:12:31] There are six other doors out of this room.
[00:12:33] There's one, there are no more doors in this area.
[00:12:37] There's one door in the area that you just, on the guards rim.
[00:12:41] Close and lock it.
[00:12:44] Yeah, you can leave him in there if you want.
[00:12:45] Swallow the key.
[00:12:49] So you go into the northern door?
[00:12:50] No, I throw a hand grenade in there with him.
[00:12:52] Holy hand grenade?
[00:12:53] I've got several.
[00:12:54] Potato masher.
[00:12:56] Northern door.
[00:12:56] I need to use those more often.
[00:12:58] I really do.
[00:12:59] I keep forgetting I have grenades I've made.
[00:13:05] This door opens.
[00:13:07] The walls of this cavern are painted with scenes of hairy vormi building underground cities,
[00:13:12] fighting ancient humans and slaying great shaggy monsters.
[00:13:15] In each scene, they follow a pale, hairless creature, much like a vormi, but taller and bulkier.
[00:13:22] A throne of carved bones stands in the back of the room, surmounted by a large, horned skull.
[00:13:30] Deliberately placed piles of bones dot the floor in some inscrutable pattern.
[00:13:42] All right, northwest stairs.
[00:13:45] Now go sit on the throne.
[00:13:48] Not you.
[00:13:49] If it fits, you sit.
[00:13:51] So there's...
[00:13:52] It's a room with a bunch of paintings and the only thing in here is a throne of bones.
[00:13:57] Bone throne.
[00:13:57] Bone throne.
[00:13:58] And piles of bones sort of around the room.
[00:14:02] Take you to the bone throne.
[00:14:02] I'll sit on the bone throne.
[00:14:04] Sit on my bone throne.
[00:14:07] See?
[00:14:08] If you fits, you sits.
[00:14:10] That's true.
[00:14:11] I'm worried it's not gonna fits.
[00:14:13] Yeah.
[00:14:14] Wait, what are we talking about?
[00:14:16] I yeet Flynn onto the bone throne.
[00:14:18] Yay!
[00:14:19] There are roughly 14 neatly arranged bone piles on the floor.
[00:14:23] Each pile is composed of one type of bone from multiple creatures.
[00:14:28] I really wanna knock one.
[00:14:32] I know that's gonna summon something.
[00:14:34] One knuckle bone, one tibia, one rib, et cetera.
[00:14:38] It is literally one bone from multiple creatures in each pile.
[00:14:41] What is that?
[00:14:42] They're kinda randomized.
[00:14:43] Like...
[00:14:45] The piles are all knuckle bones but from different creatures?
[00:14:48] No, so one pile has a knuckle bone, a tibia, fibia...
[00:14:52] But they're all from different creatures.
[00:14:53] How do we know they're from different?
[00:14:54] You can tell they're...
[00:14:55] Oh, like different sizes and shit.
[00:14:56] Yeah, just like by nature you can tell these are all different creatures' bones.
[00:14:59] Like there's...
[00:15:00] It's not one person's pile of bones.
[00:15:01] There's a chicken wing but there's clearly like, you know, the center cut of a ham and
[00:15:07] there's like a deer skull and, you know, a human hand.
[00:15:11] They seem to be deliberately placed here but you're not sure why.
[00:15:15] Spooky scary skeletons.
[00:15:16] Spooky skeletons.
[00:15:17] They're all just gonna stand up and fight.
[00:15:19] And then it's gonna...
[00:15:20] They're gonna like have goddamn breath weapons or something.
[00:15:23] Give me an ink check.
[00:15:25] And the first level spell cast.
[00:15:27] Uh, nature.
[00:15:28] Nature.
[00:15:29] Nature check.
[00:15:30] Nature.
[00:15:31] Then they're gonna sneak attack us.
[00:15:32] Or sorry.
[00:15:33] 400 points of damage.
[00:15:34] Or yogsothothory.
[00:15:35] I'll give you that if you have it.
[00:15:36] Aw, yog.
[00:15:37] Aw, yog.
[00:15:41] 19.
[00:15:42] 15?
[00:15:43] Oh, sorry, 19.
[00:15:46] 13 yogsothothothory.
[00:15:46] Wow, you actually failed the yogsothothory that time.
[00:15:49] DC was 14 for the yogsothothory.
[00:15:52] I wish it was.
[00:15:53] 18 for the ant.
[00:15:55] So, at least three out of the four of you realize that the horned creature, so the horned
[00:16:00] um, skull, comes from a large creature known as a nofke.
[00:16:05] G-N-O-P-H dash K-E-H.
[00:16:12] Nofke.
[00:16:13] Nofke.
[00:16:14] What do we know of nofkes?
[00:16:19] They're like weird addiction.
[00:16:22] Uh, they're large draconic ancient creatures.
[00:16:29] Not something that is depicted on the walls?
[00:16:31] They are depicted in the paintings, yes.
[00:16:33] Oh, okay.
[00:16:34] So, to understand the situation in the room, there's a skull of a large draconic creature,
[00:16:39] and a bunch of piles of bones, and this is for them to form up a body of one of these things.
[00:16:48] Maybe.
[00:16:49] The bones are from multiple creatures, not one thing.
[00:16:56] It's very clear.
[00:17:00] There's forms of art where you take pictures and make other pictures out of them.
[00:17:06] Sure.
[00:17:06] It's called a collage.
[00:17:08] Oh, yeah.
[00:17:08] Yeah, these are just the piles of bones.
[00:17:09] Like I said, the pictures are just paintings.
[00:17:11] The bones are gonna get up and dance and do all kinds of shit here in a second.
[00:17:14] They're mostly scenes depicting hunting, led by a larger looking, weird looking vormite-like creature.
[00:17:23] Um, some of them fighting, uh, one of them is fighting a naufke.
[00:17:27] Humans, serpent folks, and others.
[00:17:29] Um, some cases the hunters appear to be returning with captives, and others just with meat.
[00:17:36] A few of the scenes show Vormai constructing a vast, uh, underground city and worshipping at the foot of a massive idol of Sothagua.
[00:17:49] Um, one section actually appears to have what look like branches painted, um, that would give you the indication that it is some sort of crude family tree.
[00:18:04] Are there any branches or forks in that tree, or is it very Tennessee?
[00:18:07] Give me another Yogg-Sothothory check.
[00:18:09] The ones who have Yogg-Sothothory can roll this.
[00:18:11] The others cannot.
[00:18:12] I mean, we all have Yogg-Sothothory.
[00:18:14] Uh, I didn't know why everybody took it.
[00:18:15] I thought it was just these two.
[00:18:16] Is it something you take?
[00:18:18] I mean, it is literally something you take.
[00:18:19] Thirteen.
[00:18:20] It's a train only.
[00:18:21] Yeah.
[00:18:21] You can't, you can't roll it.
[00:18:22] You had to choose at creation to take it.
[00:18:24] Eleven.
[00:18:26] Sorry, what was yours?
[00:18:27] Thirteen.
[00:18:27] Thirteen.
[00:18:28] You are unsure of what this, uh, this family tree is-
[00:18:34] Burn it.
[00:18:34] Is identifying, or who they are identifying.
[00:18:38] Torch.
[00:18:40] It's a painting on a wall, so it does not burn.
[00:18:43] Throw turpentine.
[00:18:47] That's this room.
[00:18:49] Um, from this room-
[00:18:50] I guess it was a tempestry.
[00:18:51] Not a tempestry.
[00:18:52] It is a painting.
[00:18:53] Well, you said it was a painting on a wall, and earlier you said there's spellcasters,
[00:18:56] so I mean, it could have been a tapestry.
[00:18:58] It is a painting on a wall.
[00:18:59] So from this room, the only other exit, other than the door you came in, is, uh, to your
[00:19:05] right.
[00:19:06] And it sort of curves south.
[00:19:09] But we haven't-
[00:19:10] We haven't sat on the bone throne yet.
[00:19:11] Like, that's gonna have to happen.
[00:19:14] You sit on the throne.
[00:19:16] You sit on the throne.
[00:19:17] You sit on the throne of lies.
[00:19:18] Oh, bone.
[00:19:19] Yeah, nothing happens.
[00:19:20] You sit on the throne.
[00:19:22] Congratulations.
[00:19:24] Sitting on the bone throne, do I notice any sort of interesting arrangement of these bones?
[00:19:29] You're unsure, really, of what the point is.
[00:19:32] Why they're arranged there.
[00:19:33] If I take the nobke skull and put it on my head like a giant, uh, like, mask from Elder
[00:19:40] Scrolls or something-
[00:19:42] That thing would probably cover up almost your entire body.
[00:19:45] Fair.
[00:19:46] But then do I-
[00:19:48] I don't know.
[00:19:49] Maybe I thought something cool would happen.
[00:19:51] No.
[00:19:51] Nothing.
[00:19:52] It's worth a shot.
[00:19:53] Everything seems to be arranged for a purpose, but you're just not sure why.
[00:19:56] Right.
[00:19:57] So you can either go back out the door you came in, or you can go through the tunnel that
[00:20:01] is to your southwest.
[00:20:03] Tunnel!
[00:20:04] Kick a couple of pile of the bones over.
[00:20:06] Cool.
[00:20:07] When you go through the tunnel, you come down into what is essentially the first large space
[00:20:12] you came into when you actually entered this area.
[00:20:16] You guys kind of came through a tunnel into a large landing, and then you just went south.
[00:20:20] Mm-hmm.
[00:20:21] So if you look to your right, you see the, uh, way off against the far wall, you see that
[00:20:27] large door that is like- has like a large beam in front of it that is locking it that
[00:20:32] you guys never opened.
[00:20:33] And then there is a stairwell going directly south, and peering over the edge of the stairs,
[00:20:39] you see a table and realize that that is the cafeteria that you started in.
[00:20:45] And then there is another, uh, another exit to your southwest.
[00:20:51] It's not more, not really a tunnel, but it does kind of go down into another space.
[00:20:58] One of which you have not ventured.
[00:21:01] Clear as mud.
[00:21:04] Do you want to go back and try the northwest stair?
[00:21:08] Are we back in the cafeteria?
[00:21:11] The northwest stair is what you're standing on the top of.
[00:21:13] Yeah, as I say, we've-
[00:21:14] Oh, okay.
[00:21:15] It circles around.
[00:21:15] We've looped all the way around.
[00:21:17] You've looped back around to the cafeteria.
[00:21:19] God, I got a twitch, fuck.
[00:21:22] Well-
[00:21:22] So there's a barred door.
[00:21:25] Yep, which was there when you first walked in.
[00:21:29] Um, but now where you're standing, there is a southwest, uh, it's not a tunnel, it is
[00:21:35] an opening that goes southwest.
[00:21:37] Just an opening.
[00:21:40] Uh, yeah, it goes, it continues to go somewhere you've not ventured yet.
[00:21:43] Probably the canyon.
[00:21:45] Uh, do we want to see what's being blocked up, or?
[00:21:50] I mean, we fucked up everything else.
[00:21:53] We can't get more cursed, right?
[00:21:56] We're on the bar side of a barred door?
[00:22:02] Uh, yeah.
[00:22:06] It's a massive door that is barred.
[00:22:10] Don't dead, open inside.
[00:22:11] Define massive.
[00:22:15] 20 feet wide, probably almost 20 feet tall.
[00:22:18] Okay.
[00:22:18] It's a massive door.
[00:22:19] I would concur, that is quite a big door.
[00:22:27] They call it a massive sturdy gate barred with a beam.
[00:22:31] A massive beam.
[00:22:36] Good to go for Pandora's box.
[00:22:38] Why don't we go around the other way and see what's that way first?
[00:22:44] Okay, but we're coming back to open the big scary door.
[00:22:47] Absolutely.
[00:22:47] Okay, alright.
[00:22:48] Just making sure, just making sure we're all on the same page.
[00:22:51] We need to open the scary door.
[00:22:54] Alright.
[00:22:54] A great outcropping of rock like the prowl of a ship splits the canyon ahead in two.
[00:23:00] Both pass leading to a, I don't like that word, precipitous drop-offs.
[00:23:07] Precipitous.
[00:23:07] Precipitous.
[00:23:08] Ancient statues crowd the upper reaches of the outcropping, badly eroded but displaying unusual proportions in strange physiology.
[00:23:17] I feel like we were here before.
[00:23:18] I feel like that description happened before and I think you mispronounced.
[00:23:23] Probably did.
[00:23:24] Editor.
[00:23:25] So maybe you have been down here before, it's been a minute and I have not edited that part of the audio yet.
[00:23:29] Fair.
[00:23:29] Yeah, I remember the statues and stuff.
[00:23:31] Yeah.
[00:23:32] That also might have been in another area, so in fairness.
[00:23:37] Alright, big door.
[00:23:38] Woo!
[00:23:39] Big door.
[00:23:43] I love that Lucas, I've been watching him out of the corner of my eye because I don't want to look at the map too much because I can see parts of it.
[00:23:50] But I don't know if any of the other three of you have noticed.
[00:23:54] When he started, there were like 48 little tiny sticky notes on the map and he's been slowly peeling them off one by one.
[00:24:02] That still reminds me there's things to fight in there, yeah.
[00:24:05] There are only a couple sticky notes left just so you guys know.
[00:24:07] Okay.
[00:24:07] I think I saw two or three.
[00:24:10] I thought that was a clever way to keep track of that.
[00:24:12] I didn't know what it was for, but I didn't know if you were writing room numbers and pages to go through.
[00:24:18] No.
[00:24:18] But it was like, you'd go to a room and Lucas would be like, put the sticky note off, crumble it up, and go to the page.
[00:24:23] It's like debased serpent folk archer one, archer two, with little arrows of where they're standing because that's where they're supposed to be.
[00:24:31] My way of keeping track of things.
[00:24:33] You do what you want.
[00:24:35] Where are you?
[00:24:36] Did Jeff take apart a D&D book?
[00:24:38] He did that for Out of the Abyss.
[00:24:40] He's got tabs and everything.
[00:24:42] He unbound it and put it in a spiral so that he could go in and insert his own pages and notes and stuff.
[00:24:50] Oh, wow.
[00:24:50] Like, so he's got like a thick ass, like spiral bound version of Out of the Abyss.
[00:24:56] Oh.
[00:24:56] Because he's like, I'm so tired of like leaning on the book and like.
[00:24:59] Yeah.
[00:25:00] It was pretty cool looking.
[00:25:01] The gate is barred from this side with a rough hewn beam, six inches thick.
[00:25:07] While the opposite of the door, well, you would know that.
[00:25:13] The opposite of the door has something.
[00:25:16] Clearly.
[00:25:18] Um, yeah.
[00:25:19] God damn it.
[00:25:20] It's got a big beam across it.
[00:25:22] The opposite of the door has slathering jaws from the 47 pounds of tinderless.
[00:25:27] There's something on the other side of it.
[00:25:32] Is there a mechanism to lift the beam?
[00:25:35] Your shoulder probably.
[00:25:37] It was a 20 foot spar.
[00:25:40] Yeah.
[00:25:41] So multiple people's shoulders to lift the six inch thick beam.
[00:25:45] Right.
[00:25:45] But so you, you've designed a door.
[00:25:47] I didn't design this.
[00:25:49] Well, yeah, I know.
[00:25:51] Don't blame me.
[00:25:53] I'm a hundred percent believing you.
[00:25:54] So you've got like a 20 foot wide door, right?
[00:25:58] Yep.
[00:25:59] If it's barred, presumably it splits in the middle or something, right?
[00:26:03] Like it's hinged in some way.
[00:26:05] Yeah.
[00:26:06] You've got a massive goddamn beam.
[00:26:09] Sure.
[00:26:10] Like it would be ridiculous to lift this like on a frequent basis.
[00:26:17] You know what I mean?
[00:26:17] There's no mechanism to lift it.
[00:26:21] Doesn't look like it's been opened in quite some time.
[00:26:23] It just screams danger and that we shouldn't do it, but I still really want to do it.
[00:26:28] Probably should do it.
[00:26:29] It's a hundred percent.
[00:26:30] Don't open dead inside.
[00:26:31] That's basically what it says.
[00:26:33] Or sorry.
[00:26:34] Don't dead open inside.
[00:26:36] That's what it, yeah.
[00:26:36] Don't dead open inside.
[00:26:39] All right.
[00:26:42] I'll put a shoulder into it.
[00:26:43] Yeah.
[00:26:43] Let's lift the bar and see what happens.
[00:26:45] Yeah.
[00:26:45] The plan is that we run back towards the...
[00:26:51] At this point, you're back at the beginning of the map where you started.
[00:26:54] Right.
[00:26:54] But that means we're going to face your narratively convenient birds if we go back.
[00:27:00] I mean, depends on where you end up.
[00:27:04] After a few hits with your shoulder, a couple of you can probably lift this beam, set it on the ground.
[00:27:10] You can open the door.
[00:27:11] It pulls in.
[00:27:14] It pulls in.
[00:27:14] Horseshit.
[00:27:17] We lift the beam and we get Aragorned.
[00:27:20] I know!
[00:27:21] When you open the door, do you see set into the opposite side of the door, as I almost accidentally explained, are spikes.
[00:27:29] As if they would be facing whatever's inside of this room.
[00:27:34] Oh, dear.
[00:27:36] Like...
[00:27:36] Large, iron, foot-long spikes.
[00:27:40] Arranged how?
[00:27:41] Wow.
[00:27:42] The entire door is basically covering spikes.
[00:27:44] That's not good.
[00:27:45] Close this door and you can...
[00:27:47] I don't know!
[00:27:48] Anyway...
[00:27:49] Like, everything is screaming not to go in there, but all that does is just make me want to do it some more.
[00:27:54] Like, beyond it, you see a large glacier.
[00:28:01] Um...
[00:28:02] And what it appears to...
[00:28:04] I mean, it goes up and up and up, but you do see, like, some sunlight at the top, as if there's some sort of opening way up at the top.
[00:28:12] And below you, you do see an opening that goes so far into darkness you have no idea where it ends.
[00:28:20] Okay.
[00:28:21] I think I know what we're seeing.
[00:28:23] It appears to be a bottomless pit at your feet and, like, a large glacier that goes somewhere.
[00:28:29] Like, this is radiating pretty cold?
[00:28:33] Oh, yeah.
[00:28:37] Well, it's a...
[00:28:41] Why would it be so big?
[00:28:44] See, that's the thing that gets me.
[00:28:45] What I would argue is that this is a defended position for the fortress.
[00:28:51] And that it's defended against...
[00:28:55] Something big, right?
[00:28:57] So you've barred the door and you've got spikes.
[00:29:01] So that whatever the fuck comes down this thing hits itself on the spikes, then rolls down into the pit?
[00:29:07] Without rolling an insight, that's pretty fucking accurate.
[00:29:10] Yeah, it's almost like I've played these games before.
[00:29:13] Yeah.
[00:29:14] But why would you make the door so goddamn big?
[00:29:17] The, the, the, the largeness of the door is what bothers me.
[00:29:20] Because, like, you ever seen, like, a defended, like, like, wall?
[00:29:26] Like a medieval wall, right?
[00:29:27] The door is very small.
[00:29:29] The wall is very big.
[00:29:30] Like, you're assuming the door came before the opening that it closes in front of.
[00:29:34] Well, no, you just...
[00:29:35] If the opening was already large enough, the large door to cover it would make sense.
[00:29:39] No, no, well, whatever.
[00:29:40] You have to build a large enough door to cover up a space that already exists in a cave.
[00:29:44] No, you build a giant wall with a little door.
[00:29:47] Not what they did.
[00:29:48] I know.
[00:29:49] Maybe it's an intimidation tactic.
[00:29:53] Sure, they're not going to open this very large door.
[00:29:57] No one seems to have opened this very large door in a very long time.
[00:30:00] But no, I get the sense that, like, I don't know.
[00:30:04] I, I'm, I'm envisioning, like, some sort of, like, giant rolling Pokemon or something that, like, a Mario would fight, right?
[00:30:11] And it comes rolling down the fucking hill.
[00:30:13] It hits these spikes, dies, and then slides down into that fucking pit.
[00:30:19] This is probably a non, a non-issue.
[00:30:24] Now, we could go that way, but my argument then would be is if I can surmise all of this, would I know anything locally that would fit the fucking description of what I'm talking about?
[00:30:34] Like, does this make sense?
[00:30:36] Are there giants on this, on the northern glaciers or whatever the fuck?
[00:30:40] I mean, maybe I know, maybe I don't.
[00:30:42] I just thought I'd ask.
[00:30:44] But this is probably not the way we want to go, because we were trying to go down the mountain, right?
[00:30:47] Mm-hmm.
[00:30:52] The direction we want to go?
[00:30:54] Correct.
[00:30:56] Because we were escaping the horde of something that was chasing us to warn the village down the way or some shit.
[00:31:13] Would I have known of anything big in these glacier areas, or would we know of anything?
[00:31:19] Give me a...
[00:31:21] That's fair if you want to roll.
[00:31:22] Give me a history check.
[00:31:22] I'm not, I'm not asking for it.
[00:31:23] Because you're not, you're not from the area, but give me a, give me a history check.
[00:31:25] I just didn't know if it was like, oh yeah, no, the giant rolling twiddly togs of Flurf and Derf or something.
[00:31:32] Twiddly togs?
[00:31:33] No!
[00:31:36] The great-footed yak people.
[00:31:38] Yeah.
[00:31:39] The grape, great-footed yak people.
[00:31:40] I'll let you all roll it.
[00:31:41] That's fine.
[00:31:42] I mean, they were fighting some sort of giant shaggy beast, so maybe it's like the fucking, um...
[00:31:47] Oh, what the fuck are those things in Star Wars?
[00:31:50] That the, that the sand people ride.
[00:31:53] Bantha?
[00:31:53] Yeah.
[00:31:54] Maybe they're like Banthas, I don't know.
[00:31:55] 16.
[00:31:58] Oh, that was such a good roll and then it rolled over the other way.
[00:32:02] 19.
[00:32:04] Not beating either of us.
[00:32:06] Tan!
[00:32:08] Yeah, remember that giant skull you found?
[00:32:10] Oh no.
[00:32:11] Those things are real big when they're not just a skull.
[00:32:14] Ah.
[00:32:17] I don't normally think of dragons rolling down an icy glacier, but...
[00:32:21] Fair enough.
[00:32:22] Fair enough.
[00:32:22] Well, it's not a dragon, it's draconic in a way.
[00:32:28] It is very large.
[00:32:29] So the question is at this point, do we close the door or do we leave it open and walk away?
[00:32:34] Fuck it, not my house.
[00:32:36] No, I pick not my house.
[00:32:37] I don't pay the heating bills.
[00:32:41] We throw the bar down the hole.
[00:32:45] It's an option.
[00:32:46] I fully support this.
[00:32:48] Cool.
[00:32:49] How about it, guys?
[00:32:51] It takes quite a long time.
[00:32:52] You hear it hit, but it takes a minute to get there.
[00:32:59] So let's go the other way.
[00:33:01] Yep.
[00:33:03] So now that where you're standing, there is that original, much narrower walkway that led into that prison area.
[00:33:13] There was a door at the south side and that side prison area that you guys never went through.
[00:33:16] Or you could go back to where I described where you saw in the upper area, you saw those statues.
[00:33:24] The prison area is close by.
[00:33:27] We can always check that last door before we move on.
[00:33:30] You want to do that?
[00:33:32] Yeah.
[00:33:32] Cool.
[00:33:36] Are you opening the door?
[00:33:37] Are you listening at the door?
[00:33:39] I listen at the door.
[00:33:41] How did I open the door?
[00:33:42] Somebody rolled perception earlier.
[00:33:43] You still hear some movement in there.
[00:33:48] Can I identify if it's more like feet, creatures?
[00:33:51] Totally feet.
[00:33:52] Definitely feet.
[00:33:53] Can I tell if there's a lot of them or just a few?
[00:33:58] Not.
[00:33:58] Because there's a big distinction between.
[00:34:00] It does not sound as if there is a horde of individuals in here.
[00:34:02] Probably sounds more like there's only one person in this room.
[00:34:05] Shifting back and forth.
[00:34:09] You know, I'm going to be polite.
[00:34:10] I'm going to knock on the door.
[00:34:14] And knock on the door.
[00:34:15] Hey, your front door's open.
[00:34:17] The shifting halts.
[00:34:18] You hear nothing more.
[00:34:22] I was going to say, Jess, somebody had a misty step, right?
[00:34:24] I do.
[00:34:25] You have to see where you're going.
[00:34:26] Yeah, you look under the door.
[00:34:27] You look under the door.
[00:34:30] No, you can't see through that that way.
[00:34:35] Yes, you can.
[00:34:36] No doors in this realm, but against the floor or flush against the floor.
[00:34:42] There's always a gap.
[00:34:43] You know, I can do you one better.
[00:34:46] I can make mirror image of myself and send a copy in.
[00:34:50] Do you open the door?
[00:34:52] I just kick the door open.
[00:34:53] There's your answer.
[00:34:55] You kick the door open.
[00:34:57] Kicking the door open.
[00:35:02] You see a vormi standing there who instantly snaps its fingers and the jars behind him burst open while skeletal vormi pop out of them.
[00:35:16] Roll initiative.
[00:35:20] Skeletal vormi in jars?
[00:35:22] I'll draw this room out.
[00:35:25] I have not rolled over a single digit.
[00:35:29] I've been rolling Cody for these initiatives tonight.
[00:35:32] Welcome to my world.
[00:35:33] Quick question.
[00:35:34] Are they jars or vats?
[00:35:36] Because you said jars.
[00:35:38] Are they mini vormi?
[00:35:39] Urns.
[00:35:39] Ah.
[00:35:42] Thank you.
[00:35:47] God damn it, Lucas.
[00:35:50] I hate you so much.
[00:35:52] It is our most modestly price reception.
[00:35:55] Kick open the door, you fight a thing.
[00:35:56] That's not what I'm upset with you about.
[00:36:01] Because I didn't say the word urn first?
[00:36:04] No, because your descriptions are a pain in our ass.
[00:36:08] Because I think of a jar and I think of a mason jar or something.
[00:36:12] That's fair.
[00:36:13] Because that's what the word means.
[00:36:15] I didn't say the word jar.
[00:36:18] Even if you had just said urn, we're still not thinking anything much bigger.
[00:36:24] So let's backtrack to what he said.
[00:36:26] The vormi snaps finger and vormi jump out.
[00:36:29] Skeletal vormi.
[00:36:30] Are they mini vormi?
[00:36:32] I was assuming that we're fighting pygmy vormi.
[00:36:35] Pygmy vormi skeletons for sure.
[00:36:37] It's just like, okay.
[00:36:38] What's the...
[00:36:39] What's the AC on that?
[00:36:41] Jesus.
[00:36:43] Seven.
[00:36:49] Seeing I was trying to be polite.
[00:36:52] Have a nice conversation with the guy and the goal decides, nope.
[00:36:55] Let's keep being...
[00:36:59] Let's keep being you on my tongue pillow.
[00:37:04] What kind of motel is this?
[00:37:08] So apparently he used to do that in reality.
[00:37:12] Like David Spade, like...
[00:37:14] I believe it.
[00:37:15] And then they incorporated into the movie.
[00:37:19] My sister had about four movies that she would watch incessantly.
[00:37:25] That was one of them.
[00:37:26] Oh, yeah.
[00:37:27] That one, Beverly Hills Ninja Rush Hour.
[00:37:32] I can't tell you how many times...
[00:37:35] Which, they're all good movies, but I can't tell you how many times...
[00:37:39] Like those...
[00:37:40] She watched them incessantly.
[00:37:43] Cody.
[00:37:44] 16.
[00:37:44] Fireball.
[00:37:48] 11.
[00:37:50] 15.
[00:37:55] Who's got the higher dex?
[00:37:57] I'm sure I do.
[00:37:58] Flynn.
[00:37:59] Flynn by plus two, I bet.
[00:38:02] So, odd question.
[00:38:04] In the D&D context, do you consider bone to be organic or inorganic?
[00:38:08] It's organic.
[00:38:13] If you want to cast shatter, that'd be an excellent spell.
[00:38:16] Oh, I wasn't thinking about that, but that is a good suggestion.
[00:38:19] I was thinking about something else entirely.
[00:38:21] That could be fun to do later.
[00:38:23] The hard part is, is like you get into some weird shit.
[00:38:26] It's why I was arguing so much about the magical versus non-magical disease is because it's like bone in and of itself is an object.
[00:38:34] It is ostensibly inorganic, I guess, because it's not living.
[00:38:41] But it's like...
[00:38:42] Inside the body it is.
[00:38:43] Outside the body, not so much.
[00:38:44] That's a good argument.
[00:38:45] Now that it's magical bone that has some sort of magical structure and everything else, is it inherently magical?
[00:38:53] Is it not?
[00:38:55] You get into some weird shit.
[00:38:56] It's just like certain fires don't actually produce heat or flame in D&D.
[00:39:00] Like you can't actually set things on fire with certain magical fires, but you can with others.
[00:39:05] So...
[00:39:05] Good.
[00:39:06] You were standing at an open door.
[00:39:09] I go first?
[00:39:11] You rolled the 16.
[00:39:12] Yeah.
[00:39:14] Y'all suck.
[00:39:16] Yeah.
[00:39:19] Rage.
[00:39:21] Okay.
[00:39:23] I'm gonna go right for numbnuts in the middle holding the book.
[00:39:31] I've killed and eaten every one of your friends!
[00:39:33] And I'm gonna attack for bonus actions.
[00:39:37] So we'll just do one attack here.
[00:39:42] I'm gonna imagine a 25 hits.
[00:39:44] Yep.
[00:39:45] Seven points of damage.
[00:39:47] Okay.
[00:39:49] Actually, I feel like we need to get him on the ground really, really quickly if I'm honest.
[00:39:53] Action surge.
[00:39:54] Okay.
[00:39:56] If you're curious...
[00:39:58] Two?
[00:40:01] Two of these skeletons are holding obsidian axes.
[00:40:03] The others are...
[00:40:04] Probably roll an extra D16 of damage.
[00:40:07] Basically it clawed.
[00:40:09] Uh...
[00:40:13] Operating under certain assumptions that are probably in...
[00:40:15] Battle axes.
[00:40:16] Not just axes.
[00:40:17] An 11 probably isn't gonna hit him.
[00:40:21] Nope.
[00:40:22] Uh, 16 probably does though.
[00:40:24] Yep.
[00:40:27] Uh, for another four points of damage.
[00:40:30] Be nice to roll not ones and twos on my D8s.
[00:40:33] Okay.
[00:40:35] Uh...
[00:40:35] Finn?
[00:40:37] Uh, what are these little, um, things there?
[00:40:41] Uh, those are giant statues of Vormi.
[00:40:44] Okay.
[00:40:45] Well, not giant.
[00:40:46] But they're large.
[00:40:47] They're five foot statues of Vormi.
[00:40:49] They stand taller than they are wide.
[00:40:51] I said the word giant.
[00:40:53] You did say the word giant for something that is...
[00:40:55] But they're not giant.
[00:40:56] I said it.
[00:40:57] I said it because it's like, oh, those are big.
[00:40:58] They're not that big.
[00:40:59] They're like eight by five.
[00:41:01] Jesus Christ.
[00:41:03] I'm gonna attack the book guy.
[00:41:03] I'm getting real tired guys.
[00:41:05] But you do this all the time!
[00:41:07] Yep.
[00:41:07] 16.
[00:41:08] Uh, sorry, what are you hitting?
[00:41:10] Book guy.
[00:41:11] Book guy, yes.
[00:41:13] Hey book guy.
[00:41:15] 11 damage.
[00:41:18] Nerd.
[00:41:19] Him again!
[00:41:21] That is an 18.
[00:41:23] Yep.
[00:41:23] Yeah.
[00:41:25] Another 11 damage.
[00:41:29] How's it looking, Lucas?
[00:41:31] He's still alive.
[00:41:32] Alright.
[00:41:34] Key...
[00:41:34] Alright.
[00:41:35] Flurry of blows.
[00:41:37] That is 25.
[00:41:39] Yep.
[00:41:41] Another 11 damage.
[00:41:43] Consistency.
[00:41:44] Last one.
[00:41:46] Oh, that's a natural one.
[00:41:48] Misses.
[00:41:48] Hate to see it.
[00:41:50] Hate to see it.
[00:41:52] Alex.
[00:41:54] I walk two spaces into the room.
[00:41:57] Fireball.
[00:41:58] One more.
[00:41:59] One more.
[00:42:00] One more.
[00:42:02] And then I cast Shatter.
[00:42:05] On?
[00:42:05] The middle guy in the back.
[00:42:09] Middle guy in the back.
[00:42:10] Middle skeleton.
[00:42:11] What does Shatter exactly attack?
[00:42:14] So...
[00:42:14] So it ends up radiating out a loud ringing noise from in a 10 foot radius sphere centered on the point I choose.
[00:42:25] All creatures that are affected by this must make a constitution saving throw.
[00:42:29] So anybody in that sphere.
[00:42:32] And...
[00:42:33] A creature can take 3d8 thunder damage on a failed save.
[00:42:38] Half as much.
[00:42:39] Two of your friends are in there.
[00:42:40] Two of your friends are also going to take this.
[00:42:42] But go ahead.
[00:42:43] Please buy all means.
[00:42:43] Cast the spell.
[00:42:44] Yeah, well, they ran up before asking after Cody specifically said...
[00:42:49] Doesn't give a fuck.
[00:42:51] You know, this would be a great time to use Shatter.
[00:42:54] That's a great suggestion.
[00:42:55] Yeah.
[00:42:56] Cast it on the green guy.
[00:42:59] Cast it on the green guy?
[00:43:00] Yeah.
[00:43:01] You'll still hit...
[00:43:03] Still hit Grady.
[00:43:03] Still hit Grady.
[00:43:04] But you'll hit four bad guys still as well.
[00:43:07] I'm not worried about it because chances are I have...
[00:43:10] I have a better chance of making the save and you will do even less damage to me in all likelihood.
[00:43:16] Yeah.
[00:43:16] I'm not worried about getting hit.
[00:43:18] You are ready.
[00:43:20] So...
[00:43:21] Go ahead.
[00:43:22] I am walking or raging, right?
[00:43:23] I don't really care if it's a dick move.
[00:43:26] Might kill a cat, but who knows?
[00:43:29] I am not.
[00:43:31] I keep thinking that you are...
[00:43:33] I'll screw it over to the green guy.
[00:43:35] That you have evaded.
[00:43:35] I really wish I did.
[00:43:36] I'll move it over to the other corner.
[00:43:37] Alright, so it's gonna be one, two, three, four people that I have to roll.
[00:43:41] Cody's gonna roll.
[00:43:42] Yeah, but I'm gonna get...
[00:43:45] I'm gonna get resistance and I also think I get...
[00:43:49] So...
[00:43:50] Which save is this, sorry?
[00:43:52] Hmm?
[00:43:53] What kind of save again?
[00:43:54] Oh, it's a con save.
[00:43:56] Okay, so green...
[00:43:57] I also think I get a bonus to that for raging.
[00:43:59] Is an 18.
[00:44:02] Pink...
[00:44:03] Is...
[00:44:04] That's four.
[00:44:05] That misses.
[00:44:07] Uh...
[00:44:07] I guess that's brown.
[00:44:09] Is another 18.
[00:44:12] And then the one with the blue guy is another 18.
[00:44:16] 317 rolls.
[00:44:18] 317s on that die.
[00:44:19] That's a hot die.
[00:44:20] Which almost certainly means that I'm gonna fuck this up.
[00:44:25] I rolled a 14.
[00:44:29] I rolled a 14.
[00:44:29] So...
[00:44:30] In that case, the first person you rolled four got...
[00:44:34] And the other two get nine.
[00:44:36] And the one who didn't get their con save gets a full 18 of damage.
[00:44:40] Thunder damage.
[00:44:41] Does 14 make the save or no?
[00:44:43] It does not.
[00:44:44] Okay, so I take nine.
[00:44:45] So the one that failed drops...
[00:44:49] That was kind of what I expected.
[00:44:51] If you could have hit all three of them, they all would have dropped.
[00:44:53] Probably are pretty fucking close.
[00:44:55] That's why it would be a great spell.
[00:44:56] Now does shatter...
[00:44:58] Does it not...
[00:45:00] They get disadvantage if they're made of an inorganic substance, unfortunately.
[00:45:07] I would argue the bone's inorganic, but whatever.
[00:45:10] Well, DM makes the rules for that, unfortunately.
[00:45:15] Does it...
[00:45:16] It must be shatter when you cast it on an object, it turns it into shrapnel.
[00:45:20] I know that there's shrapnel involved with shatter.
[00:45:24] It does indeed destroy anything like that as long as it's not worn or carried.
[00:45:30] It was a shrapnel.
[00:45:32] Anyway.
[00:45:33] No, I mean, you did to me nine points.
[00:45:35] If I'd have made the save, it'd have been four points.
[00:45:37] So I'm not worried about doing a whole bunch of damage to me.
[00:45:39] And I didn't kill the cats, so there's something.
[00:45:42] Truth.
[00:45:43] We just took a full rest.
[00:45:44] You'd have been all right.
[00:45:45] That's true.
[00:45:46] Imagine that's your turn.
[00:45:50] Cool.
[00:45:51] Yeah.
[00:45:52] Because if numbnuts over here hadn't rolled like, you know, three cherries, you'd have killed three of them in one pop.
[00:45:57] Four, actually.
[00:45:58] It hit four of his stealths.
[00:46:00] Well, I doubt you'd kill that guy.
[00:46:03] It would have really hurt him though.
[00:46:05] It would definitely, I mean, you definitely did some damage.
[00:46:09] Oh well.
[00:46:10] Next time.
[00:46:11] Next time I'll take out half the guys in one shot.
[00:46:13] See what I can do.
[00:46:14] There's nothing more satisfying than doing that to somebody's combat.
[00:46:17] Like, that's the best part of spell casting.
[00:46:19] I don't want to do a lot of damage.
[00:46:20] I want to fuck up whatever they're doing and I want to do it real bad.
[00:46:24] That's one of the reasons why I've not been leaning on my spells too much.
[00:46:30] Just because sometimes it's fun to save them for a fun situation like this.
[00:46:34] It just depends.
[00:46:36] Because a lot of my spells are very messed up.
[00:46:41] Did that to Dave three or four combats in a row and I think he got real mad.
[00:46:45] What are you doing there, Lucas?
[00:46:46] Who's next?
[00:46:49] How poorly did you roll?
[00:46:51] I rolled an 11?
[00:46:54] Yeah.
[00:46:56] So a few points below these guys.
[00:47:05] This spell is out of this one.
[00:47:09] Despite all my rage, I am still just a ghoul in a cage.
[00:47:15] Although that probably did shatter that statue there so I'm not sure if it's still an occupied space or not.
[00:47:24] I just like to imagine when you cast shatter it's like the beginning of Swordfish.
[00:47:34] Also, great fucking movie.
[00:47:38] Don't you?
[00:47:39] That's a great fucking movie.
[00:47:42] It's a good movie.
[00:47:45] Never have blowjobs been so vital to a plot line.
[00:47:50] I'll just claw at you.
[00:47:54] So the shaman will claw.
[00:47:57] Ah, claw!
[00:47:59] Never gonna cast a sweet spell?
[00:48:01] Nerd.
[00:48:04] Well...
[00:48:04] Yeah, like the one I want to do...
[00:48:07] If I have to move, I get a Ropp attack so I'm not gonna do that.
[00:48:10] I don't know if I want to bother with that one.
[00:48:14] Uh, I mean I could do that one.
[00:48:16] But there's a lot of other people that can attack so it's not gonna make much of a difference.
[00:48:20] Yeah, I'm just gonna claw at the big guy.
[00:48:25] Do I get two attacks or no?
[00:48:27] On this guy?
[00:48:30] Melee does make...
[00:48:33] Uh, probably not.
[00:48:36] That is a 16...
[00:48:39] I imagine misses you.
[00:48:40] No, it hits me.
[00:48:41] 16 hits you?
[00:48:42] Yeah.
[00:48:42] I wear no armor.
[00:48:46] So I've been looking for something magical to boost it.
[00:48:50] Eight slashing.
[00:48:53] Keep trying, man.
[00:48:54] That one also hits...
[00:48:57] Four...
[00:48:57] Six more.
[00:48:58] I take a couple slashes to the chest and laugh.
[00:49:07] Yeah.
[00:49:08] I mean, he's on his last leg already so it's...
[00:49:10] He's not...
[00:49:11] I'm not gonna bother doing a bunch of spells.
[00:49:12] You're a punk bitch.
[00:49:14] Um, the skeletons get to go though.
[00:49:17] So there's three skeletons on the cat and one skeleton on...
[00:49:22] The ghoul.
[00:49:24] Um, the ones on the ends were the ones that had the battle axes.
[00:49:27] The ones in the middle only have claws.
[00:49:29] So battle axe against the ghoul.
[00:49:32] Two attacks.
[00:49:33] That's only a two on the die.
[00:49:35] Hmm.
[00:49:36] That's a 17 on the die.
[00:49:37] So that'll hit you with the battle axe.
[00:49:39] No, she's got a minus three.
[00:49:41] It's plus four.
[00:49:43] Um, 1d8.
[00:49:46] That is five slashing.
[00:49:53] And then to the cat, two attacks from its battle axe.
[00:49:57] Miss.
[00:49:59] Two single digits.
[00:50:01] So then the claw from one of them.
[00:50:03] The claw.
[00:50:04] That claw.
[00:50:07] We played this game for too many years, Lid.
[00:50:11] 21 on the claw.
[00:50:14] That claw.
[00:50:18] Four slashing.
[00:50:21] Second one.
[00:50:23] Misses.
[00:50:25] Guy, the brown one will now claw the cat as well.
[00:50:29] That's a 15.
[00:50:32] 15.
[00:50:33] Misses.
[00:50:34] And a 17 again.
[00:50:36] Misses.
[00:50:40] So then, uh, it.
[00:50:46] Top of the order I think, right?
[00:50:48] Yep.
[00:50:49] No.
[00:50:50] Troy.
[00:50:50] Troy.
[00:50:51] Troy.
[00:50:54] 11 really was the bottom of the barrel here, I guess.
[00:50:57] Yep.
[00:50:58] I rolled a 12 for both of my characters, so.
[00:51:01] I'm going to attack that guy.
[00:51:03] Axeman.
[00:51:06] Uh, 22.
[00:51:08] Yep.
[00:51:09] He's an axe man.
[00:51:15] Fuck that.
[00:51:16] Uh, eight damage.
[00:51:20] Okay.
[00:51:21] That doesn't look good.
[00:51:21] There's a 15 hit.
[00:51:23] Uh, for 13 damage.
[00:51:30] Drops.
[00:51:34] Um, bonus.
[00:51:38] We don't really need it.
[00:51:39] I don't think we're, you said most of these guys are dead.
[00:51:41] Yeah.
[00:51:42] Skeletons are not too difficult.
[00:51:44] Cody.
[00:51:45] Top of the order.
[00:51:47] Reckless attack.
[00:51:49] Which one?
[00:51:50] Green or the shaman?
[00:51:52] Uh, the shaman in front of me.
[00:51:54] Okay.
[00:51:56] Shouldn't take too much more to kill him.
[00:51:57] That's a 24 to hit.
[00:52:00] Definitely.
[00:52:01] Uh, my big ol' claw goes.
[00:52:06] For...
[00:52:07] 11 points of damage.
[00:52:08] He drops.
[00:52:11] I turn around on the guy behind me.
[00:52:14] Okay.
[00:52:15] Reach out with that other claw.
[00:52:19] Uh, 16 hit him.
[00:52:21] It does.
[00:52:23] Uh, for nine points of damage.
[00:52:27] Still up.
[00:52:32] Do you have an axe?
[00:52:32] Yes.
[00:52:33] Okay.
[00:52:34] He has a couple extra hit points in the other one you dropped then.
[00:52:36] Cause we've done exactly 18 to him which killed the other one.
[00:52:42] So I just, I expected him to drop so I was wondering if you did shitty math.
[00:52:46] So I was trying to figure out why you hadn't, why he didn't drop.
[00:52:49] Oh fuck, I'm sorry.
[00:52:50] You hit, yeah, you're right.
[00:52:51] No, he has dropped.
[00:52:52] I forgot to write that down.
[00:52:53] Teacher, teacher, go fuck yourself.
[00:52:56] Sorry.
[00:52:58] Yeah, cause he took half of that damage right away.
[00:53:00] Yeah, he would've taken nine.
[00:53:02] And then, so that one's also a nine.
[00:53:03] My apologies.
[00:53:05] Um, yeah.
[00:53:06] I just forgot to write that.
[00:53:07] I wrote them all down and I was like, I forgot to write the damage.
[00:53:09] But I did cross out the one that died.
[00:53:10] Good.
[00:53:11] You're not making phantom attacks with characters we've already killed.
[00:53:15] Yeah, no, the pink one's definitely dead.
[00:53:16] I wrote that, I crossed him out first.
[00:53:18] Uh, Flynn.
[00:53:19] I will attack the, uh, the blue feather.
[00:53:24] Yeah.
[00:53:25] He's not taking damage yet.
[00:53:27] Well, that's good cause that's a 20.
[00:53:29] Nat, Nat, Nat 20.
[00:53:32] Oh, that damage.
[00:53:33] Ugh.
[00:53:34] That is 10 damage.
[00:53:37] Stroke.
[00:53:38] Yeah.
[00:53:39] That is a 23 to hit.
[00:53:42] Yep.
[00:53:44] Yeah.
[00:53:44] You need roughly eight more damage.
[00:53:47] Seven.
[00:53:48] I believe he has one hit point.
[00:53:51] Still standing.
[00:53:53] Another one is too?
[00:53:54] Yeah.
[00:53:55] Drop a key point.
[00:53:56] Hit the blue.
[00:53:58] 23.
[00:54:01] Now it's seven.
[00:54:02] Okay.
[00:54:04] Brown.
[00:54:05] Brown should have.
[00:54:06] 24.
[00:54:07] Nine hit points.
[00:54:09] Well, yeah.
[00:54:10] If 18 is.
[00:54:13] Eight.
[00:54:15] Just kidding.
[00:54:16] It's nine.
[00:54:17] Still.
[00:54:22] Alex.
[00:54:23] There's one guy standing.
[00:54:24] And he's in melee.
[00:54:26] Shatter.
[00:54:27] You can shatter.
[00:54:28] I'll give you permission.
[00:54:29] One point of damage.
[00:54:30] Shatter on me.
[00:54:32] Just shoot it.
[00:54:32] If you can shoot it, you're dead.
[00:54:33] He's dead.
[00:54:34] Nah.
[00:54:34] I pass so the paladin can finish up.
[00:54:37] Okay.
[00:54:38] Cool.
[00:54:38] You can do that.
[00:54:40] Yeah.
[00:54:40] I want him to do it cause.
[00:54:44] It'll just be more fun that way.
[00:54:47] I hope you whiff every time.
[00:54:49] That's a nat 20.
[00:54:50] Go fuck your sis.
[00:54:51] Oh yeah.
[00:54:52] I had a feeling something like that would happen.
[00:54:55] Turn around and smash the other statue too.
[00:54:57] Yeah.
[00:54:58] Just for fun.
[00:54:58] Six lightning strokes come out.
[00:55:00] You have leprosy.
[00:55:01] Oh no.
[00:55:02] I'm immune.
[00:55:03] Incurable leprosy.
[00:55:04] You have lightning herpes.
[00:55:07] You've got the magic gout.
[00:55:10] Um.
[00:55:10] Your dingus falls off.
[00:55:12] That's what gout does, right?
[00:55:13] I never had one to forget.
[00:55:14] Two vormish.
[00:55:15] Ah.
[00:55:16] You got one of those cloacas.
[00:55:18] There were two vormish statues.
[00:55:20] There were.
[00:55:22] One of the one that's in pieces, you looked like a hulking specimen of a noble heir.
[00:55:26] While the other is a hairless and misshapen brute whose power and cruelty show even in the cold stone simulacrum.
[00:55:36] God, I can't say that word.
[00:55:38] Wait, simulacrum?
[00:55:39] Yeah.
[00:55:40] He's holding a simulacrum.
[00:55:42] No.
[00:55:43] In this cold stone simulacrum.
[00:55:46] Got it.
[00:55:47] A fancy way of saying statue.
[00:55:48] Five alcoves in the wall behind them hold human sized ceramic urns with lids sculpted and painted and vormish faces.
[00:55:55] There were.
[00:55:56] Jars.
[00:55:56] Jars.
[00:55:57] The size of a person.
[00:56:00] The wall above the urns is honeycombed with niches.
[00:56:03] Each displaying a vormi skull.
[00:56:05] A vormi with graying fur and voluminous crimson robe is now dead before you.
[00:56:10] Nice.
[00:56:11] He appeared to be anointing these with some sort of oil.
[00:56:24] Thank you all for listening.
[00:56:31] The Big Sleep was written by Sandy Peterson and Jonah Baumgartner.
[00:56:40] Music by Ian Chan.
[00:56:48] You can find us online at rancorsbrothel.com
[00:56:50] or join in the conversation on Facebook at Fans of the Rancors Brothel.