Sandy Petersen's Cthulhu Mythos - The Big Sleep 36

[00:00:16] Bancors Brothel presents The Big Sleep Umythos 5e Adventure.

[00:01:25] Holy shit. The rest of you need to roll a Wisdom Saving Throw for Dread. I feel like that is appropriate. DC's a little higher than the previous one, not much, but a little higher. What did we roll against Wisdom? Wisdom Saving Throw. Sorry buddy. 16. You pass. 19. You pass. I'm 23. You all happen to pass. We didn't really care for the cat. That's not true. That's one of my favorite characters I've seen Flynn play in a while. True.

[00:01:53] Like, I just imagine this dude, like, in order for him to, like, a round takes 6 seconds. So in order for him to, like, he had to pick you up, unhinge his jaw, and just like fucking swallow you instantaneously. Lucas is so salty. He's so fucking salty. I don't know why. If I get a 6 on a D6, I'll do it. Hey, what's a... How's your 9 Live shit work? It doesn't. Your body is completely destroyed. It says nothing about that. You are dead. Your body is destroyed.

[00:02:23] He's a dreamland cat. Your mind and consciousness shifts reflexively back into dream form, creating a new dream body if necessary. You must then rest for 1 to 3 days in the dreamlands, after which point you can return to the waking world. You can revive yourself in this manner up to 8 times, giving you 9 lives in all. Okay. I mean, that's... So you're dead, but not dead. He's dead for 3 days. 1? No, he rolls a die. Yeah. 1d3. I'll be back in 3 days. I'm coming, Lucas.

[00:02:53] As of right now, the cat is gone. Now what you need... None of the rest of you realize this is really what happens. Oh no, no. This cat is gone. I will be back, and in greater numbers. Um... He'll rise stronger than he's ever been. Troy, it's your turn. Well... I did not like this. The cat is off the board. I like that cat, kinda! Told my only friend. He was kind of okay. He was helpful sometimes.

[00:03:22] He was great that... What's his name? What's his name? Mr. Wimples! Skippy, Skippy? Swimmy, Swimmy. Jesus Christ, bitch! Tommy Chong. I'll shoot myself in the head and you tell me that cat's fucking name! Tommy Chen. Tommy Wong. Shut your... Shut your... Shut your... Fart ass, Randy. I can't run out of the store to get a pack of smokes without running into nine guys. You fucked!

[00:03:50] No idea what you're talking about. Boondock Saints. Oh man, I have not seen that. Yeah. Ages. When Rocco goes off with his girlfriend after they accidentally kill a cat. Oh yeah. Is that fucking dead? That was good. Yeah. I wonder if that holds up. Oh, it does. Does it? 23. True classics always do. Yeah, it hits. That's a one. That's so stupid. Why do you make the special side the low side?

[00:04:19] I just fake it and say it's a six. Is that Jinkan die? No, it's from the Marvel role playing. That is done. Oh, technically I got this. I think it's from Jinkan, but... I'm trying to remember the rules. I do think rolling low is important. I don't think the system is set that rolling... Like, rolling critical failures in that game does something different. Like, it's the second most interesting... Doesn't really help them here, though. No, I'm just saying that's why it's the Marvel logo is on. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, yeah. For this game. Isn't it 616? Yeah.

[00:04:50] For something about if you roll 3d6, I think something special happens if you happen to roll a 6, a 1, and a 6 in that game. For Marvel 6, for... Yeah. 10 slashing, and 6 thunder, and I need a strength saving throw again. Please. And for... Is it 6 thunder? Yeah. Push hits and giggles, I'm gonna do my divine smiting. Then I need to do... Sorry, what did you say?

[00:05:20] Strength. Strength. Not as good. 17. You're an asshole. Um... 4... Well, that's not a 7, that's a 1. Close! 4, 5, 12... More radiant damage. And there goes my... Level 2 slots. Okay.

[00:05:49] Second attack. 23. Yep. It's not hard to hit. Might I mean? And I'm going to... I still have 1 spell slot. Why not? I can... Let's go for it. Put him down. Like, he killed Flynn, we would put him down. A 14... And I rolled a wrong die.

[00:06:24] Uh... So that's... 8 slashing, and then a 14, uh... Gradient. That's it. That's a lot of damage. I mean... He's... He's trickling blood for sure. Trickling blood. Lucas has the worst descriptions. I do. There's blood on this man!

[00:06:53] I try to keep it as vague as I can, so you guys aren't going, Oh, he's almost dead. He's almost dead. Except that's what you should be doing, because... We would see that. Flynn's dead. Cody. For now. He will be back. I mean, it just throws him into a rage. More of a rage. Reckless attacking. Giving no care to defend himself. Avenging the death of his friend.

[00:07:19] I probably think that if I can cut into his belly fast enough, I can get the cat out. So that's my goal. Cat was literally devoured. That's a nat 20? That's hits. I think I'm going to be okay, boys. It's more hits for me though, because... Something out of that book.

[00:07:45] So that's actually 3d8 for my crit instead of 2d8. Yep. 14 damage on the crit. 2-1-1. I critted. I hit him again.

[00:08:16] And my damage is being cut in half. That's another nat 20. Still going to get cut in half. That's better. I mean, the die is better, but I lose that one modifier, so it's another 14 damage. Must save cat!

[00:08:46] He has bleeding a lot, but he is definitely still up. I assume so, because you did not save it, I killed him. Alex? I reposition. Where to? No, no, no, no. Go around Troy. Further, further, further. There you go. Well, to be fair, Flynn wasn't in that space a minute ago.

[00:09:15] There we go. Over one more. I got 35 movement. I'm good. And I shoot at him. 21. Hits. We will avenge Flynn's death. If I hurry, I can pull that cat out of his belly. He'll still be breathing, little buddy. And here's Mark, gives me an extra five. You're going to be okay, buddy. All magical.

[00:09:44] You're going to be in there, bud. You're going to be fine. Firing again. That does not it. He gets to go. Glad I got that extra attack. 100%. I want to see him now devour the dragonborn. Yeah. Why don't you have a real meal, you punk bitch? I don't revive. First claw on the ghoul. And that means all your magical stuff goes away. Is it that one? Oh, now he's rolling shit.

[00:10:14] Second claw is an 18 to hit. You reckless, didn't you? No, I told you it was avenge. Sorry, that's the first claw then. So 18 to hit on the first claw. That is... The only one was damage reduction, bub. I got more friends than you do. 15. Okay. And then second claw...

[00:10:46] Is a... 16 to hit. 16 will hit. 13 damage. And then the bite. Which are both single digits. Get fucked. You're gonna be okay, little bunny. Uh, try. Papa's coming. Go on, try to hit him. Do I hear a meow meow? Okay, shut up. I heard a meow. I heard a meow in there.

[00:11:16] He's still alive. That's a one. Bummer. That'll do it though. 23. Yep. E damage. This is where... Okay. You kinda blew your wad here and uh... Now uh... Our damage is gonna be... Less than a spell. Spectacody though. Yep. I bet I can beat you down before you beat me down. Or we can.

[00:11:44] Uh, I don't think an 11's gonna do it. Nope. I assume reckless is the... Continuation. Oh yeah. Uh, does a 19 do it? Yes. I just gotta hit on the fuckin' second where I don't get the... Extra damage. Uh, be three points of damage! Okay. I have it. More? You already used your action surge didn't you? Yeah. I used my action surge early cause I figured he would probably...

[00:12:14] He's gonna hit more than I am. Shoot again. 15. Does hit. 10. Plus... 1. So that's 11 for the first one. Mm. 21. Does hit. Do your attacks count as magic? Yes. They are all magic. Nice.

[00:12:43] I'm gonna get you some magic mittens. Uh, 11. And... Oh wait. Is that 11 to hit? No, that's 11 damage. The hit was 21. Sorry, yeah. I forgot that... I almost did the hunter's mark twice but I'm like no wait, that's one time. Yep. One time. So that's it for me. Okay. He is not... He's like on the verge of death at this point but it is his turn. I thought you were gonna tell us. Cool. Um... He will look at the fish man.

[00:13:14] Hasn't hit the fish man yet. I guess. Why not? 19 on the die. So that's definitely a hit on the first claw. Fish can't be attacked by prime numbers. That is max damage. What'd you hit? Uh... 19 plus 8. Um... Sorry, so that's 12... 17...

[00:13:44] Uh, slashing. Yeah. It's another... 23. Yep. Uh... 12 slashing on the second. And for the bite... It's also a hit. 24. Which is... 2d... 12 on the bite. God damn. No wonder he ate you in... He's making shit up.

[00:14:13] No wonder he ate you in one fucking bite. God damn. 10. Piercing on the bite. I feel like there's a horror movie or something I've seen where like... Like... Mouth of Sauron type shit. You know what I mean? Yeah. He's got a plus 8 to hit and a plus 5 to all his damage. Damn. Yeah. That's not that unusual but it's the 2d12. It's either 2d6 or 2d12 on the bite. The 2d12 on the bite is insane. It's absurd. It's a big fucker. See his teeth in that picture? They weren't that big. No. Like this dude... It's your turn.

[00:14:44] He is on the verge of death. Who's turn? Troy. Head him back. Bit of revenge if you will. 25? Yep. 23. Why I can't math right now. 7, 8 damage. He's right. Game of numbers. He's almost fucking dead.

[00:15:15] If you had one more hit point. 28. He is dead. He's real dead. Chopped his fucking head off. He drops. You cut his head off? Is that your kill? Describe your kill. Yeah. Cut his head off. He's in two pieces. I went for the head chop the first time and just... Almost got it. Just got it. He was nearly headless creature. Then he like laughed in my face and I didn't know. Isn't that evil dead where they chop and the head like flops over but it's still like attached to the neck. It flops like a hinge. Probably. Nearly headless.

[00:15:46] He did. Um, he did. I begin to tear... I do. I start tearing open his stomach looking for this cat. You find no cat? Don't forget to grab the bag of holding out of there. Yeah, the bag of holding? Oh, it's gone. No. It's not. That's... Did we put all our gold in there? You wore it. Yeah, I was on you. He ate it with you. So it's in his stomach. Either we had the bag of holding... You will find the bag. I'll give you that. Or the fight was muted. It's in tatters but you find it. That would take a hell of a powerful being to...

[00:16:14] And I feel like destroying the body you're still gonna find like hair and clumps of cat so that my good friend gets closure. You don't get a whole cat, that's for sure. Grab out the... It's just my asshole. You get a paw. Wear like a rabbit's paw. Uh, Cyrus will proceed, uh, to do, uh, a couple of things. Um, he's going to ugly girl cry. For a long time.

[00:16:39] And he is going to just slowly, but surely, as long as it takes, eat this fucking thing. I don't think that's a good idea. I don't care what you think. I begin to eat him. Okay. Uh... Slowly, but surely. What's on his person? Get it fast. Because I'm turning him into Bat Pate. Do you have anything on him? Good question.

[00:17:07] He's got the keys to the, um... The chains. That's really hit. He isn't... Other than that, he's not carrying anything. It would've been really funny how he digested the bag of holding though, and we lost all that money. It would've been fucking hilarious. That's the thing though, if he did digest it, the entire fight would've been muted, because the stuff in it doesn't get destroyed. Only the bag. That's a lot of gold bars. Everything... Falling down his ass.

[00:17:37] Everything would expand out directly around what the bag... What's the way in the bag of holding? Would've been. Catch it, catch it. That's how broken bags of holding work, apparently. I looked it up. Well, it's usually when you... So yeah. The pocket dimension gets ripped, and guess what? Everything is still there. It just expands. Contents. Well, it's contents scatter into the astral plane, because you open up a hole to the astral plane. Hmm.

[00:18:06] Yeah, the contents would be lost in the astral plane. The bag should be gone. Goddamn, no. To be fair, I would think that if he was inside when a portal to the astral plane was opened, I feel that that would be bad for his insides. Because that's how we won sort of Nephtheleon. Kinda, yeah. Such a great play by Craig. What would you like to do? I'm mourning my friend. Leave me be. There are, uh, what did that say? Five prisoners staked to the ground.

[00:18:35] What do they look like? Prisoners? Um... Four humans and a halfling. Free the humans, kill the halfling. Two females... Damn! Two female humans, one male human... Sorry, two male humans, and one male halfling. Wait. Are they... How are they garbed? Um... Commoners. Okay. Please, please. Free us, free us. Where are you from?

[00:19:05] Uh... We're from a nearby hamlet called Gjol. About 15 miles south of here. Excuse... Uh, bless you. Uh, what'd you say? Gjol. Bless you. That's not where we're ultimately trying to go though. Where is it you wish to go? I don't remember. The cat kept the notes. The place and the thing. It's true. Fuck you guys, you don't get the moleskin. You let me die. You didn't let... Do nothing. Fucking... You have better AC.

[00:19:35] It's 19! In fairness, you guys don't really have a direction. You escaped a burning city, and now you're here. No, but we were aware of the other kingdoms and such. No, you're aware of the kingdom. Yeah, you're in the kingdom of Ytiv. Right. Hmm. Hmm. Um...

[00:19:59] Yes, well, definitely for you if you would mind letting us join you. Yes, no, come to our village. You'll be seen as heroes there. You'll feast with us, you know. Rest if you must. I like the idea that as you're talking, this ghoul is just crying and shoving like bits of fat in bones. The cat was the greatest person ever. I can't believe he's done.

[00:20:29] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Please come back with us. Yeah. You just said you would. Um... So yeah, it's a 15 mile hike to the hamlet of uh... Of Yol. Um... That's way too far. Where's Yol? Um... Which in this fucking crazy world is like a day's journey.

[00:20:59] 50... I think you can do 20 some miles in a day. But yeah, it's not... It's... Yeah, it's lengthiest fuck. It's a marathon. People do it in five... In three hours. On... On pavement. Which most fantasy worlds don't have. Okay. We're in a forest. It's flat ground. As forests mostly are. On flat. I'm just saying. Hitchhike. Um, it appears to be some sort of uh... Herding community. You do see um...

[00:21:27] Large multifamily homes clustered around the square. Smaller houses. Halfling sized huts scattered on the outskirts. An uneven ditch and a crude spiked fence surrounding the village. You also see um... What appear to be disheveled individuals um... Sort of camped outside of the uh... Of the little village. Kind of um... You know... Not even in tents really. They're just lying on the ground next to campfires.

[00:21:57] I'll ask the folks that we've just rescued. What... What's going on with these folks? Refugees from X-Fain apparently. Hmm. Do you know anything of it? Ha. A little bit. Ha. Ha. Ha. Um... Ha. The severed head, Lucas, I have hollowed out and I'm now sort of wearing it as a jolly uh... Chapeau. Mm-hmm. Um... I thought I was gonna do something entirely different with that head. I... I...

[00:22:27] Chapeau or codpiece were both the things that were about to come out and I didn't decide where I wanted to go. You're speaking to the female. Uh... She will explain to you during your guys' travels she will have told you she's the captain of Gjell's militia. Her name is Annette. Um... Of who? What militia? The Gjell. Oh. The Hamlet. Yeah. The uh... The other female is Barbola. She's a Tanner. She appears to be in shock. Um...

[00:22:53] Annette explains to you that she witnessed her husband being devoured by the creature. Um... Who she names as uh... Mirtaxog. Um... The uh... Human male... One of the human males is a cowherd. His name... His name is Carillon. Um... He... Seems to have kind of a dark sense of humor. And super sarcastic on the way... Throughout your travel.

[00:23:24] Uh... Uh... Mihaly is the other male. Um... He's a... He's the village priest. Or a village priest. Uh... He seems to be as optimistic as he can possibly be in encouraging. Putting in faith in the will of Galdoon. And uh... Trying to innate as much kindness as he can amongst you. The halfling male... Um... Um... Um... Very shy though... He doesn't seem to have too much trouble speaking to you who are his heroes.

[00:23:54] His name is Nandor. So Annette, Barbola, Carillon, Mahali, and Nandor. Nandor! You are uh... Peoples. That is such a good fucking show. It's very good. That might be like... Top five, maybe top three for me. In terms of comedies. What was the B lady's name? Barbola. B-O... Sorry, Borbala.

[00:24:23] B-O-R-B-A-L-A. Borbala. So yeah, and they explained to you the individuals outside are refugees from Xfain. Um... You seem to be quite coy on what happened there. That's fine. Um... I mean, they will try to get as information out of you as they can. They're very curious about it. How quite possibly dark are they responsible for that? Um... I would think though, Lucas... To look... So we've come out the mountains on which side?

[00:24:56] The south. The south. Yeah. But there was a horde coming over the mountains when we looked last, right? Yeah, so... Hradova's... From Hradova's to the Aglophen Mountain... Sorry, to Vermittenhorn. You went... Southeast. And now you've come out... South, Southwest... From the Vermittenhorn. Yeah, but weren't they like running right through here? They were coming from Hradova's... Toward the Vermittenhorn. So... Yeah, I know... I know what you're saying.

[00:25:25] You're headed from here to here. You came out here. Okay. Well, because I remember at one point we like stood out on a... You stood on a... Platform and saw the Horde... A westerly platform that you could see... Right. ...Radova's... You could see the smoke from Radova's, but in that plinth that you looked through, the monolith, what do you want to call it? So, yeah, you saw through a magical monolith things coming at you from the city. Right.

[00:25:50] What I'm saying is, should we realistically be warning these people that they should probably flee for their lives because there is a thing coming or have we changed direction? It's entirely up to you. You are in a completely different direction. Okay. Well, I'm just curious... Like I said, if I had walked it in real life, I would know whether or not I would be concerned. Right. Yeah. I mean, you are in a completely different direction from where those things were headed. Okay. Anyway, and where... It's also been a couple of days since... Did we come out here or behind the mountain? I can't see that from here. There's a glare.

[00:26:22] Like by... Yeah. Like where the river's coming out? Did we come out that direction? So you're basically in that corner of the mountain where it sort of meets right here. Oh, okay. Yeah. So the Aglofans kind of would have been on your left and right as they spread from that little, like I said, pie piece, if you will, between them. Neat. And it is a 15 mile hike.

[00:26:52] It is a good trudge. You guys can take a rest and level up. Except Flynn though. Pum bitch died. Flynn dead. True. It was excellent role playing. Morf. I like the thought of me ugly girl crying on the couch with the giant bowl of tub of ice cream with the... I got my cloak over my head. But the ice cream is just that thing's body parts. Stick it out of a bowl. Just... Just intestine.

[00:27:22] Slurping it like a fucking bowl of Pad Thai. Yeah, Cyrus goes to level six. Picked up a fourth level of Barbarian, which is advancement. So I put my strength at 20. So now my saves are plus two better technically because I didn't realize that I should have upgraded my proficiency last level. So... Right.

[00:27:54] Is anybody else done with theirs? Yeah. I just gained aura of protection. Whenever you or a friendly creature within 10 feet of you must make a saving throw, the creature gains a bonus to a saving throw equal to your charisma modifier, which is five. Okay. Alex, you're good. Yep. That sixth level I gained tool expertise.

[00:28:19] So anytime I use a tool to do a skill check, I get double proficiency on it. I got another infusion and that was it. I'm going to sit on the infusion right now because I don't know what to do with it. Dank herbs, man. Dank herbs. Dank herbs. Yeah. I give our ghoul a magic weapon, but he doesn't use weapons. Not that the cat's alive, but would you like to say what you got?

[00:28:49] I didn't do anything. Oh, okay. Can you give magical gauntlets? I can. I'll just have to check what kind I got. Brass knucks. I mean, yes. Something like that to make his hits magical. You do low below and see if I can do that with what the tricks that I'm doing or not. Yeah. Because the big thing will be next level I get extra attack. So then I can do like, I can be punching four or five times. I can be punching a lot. Yeah.

[00:29:18] If you had a, say gauntlets as a weapon, I can fuse those with something fun. I don't know if it counts or not. I'll have to look at it. Yeah. So, but at the moment I can't make it. The fighting style is literally called unarmed fighting. So. Right. You do get your full rest. You do level up. The ghoul wakes up horribly sick. Uh oh.

[00:29:48] Violently sick. Projectile vomiting everything he had eaten the previous night, which would be the creature you have defeated. Some of it I probably shit out already. Um, and as this pile of grossness, uh, piles up next to you in front of him, it begins to, um, shimmy like jello and grow. Set it on fire.

[00:30:19] Uh oh. And the head, which sits next to him, begins to shimmy and grow as two very large globule multi-mouth things form before you. Thank you all for listening.

[00:30:45] The Big Sleep was written by Sandy Peterson and Jonah Baumgars. Music by Ian Chan. You can find us online at rancorsbrothel.com or join in the conversation on Facebook at Fans of the Rancors Brothel.