Sandy Petersen's Cthulhu Mythos - The Big Sleep 37

[00:00:16] Bancors Brothel presents The Big Sleep Umythos 5e Adventure.

[00:01:25] So, something I probably didn't mention but thought might have been understandable, maybe it wasn't. You guys are outside. You're not outside the gates because that's where the refugees were at. You're in the town, but they don't really have accommodations for you, so you are camping outside, just so that is clear. Clear as mud. Oh, I'm glad he clarified it now at least. Just about the density of the shit you've just puked up.

[00:01:57] So to reiterate, the head seemingly melted into a puddle of what looked like tar, which is similar to the shit that the ghoul has now vomited. And they begin to rise. And, um... They begin to form eyes and mouths and grow larger and larger. And you can roll initiative. Nope.

[00:02:27] Continuity of mass is not a thing here apparently. I have no way to call it. Because they are flukes. Lucas can't spell continuity. So, remember how our ghoul decided... Because they are conformers. Okay. So, remember how our ghoul decided to eat the last boss we bought defeated? No. Yeah. He said he ate some of... Whoops. Hey, no, no, no. Remember, ugly girl cried. That's a 16 from here. Nice. You ugly girl cried about the cat and continued to eat him. Flynn died. I remember that. Right.

[00:02:56] So, Flynn died and his... Those are real big, Lucas. They're large. Hmm. They're large, but they came out of somebody's stomach. Again, continuity of mass. Yeah. Like I said, they got larger and larger and larger. From what? Are they eating the... From what they once were. The head is no longer a head. It is now this thing. The pile of puke is no longer this thing. There's a good chance that piles of shit along the trail down the way from all days yesterday's travel may have also turned into these things.

[00:03:26] They're shoggoths. Spoiler alert. They are not. They're shoggoths. I'm just gonna have to... Would you like to roll a nature check before you fight? With a girl gothin? No, no, no. We're fighting Bokrug and these are shoggoths. They're not. You're welcome to roll a nature check. I'm sorry. Why would I need to? They're shoggoths. Creation of something from nothing seems bizarre to me. Barbarian is idiotic. I forgot. Shoggoths. By the way, Barb 4, fighter 2, dickhead. Get it right. Alright.

[00:03:56] He's the superior warrior. The gentleman's warrior. I can, uh... We need to get you a top hat. Maybe a... Just covered in fuckin' blood. And a monocle. Actually, I think you might get higher accuracy with a monocle. I think there's an enchanted one somewhere. Nice. I'll need to look. Heck, I might even be able to make one at some point. We'll see.

[00:04:24] I love how you've become the bargain bin magic item guy. Like, everybody has to have a shtick. And bargain bin magic item guy is definitely useful. You guys haven't seemed to dislike the stuff I've made so far. I mean... Like... I'm okay with it. I am the superior magical Etsy over here. There's a picture of the thing in our chat.

[00:04:54] Which are actually these minis. Shoggoths. No. For the audience at home, Lucas has put two Shoggoths on the board. He didn't. You put two of some other creature on the board. And, uh... Sent us a picture of a Shoggoth over his dick. It's actually my jacket, but thank you. These two large, amorphous, multi-mouth, multi-eyed things.

[00:05:25] So... Shoggoths. Here. Let me get you my model of a Shoggoth. Comparing a trast for our viewers at home. I am seeming a similarity here. They are similar, but it is not what they are labeled in the book. Because it is a different creature. Is that like the difference between a jellyfish and a man-o-war? Possibly. Shoggoth might be a larger version of these, actually. I'm not sure.

[00:05:53] Large is pretty large. They are large. Hence the reason why they're called large. Eight. Dickhead. Nineteen. If that helps. God, I suck at rolling. I always have. I always will. But your damage output is... Wondrous. Always helpful.

[00:06:22] I said it with Kellen, and I just need to do it. I just need to continue to make characters that don't roll. Just make characters that just don't roll. I am solely going to pick spellcasters who all of their things are safes. No, no, no. You roll, asshole. Uh, Alex. Top of the order. Wow. You said 19, right? 19 is a good roll. 19, 18, 8. They're large. They're not going to have a great dex. Oh.

[00:06:52] They're an amorphous mass. It's not horrible though. I kind of don't want to shoot them. I said they're an amorphous mass. I kind of don't want to shoot them. Stick a grenade inside them. I haven't been able to make any new ones. I only have the... He doesn't remember. He hasn't edited the last audio. Just say you have six of them. I remember. Oh, wait. I still have the one left. Let me double check the damage on that real quick. That was... Shove it in the nearest mouth hole.

[00:07:23] How close are these things to us? Uh, as they are on the board. See? Soft. Soft. So, are we a visual or an audio podcast? Yes. Hidden camera in here somewhere. Hmm. It's only in the bottom of the chairs though. It's under the table. It's weird like... I... Sorry if I put anybody's eyes out.

[00:07:52] One of them is within five feet of Cody. The other is within five feet of... I'm going to assume you. I think you were always at the golden die. Why the fuck is it within five feet of me, Lucas? I mean, how was it not? That's called ten feet. That is five feet within the ghoul. Ten feet of... One square? One square is five feet. I guess you were. Yeah. We'll make up your mind. There. Fine. Ten feet, five feet. It doesn't fucking matter. They're right there. Do something.

[00:08:22] In a game about numbers and angles and distance, it doesn't matter. It's right on you. How close? Right on you. Twelve feet away. Across the street, getting a coffee. That always reminds me of the scene from Accepted where he's backing up the camper. You got about ten feet. Fucking idiot. Just hit it. We won't know what properties it has until you hit it. So do something and see what happens.

[00:08:51] I toss a grenade at the... I toss a grenade next to the one in front of me. What's the radius on a grenade's explosion? Uh... We just did this, but I don't remember. It was 15 feet off the tummy. That is a lot. You're going to have to make sure you don't throw it too close to Troy, I guess. Oh, that's what I was saying. I'm... You're also in the middle of a village of people, so...

[00:09:19] If they didn't evacuate after seeing this nonsense, it's on them. It's early morning. Acceptable losses. People are beginning to run outside trying to figure out what all the chaos is. I'm throwing it to the opposite side of Troy. There's one in front of me. I'm the gold dice. I'm throwing it to the other side of the... Don't roll a one. You're fine. Just don't roll a one. Just don't. If you roll a one, it goes between him and Troy and you. That's 20. Good job. So double damage.

[00:09:44] Right in this fucking pie hole, one of those totally not Shoggoth mouths opens up and you just throw it on the inside. Now, I'm not privy exactly sure about this, but given that it's a thrown weapon, would it still get double damage? Double damage. Yeah, it's still a nat 20. Nat 20. Nat 20. Double damage. I'm gonna need more dice. There's like 48 d6 in a container behind you.

[00:10:12] Because I'm gonna need 10 d6. Fire damage. I think there are 10 in that container. 10 or 12. 11. 11, oddly. No, there's one in front of you. Didn't count. 12, 4, 6, 8, 10. Oh. Thank you. You're welcome. It's a cube. I'm pretty sure it's an even number. It was semi-translucent.

[00:10:42] It was semi-translucent. I'll start with these, and then I'll just tally them all up after I roll them. Not the highest. Well, he only rolled some of the dice. Four of them. Ooh, there's a couple ones in there. Give me a sec.

[00:11:15] I'm just got that album stuck in my head now. Thank you, Lucas. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. You said something earlier, and it reminded me of that song. I don't know if you were actually talking about that band or not. Oh. 34 fire damage. Nice. Eat shit, Shoggoth. Is it charred at least? Oh, you've done damage for sure. I'm going to hold onto these. This will be useful when I start making more of those.

[00:11:46] Yeah, you brought up CKY earlier, didn't you? Yes. Yeah. Who, I guess, just got kicked off of some festival because the lead singer punched the lead singer alien in front of the face. I don't have any bonus actions right now. Which will be Clutch is the band, actually. So that'll be my turn. I think Troy was next. Yes, Troy. Does it appear to have done a whole lot to this creature that we don't get to know what its name is? Yeah.

[00:12:16] Yeah, definitely the damage. Bonus action. I'm going to do Searing Smite. What's the range on? Nat 20 hit. What's the range on Searing Smite? Oh, yeah. Move me five feet up. Badantic asshole. Just making sure. Huh. I was like, holy shit, you're smiting? You're smiting from ten feet away? Neat. Would one of you gentlemen toss me a pencil?

[00:12:46] I'm going to find one that has a lid in it. Thank you. You should just scream for no reason and say my arm. Well, then they would know it now. It's the same one that's already been hit with a grenade, right? Yeah. Nice. That looks pretty good from here. That's a funky looking D6. I like it. It's from the Marvel game. Oh, is it? Yeah.

[00:13:17] 14, 19 is 33 plus... It's a number. 38. Do you need to know? Yeah, what kind of damage is that? No. It's Searing. 10. 10. 14 of it's fire.

[00:13:47] Whatever I said left. 20. 20. Yeah. 20 flashing. Because you said it was 34 or 38 damage? 34, yeah. Okay. It is still standing, but you guys have definitely done a lot of damage to that one. Okay. I'll give you another hit. Okay. Well, let's do Searing Smite again. There's no save on Searing Smite, right? No.

[00:14:17] You will have a save at the start of your turn. Okay. That probably hits two. It depends on what it is. It's a 16 on the die. So, 24. Yes, it does hit.

[00:14:41] So, that's 10 slashing and four fur damage. So, if I hit it twice. Yeah. With Searing Smite. And if he fails the save, and it's a D6 for fire damage. Is that two D6 fire damage?

[00:15:11] Because it's two different Searing Smites that he got hit with? I don't think it stacks. Yeah. It should be. Mm-hmm. Stacks on stacks! No, I think it's... Cody Tony. Is that concentration? Yeah. You technically broke concentration by doing it a second time. I suppose that's fair. Yeah. Mm-hmm. You hit, and you have to maintain concentration through to get that damage on him. And then you chose to end that concentration to cast essentially another concentration spell. Oh, wait. Take four of that fire damage away.

[00:15:40] I wouldn't have been able to cast it again. I was kind of surprised that you did. Yeah. Is it just like a single bonus action? Is that why? Yeah. Okay. So, yeah. Take four. Take four. I was like, I'm pretty sure you're cheating. Since I was using a thrown weapon, could I have also used my rifle afterwards? I didn't think I could. No. But I wanted to verify with you guys just in case it becomes a problem. There's this sort of make-believe drop and grab thing. No, he could absolutely throw and maintain your holding your weapon.

[00:16:09] The issue is that that throw is an attack. You get an attack action, a move action, a bonus action. I get two attacks at my level. That's why I was asking because I thought it would be this. I think the double attack is only range. If it's the same type of attack? Yeah. It's the same type of attack. That's what I was thinking. You swipe twice or you shoot twice. That's what I was thinking. You swipe twice or you shoot and then shoot. No. Because you have to drop and swap.

[00:16:35] I guess the question at that point would be, because you could attack with two different weapons. At this point, we're going to call it what is going to go on, but I feel like you wouldn't be able to do two different weapons that way. I don't know why not, because you wouldn't need neither one of the ... It's a two handed weapon, but the grenade is not a two handed weapon. The gunman would say you'd have to pull a pin and then throw it. And riflemen use grenades all the time. I suppose that's fair.

[00:17:03] And as anybody can tell from an FPS, people use grenades with a weapon. Which I can hold something in my hand and pull a pin. I'm just saying, most normal people are going to pull a pin with one hand and then throw it. I wanted to ask because it is DM's choice at the end, but that's why I raised the argument because I will be making more of these later. No, that's a fair point. In case we come into this ... If you want to do some research on it, maybe through Google, but right now I don't have the time because I'm trying to do this. I would ... Right now I'm going to say no because ...

[00:17:32] I'm just going to check the player's handbook later. That's fine. It's right there. I don't see why not because I don't think you could ... Because if ... Would I be able to throw my trident, it returns to me, and then attack with it melee? Yes. Yeah. So just because it's the same object I'm attacking with, it shouldn't matter. Rage. Against the dying of the ...

[00:18:02] How does it look, Lucas? It's orange. The one next to you? No, the one that they've been hitting this whole time. It's pretty bad. Okay. They've done a lot of damage to it. Rage. I'm going to move 15 to stand right beside it. I see a long stick. Yeah.

[00:18:31] You'll take an attack of opportunity because he has reach. I was kind of hoping Lucas wasn't paying attention. He's doing a move. Yeah. Fuck him. Where are you on? Like here? No. There's five feet in front of me as well. I'm sorry, what? I said there is space in front of me as well. Yeah, no. I'm not standing right in front of you. Probably not going to hit you though. Um. Probably will.

[00:19:01] I bet it doesn't. It's a 17. It hits me? Oh. I'm easy to hit. I'm hard to kill. Oh shit. All right. Well. It's an op attack so you're not going to get any of your grapples. No. But it's still good to do the damage. Yeah. We'll see. If it's psychic I don't give a shit. Unless it's psychic I don't give a shit.

[00:19:29] I don't give a shit if it is psychic but I know it's not. So grab all the dice you want. 4d12. Sure is. Oh, I was thinking of my... What? No. Carry on. 18. Do I need to do the math for you Lucas? Yeah, I'm like I can't... My eye is like... 18 and 13.

[00:19:59] 31. 16. I really need to get my glasses. I'm like squinting trying to read this far one. It's really bad. Is it a 1 or a 7? It's a 7. It looks like a 7 from here. 31 damage to me which is 16 because I cut it in half. Um. Plus 3. Oh, for the hit. So 34. 34 so 17. Glad I already did all the math. All right. Are you done being a punk ass now?

[00:20:32] Yeah. Okay. So I don't get... You don't... Because of this attack you don't have to roll a saving throw? Is it an ability? It's part of the attack. It's part of the specific... Specific weapon attack. I would have to look at the stat block but maybe. It's a strength saving throw or a go prone. That's one of those. Uh... Yeah. You probably do get that. So we'll go ahead and roll a strength saving throw which I'm sure you'll pass. I probably actually get advantage and about 10,000 other things on it. You probably do.

[00:21:04] Uh... 16 to the stat saving throw. You do succeed so you're fine. So you've moved. You took your damage and you've moved. Uh... Reckless attack. Sure. Uh... That would also be a nat 20. Nice. Good way to start. Yep. Three nat 20s. Somebody... Maybe all of us are dying this evening. Um... I need to... I mean you'll likely at least knock this one down first. Before you take more damage.

[00:21:37] I need to see and it's in that book so I can't look it up. Which book? Maybe I will buy one of those books. Send me that link again. Just so I have it. I'll do it. Remind me. Savage attacks. When you score a critical hit with a melee weapon attack you roll one additional time. So I roll three times for damage. Okay. It's a good chance you'll probably kill it with this hit in fairness. I just wanted to make sure I wrote down how much my hit points were and now I backed out of the... I did save the PDF. Okay.

[00:22:08] Um... I grabbed the wrong dice. Modifier stack? Sorry? I can never remember if modifier... No, it's only one modifier at the end. All the dice, one modifier.

[00:22:39] Three... 3d8, I rolled a nine. Damn. 15 total damage. Nevermind, he's still up. Bonus attack. Kinda want you to kill me so I can remake a wizard and really fuck your game up. Stop hitting me, I'll kill ya. Dive into its mouth for like air. The bonus attack does not hit. Um... Action surge.

[00:23:08] Fair. That is a... Like 24 to hit, I think? Yep. That'll do. That's another 12 damage? That'll knock him down. Cool. It becomes a puddle of goo. Looks like hot tar. Please don't eat it this time.

[00:23:38] Okay, I was there... Started here. Yeah. So that's five... 10, 15. If you got 30 movement, you can get right back where you were, but... Yeah, but I'm in his range, but I'm also not... Yeah, I would do that. Put me back where I was. Because I would absolutely take that damage. Okay.

[00:24:07] Never had something fight back this hard out of my gut. I shouldn't have had that white castle. Fucking white castle. So according to this, it looks like that falls under the same rules as making ranged attacks. So... Yeah, but it's still... A second weapon. One weapon versus two. Right. That's what I'm finding the hard...

[00:24:36] Like if you had two pistols... Sure. But you're going from one, what I consider a two-handed weapon, to another two-handed weapon, and I think that's a little too much movement to get two shots off. Well, it's your say at the end of it, so I'm gonna say we just keep it for now and if it becomes... Right. If your rifle wasn't two-handed, and you had a pistol, I think it might work. It's just the fact that you're going from one two-handed to two-handed, to a second two-handed, I think it's just... So I'm guessing we're back to the top? No, it's my turn.

[00:25:06] I was waiting for him to get back down here so I could attack him. I didn't know what he needed to do, so... No. No one attacked me. Well, you reckless attacks, so now I get advantage. And we're gonna do the same thing. So, creature reaches out and basically just punches the fuck out of you. Actually stabs the fuck out of you. But I get advantage this time.

[00:25:36] Too bad you suck! Yep, two threes, you're correct. Whiffed. Um, but I do get to move. I get 40 feet of movement. It's a speedy puddle of goo. Yep. Shaga smooth pretty quickly. Hmm. Must be very well coordinated with all those tentacles. Didn't... How close were you to it?

[00:26:06] He moved in just such a way that I don't get an op attack. I'm 10 feet, I was 10 feet away from him so he couldn't hit me. I did not know where he was exactly, that's why I clarified. He wanted to move right back where he was, which was 10 feet reach for me. Um... Does this thing have reach? So now we are back at the top of the order, Alex. Hmm. There is now someone in your way. Uh...

[00:26:33] Well, I have 35 feet of movement, so I will just scoot over a little bit. Which direction? Towards me or towards you? Uh... Hmm... Towards you but maintaining, uh... About... Four squares of distance. Like... So at an angle. Back this way or at an angle on two, three, four? Not that far. So about two at an angle.

[00:27:04] Right there. Now there is not anybody in front of me. Hey, you are correct. Oh shit, Tyson's on the ground! Um... Bonus action, I place my hunter's mark first. Okay. And now I open fire. Uh... 26 to hit. For the first one.

[00:27:33] I'm guessing that hits. It does. Excellent. I'll just roll the second one and then do my damage afterwards. That is a three. Yeah, so... Probably gonna miss, bud. Ten I don't think will hit the large creature. Nope. Some large creatures maybe, but he's got a decent AC. Hmm. That's surprising given his shape. Yeah, he's pretty oozy looking. Mm-hmm.

[00:28:04] I was just double checking that what I was about to do was what it does. Uh... Seven plus... Three, so... Ten magical damage. Okay. Ten damage. Did you shoot him in the face? One of the faces, I'm sure. I shot something near its face. Which face?

[00:28:33] It has a face? It's face's face. It's just eyes and teeth as far as I know. Eyes, teeth, tentacles, other... It's pretty amorphous. How many testicles? Uh... Thirteen. Whoa. Yeah. Baker's dozen. That would at least make a Baker's dozen for me there. Hmm...

[00:29:02] I think this is on the wrong continent. Needs to go somewhere else. Oh, wait a minute. No, we'll do Sairnxmite again. Why not? Uh... 23. 23. Do you need to move five feet towards me? Oh, no, never mind. You're within the... I forgot he's in that square. You're fine. So what did you say? 23. You're good. That's not as great. Nah, it's okay. Uh...

[00:29:31] Eleven slashing, seven fire. It's 18 total, Lucas. It's a total of 28 damage to it, I believe. Again, I'm glad I saved that grenade you guys kept harassing me about. It helped. Uh... Does a 16 hit? Maybe. Um...

[00:29:58] This thing reaches out with a bunch of tentacles and knocks your weapon away. And you miss. Okay, a simple notice of eist. Just your ear away. That's what it does and that's why you miss. You can instantly recall it. Your turn, sir. Well, that's if it's thrown. It's not thrown. It has... Recall. It's just part of its future. Total recall? It's not thrown. Give me a second. Reckless attack! I will tell you how you're wrong.

[00:30:28] Just give me a moment. What do you want to be? Uh, I'll just step up right beside Troy. It's fine. All of it have been this. Get in my belly! That's, uh, like... 26 to hit? Yep. You do have to go pick it up. It has to be a ranged attack. Yep.

[00:30:57] Uh, 14 damage. Uh, bonus action. Attack him again. 1T to hit? Correct. Nice. You already used your... charge thing to have to hit. Uh, for another 5 points of damage. Okay.

[00:31:28] Not hitting this one as hard as the first time. 19 damage total. Well, no, because the grenade did 10d6 damage. Right. We all did nat 20 the first guy. It's almost as if rolling less dice totals less. Not always, but odds are. Cluster grenades going forward. Idiot. Oh wait, no, you reckless, so I get... Oh, you didn't say who you attacked. Oh, uh, hold on.

[00:31:57] I mean, you probably have plenty of health that doesn't really matter. I need concentration, uh... Concentration save, please. Concentration save? You don't mean that? Constitution save? Yes, that's what I said. Nat 20. You failed. Um... Is that a 17 hit? Oh, yeah.

[00:32:28] Cool. Um... Did you not do that extra fire damage? Did you actually roll a nat 20? No, I rolled a nat 20. First, you'll take some damage. It ain't much. No, it won't. It ain't much. It's only 2d12 this time. Uh, 14 piercing. And... 2d6... Acid on top of that. For 6 acid damage. And I need you to roll...

[00:32:58] Oh, no. It's an instagrapple. Sorry. You're in one of its mouths that bit you. Um... Wouldn't be the first time, I think, in this game... So you'll get an escape, Jack. Why would I want to escape? Yeah. I'm right where I want to be. Um, but now that you're in its mouth, it's gonna move... It's gonna drag you with it.

[00:33:27] It moves itself onto the puddle of the other creature. Oh, that's not good. And all of the holes you put in it seem to close up. And it looks better than it did when it first arrived. You know, Shoggoths have this absorbing ability. Um... I picked up on that. So do this other creature that is not called a Shoggoth. A Gogshoth. Hmm. I'm actually pretty sure Shoggoths are on another page. Probably near.

[00:33:58] Anyway, uh, Alex, it's right next to you now. Uh, disengage and get away from it. How far do you want to go? Uh... Just say north, because that's where the map's at. I was gonna say off the map, but, um... Easier if you're on a square. Let's go six squares away from it. Somewhere over there look good? Looks peachy.

[00:34:29] That is your action, sir. I think you can still do a bonus though, right? No, is the bonus? Yeah, it's your full action to disengage. You can have a bonus action still. Your 100's mark doesn't move, so... It's fine exactly where it is. Troy, your friend's in its mouth. It looks really good now. Looks really healthy. You know what the worst part is? Hmm. Flynn's not here. Hmm. Because we've kind of forced his hand to do something that probably isn't in the book. Hmm. And so we're seeing abilities that like... It's absolutely... Of things we can... We're going to fight later. 100% in the book.

[00:34:59] And none of us are... You're... You don't... Never mind. He doesn't even understand what I'm saying. I get where you're coming from. But Flynn's not here to take the notes. Hmm. Alouette, jouty alouette. Alouette. Kick him in the nuts. Why not? We're going to Thunder Smite this time. Yeah! Smite thee, oh holy smiter! Uh, 23 to hit. Yep. That's a good... That's a good...

[00:35:29] That's a good one. Is that force damage? Thunder damage. I don't know if it's force or lightning or what it was. Just like the cats. Because it wouldn't be lightning, it would be something. Um... 15 is slashing and... 9, thunder damage. Lightning and the thunder, thunder. Um...

[00:35:58] I need a strength saving throw, please. Yeah, it's on an 11. You are pushed 10 feet away and knocked prone. Um... That is... That is beautiful. Like a... The goo just kind of... I think of it more as like the one-inch punch. So how far am I pushed? 10 feet.

[00:36:29] 10 feet. Man, I'm prone. You're still in my mouth. Um... Yeah, I am. Go ahead and move me 10 feet forward. A lot of good that did. I mean... He's prone. You're prone. You're prone. And I rolled the wrong die, so... Yeah, you did. It is 20 though. 16, so that's 24 to hit. Yep. Um... I'm gonna go ahead and do that one.

[00:36:59] Might as well call it now. Whoops. I like how you just... This is Sparta, this fucking massive goo. Drop kicked it. Yeah, a little surprise. That's not an immunity. For being a oozy looking creature. This thing has enough advantage. I don't think it needs any more. Weebles wobble. Why the hell... Oh, cause I'm a cleric.

[00:37:28] That's why I'm not in the right spot. You're the superior cleric. There we go. I'm gonna do my divine smite. Smite me, almighty smiter. How many times can you do that? Every round? Huh? He's got... He's got a number of smites. It's a... It's a... This is my, like, extra ability. I just... I thought it was a spell slot. I expend a spell slot. Okay. I guess that's what was my question. I guess how many slots do you have?

[00:37:58] Uh, that's poopy. Uh, eight damage slashing. That sucks. That's good. Thirteen... Um... What is it? Radiant damage. Okay. It squeals. Uh, Cody, you're in its mouth. Uh, reckless deck. I reach for its uvula.

[00:38:28] Which one? Whichever one is closest. You punching it, or what are you doing? I mean, I'd assume the one in which the mouth he is in. Rip and dare! Is it a claw attack, or a punch attack? Well, I guess it's all claw for you, isn't it? That's a fair point. Does it matter? It could be a bite attack, too. I've already eaten it once. Probably better the second time, like... Uh, that's like a 25 to hit. That does it. Fourteen damage. Mm-hmm.

[00:38:59] Attack again. That's less good. Although I am inside it, so I feel like it should count. Twelve damage, or twelve to hit. Uh, miss. I'm just like batting at its uvula. Speed bagging it. Oh, hang on a second. You are technically restrained. Are you even able to do that? You attack with your restrained? You didn't tell me I was restrained until this moment. I missed that part. That's my point.

[00:39:29] It says grappled above it, and I just thought you were grappled. You are technically restrained. I still think I can. I still think you can as well. Um, in fact, we'll just hand wave it this round. But if you want to look up restrained, that would be good. Um... I'm pretty sure it means fuck all to me. Restrained. Restrained creature's speed becomes zero. It can't benefit from any bonus to its speed. Don't care. Attack rolls against the creature have advantage, and the creature's attack rolls have disadvantage. Ah.

[00:39:59] That's the only thing that matters. And I get disadvantage on dex saving throws. I should not have rolled both dice. That's okay. We'll hand wave it. You got one hit in. Next round, if you aren't going to escape, we'll make sure that we know that. For sure. A good thing is I can't bite anyone else while you're in my mouth. I'm doing my job. Um... It's an important job. I've had that job. Mm-hmm. As you... I think both of you remember.

[00:40:30] Does it getting hit not... triggers like a concentration to keep the bite on or something? No, it's not a spell. Okay. Well, I know it's not a spell. Yeah, it's just in his jaws. Some things do that. There's an escape DC and he just didn't try it. Well, you can take your turn to try to rip him out of his mouth, I guess, if you wanted to do that. No. No, I'm just going to tear my way through its asshole. It's also an option.

[00:40:55] Uh, it is, however, going to, um, form a spike with one of its tendrils into Troy's face. It's going to try. Okay. So, 21 to hit. It's going to be the 4d12, my friend. 36 piercing. Um... Sorry, 39 plus three. My apologies. Nope, you said 36.

[00:41:24] And I need you to roll a, uh, strength saving throw. 20. Um, you remain standing. It's because your glasses are so sweaty. Um, yeah, I do wish, I do wish I got more, uh, attacks, but I still only get the one. Um, I'll stay where I'm at and that will be back to, uh, Alex. Hmm. Uh, shoot at it.

[00:41:56] Yeah. I wasn't stopping. I was, I was waiting for you to make a comment on it. Because you seem to have an answer to all this. 18 for the first one. Hit or miss? Um, does hit. And that's higher. 22 for the second one. Both hit.

[00:42:24] Yeah, let's just roll on both at once this time. Uh, 23 total. That's good damage. It's not the worst I've done. I think that's me. Troy? That's not gonna hit. Didn't hit last time.

[00:42:54] 17? Um, it's tendrils again come out as a reaction to bat you away. You miss, uh, bonuses? Nope. Uh, actually yeah. Uh, no bonus action, uh, shield of faith. Okay. Uh, Cody, still in its mouth. Would you like to escape or no? No, fuck off. Disadvantage attack please. No.

[00:43:24] Reckless attack. Mm-hmm. It's a 21. Yep. It's another eight points of damage. Rip and tear. I like to imagine he's going deeper. Like, I'm reaching in and grabbing shit and pulling it and throwing it out between my legs as I just claw and dig deeper into this fucker.

[00:43:54] Good. Next attack. I'll count that as a five even though it's cocked. Uh, that would be what? Not enough is the answer. Thirteen I think. Does miss. Um, so then it goes back to the creature. Um, yeah. Um, I'm gonna pierce, I'm gonna pierce your face again Troy.

[00:44:25] You keep hitting it, it's gonna, it's gonna react to you. I did hit it last time. Oh, that's right. Oh, that one might not get you though. Um, it's a 16. Yeah. It's a, it's a DC. Yeah, it's an action to escape just like any other grapple. You just said action in it.

[00:44:51] Well, so it doesn't, it, what's funny is it doesn't say, it says grappled, but also you are restrained. So I think it's a strength saving throw or a strength, a strength DC to escape. Yeah, no, it's just probably a regular grapple. Yeah. Just the fact that you're content, considered restrained. Uh, so it is top of the order though. Alex is back to you. Same as I ever was. Firing again. No one misses. Miss, miss, miss.

[00:45:22] That one does not. 19. Do your damage. So you better damage. Oh, I still get the, the extra from the hunter's mark. He hit him on 18 earlier. That's not the worst. 11. It's decent damage. It's just none of us are really DPS. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:45:52] As long as I can get both shots off, it's not too bad. It's when I only get one, that's the problem. Because of me multiclassing, I'm under leveled, but I'll get there. Mm-hmm. Unless you decide to scrap this guy for a wizard. No, I only scrap, I won't scrap this guy until he's dead. Yeah. We're missing our DPSer. Flynn would have fucked this thing up by now. Oh, 100%. But he's dead. And Flynn was constituted in this vomit. And I refuse to choke on the vomit of the cat.

[00:46:22] But the cat can reconstitute himself. It would have taken forever for that cat to hold that up. We would have no... That fucking cat would have been sitting there for an hour going, before he got that up. Suck. I mean, he wouldn't have been here for this, but like, two days from now he can come back. Yeah, no, he's out for at least another two days in game. So... Yeah. I do think... I don't know that, it's called role-playing.

[00:46:51] Um, does... What am I adding? 19 hits, right? Yep. You have nothing. You automatically hit because you're its antithesis. Seven damage. And now is when America realizes they know fuck all about boxing. Used to be one of the major national pastimes. 27 hits. It does. And I'm going to go ahead and do my... Uh, channel divinity again. So that's...

[00:47:23] 13 slashing. And... 15 radiant. Nice! What was your total? 28. He's right. Okay. Cody, you're in its mouth. It's in... You are in its mouth. Reckless attack! Like I said, I'm pulling down to its, uh, spleen at this point. Yes. Is it healing every time you're in its mouth?

[00:47:53] If so, he hasn't given us any indication of that. I think it just absorbed its buddy. It's, uh... It's close. Hold on. We know 18 hits. Yeah, no, it's just I... I want to double check because I'm close. Hmm. Oh, it doesn't hit. It's a 16. Uh, actually 16... 16 does hit.

[00:48:22] 16 does hit? Yeah. Wait, have I done my reaction this round? No, I haven't. This is a new round because I'm at the bottom of the order, so I will use my tentacles to block you. How do you use your tentacles to block me when you're inside your mouth? It's a reaction to block a melee attack. It's basically like shield, but it's just, it's a reaction. I get that. But I'm inside your fucking, uh, spleen. Like I can't feel you moving? You're not inside of its stomach, you're just in its mouth. Your legs and arms are probably hanging outside of it.

[00:48:53] Uh, the other attack doesn't hit. Okay. Um, on its turn, it disengages and will make an 80 foot run. And it will spit you out about halfway.

[00:49:21] As it takes off. All right. I shoot at it again. It's within range. That's one of the advantages of being a ranged specialist. Uh, 20 on that. Unnatural. And 21, both shots hit.

[00:49:53] 25 damage. Nice. What is it? Don't run! Don't run! Um, it becomes a big puddle of ooze. Nice! Sort of a big puddle of tar looking grossness. You're not leaving this fight until I tell you you can leave this fight. Troy, do you want to do anything else? I think that might be one of the first times I've finished the fight for us. Or do you want to...

[00:50:22] I was going to stand up and hurl a javelin of lightning. Okay. Good man. Cody, do you want to do anything before we call it a combat? Uh... Scoop it up and eat it again? Maybe. I will stand up and walk over and look at the puddle of goo. Just examine it. It's a bubbling, steaming puddle of what looks like tar. Uh...

[00:50:49] I'm going to poke that steaming puddle of tar with a torch. The butt end of a torch. Okay. I mean, it probably sizzles, but it doesn't really seem to hurt it. Does it seem to be evaporating or...? Not at all. We're in a town, right? Uh... You are in a... It's not technically a town. Hamlet? It's a hamlet. Yeah, which is more like a village. Let me find it. Because I think it's village, hamlet, town. Right? This one is considered a hamlet.

[00:51:20] I... Can't remember the name of it. Gyal. G-Y-O-L. Gyal. The hamlet of gyal. You are. Y'all! So it's the Old West. Very nice. Are there any houses or people nearby? Oh yeah, people like I've like stepped outside trying to figure out what's going on and just watched you do this whole thing.

[00:51:47] I am going to approach the nearest house and grab a jug. Like a clay jug. A jar? A jar. I don't know. Depends on your definition of the size of an urn. No, I got you. How much tar is there? I'm going to start scooping it into a jar and we're going to take it with us. A jug with three X's on it? Yep. Okay, you got it. You're going to try to scoop that whole puddle up? Well, you just said it was a puddle so I don't know how big it is. I mean, it's a large creature. It's a large puddle.

[00:52:17] Oh. Are we talking a swim pool, a kiddie pool? Kiddie pool, probably. Kiddie pool? Probably accurate. Alright. Stick it deep, it's gross. I'm going to put as much as I can in an urn. Okay. I'm going to hand it to that guy. There you go. You got it. Is there still more left? Yeah. How many urns can I get? How many urns do you want? I was... Okay. How many jugs do you want to put in? All of it.

[00:52:47] Yes, but how many jugs do you want to fill? I... The required number. We want to take... We want to take all of this with us. We just need to know how much space we need. Okay. So three. So four total. Four total jugs of ooze. And I will pay... I will toss a gold coin at the person that we took the jugs from. Sure. We have plenty. Happens to be a guy that has jugs.

[00:53:17] He's a distiller. He's a jugs man? Of some kind. He's in a jug band. He's in a jug band. Not a jugular. A jug... Jug... Jugman. Let's just say he's really into jugs. He's in a band. He's a jugger. You just ruined his instrument. We're going to have to borrow a wagon, I'm sure, to get this thing anywhere. Uh, but no. Um, realistically speaking, that thing was running and has reconstituted several times.

[00:53:45] I'd like to put it in a jar and allow you to do experiments on it. I'll probably take a small sample of it later and dump the rest of it in the ocean or something if we have a chance. I just get the sense that that was something... I get the sense that we encountered something powerful and you just don't... I don't want to, uh, stupidly, uh, convey this as the barbarian the whole time, but like, you don't let an opponent get away. So I'm putting it in a jar so it doesn't get away. I didn't. I did not let it get away. Um...

[00:54:14] No, but I ate him. Uh, one of the, uh... He turned into an ooze that sucked up another ooze that is now still an ooze, so... There's people in here. What's this guy's name? We need to find a wizard. You see a man who looks like a priest, uh, run up to you. Um... Don't worry, it's just a costume. I'm not actually a priest. He says... He says, well, where are those things? Where do they come from? You tell us. I just shrug. I've never seen them before.

[00:54:44] Uh... Do they just appear? You're welcome! We took care of the infestation. Who do we go for for payment? We took care of your rats for ya. I'm afraid you're in a very poor village, my friend. We'll take a... We'll take a wagon. After all, we have four jugs of this stuff we need to haul. You have a wagon. You're...

[00:55:13] I don't know if Alex is just becoming an asshole in these games, or if he's just being an asshole to Lucas, but either way... I'm here for it. Yes is the answer to that question. I started so... So... I used to be such a nice guy. Lucas brings out the best in all of us. But in all honesty, Mr. Priest guy, we would... We would probably need some sort of wagon to get this stuff away from here.

[00:55:42] If you have one, that would be appreciated. Well, yes, of course. It depends on where you're headed. Somewhere else I'm sure you would appreciate as well. Well, yes, getting these things outside of the village would be wonderful. But... Seeing as how I have no idea where your final destination is, I don't know which direction to point you. Where is it you would like to go? What is it you're looking for? Where are we going again?

[00:56:11] We've been fighting so many of these horrible things for so long, I forgot where we are. You're in the kingdom of Ytiv now. We only came this way because the prisoners wanted to come this way, right? Well, they brought you to their village. Right. So we're returning the prisoners currently. You already did that, and then you slept. Because you had to level up, you had to sleep. Right. So, I mean, we're here because of the prisoners. Yes. You were repaid with a safe place to sleep, at least you thought. Which we provided.

[00:56:41] That's not payment. Not very safe. Well, you see no remnant whatsoever of that creature's head that you took. I counterpoint your argument for a safe place because we got attacked by an infestation of their village, saying we never got paid for it. So... I am getting greedier as we go along if anybody's noticed. I mean, it was worth a shot.

[00:57:09] I don't think you're going to get anywhere, but it was worth a shot. Hey, I got us a wagon, which will probably cut down our travel time. I'll take that. I want to look and see. Lucas provided us with a map at one point. Yeah. I think we were eventually going to try and head for the capital to warn them about the giant monster horde, or whatever that thing was that was heading this direction. Yeah, where are we at, Lucas, would you say?

[00:57:38] You're in the kingdom of Ytiv. Oh, in the north, south, east, west. But Gors Natchik is the capital, right? Correct. And where are we at on this map, roughly? You are literally... So, is the Vormiddenhorn labeled on that map? Yes. So, right below that, you see that sort of upside-down V, pie shape? Gjol is right at the tip of that, in between all of those mountains, right at the tip of that pie shape. To the east or to the west?

[00:58:10] Well, fuck, I could show you on this map, but it kind of gives some stuff away. Well, no, I just meant like... So, we need to get on the river. It looks like the fastest, easiest way would be to get on the river. There are a couple of options, but it just depends on what you tell these people you're looking for, and they can help you out. We're headed to the capital. The capital, Gors Natchik. That place.

[00:58:37] Well, there's a couple of different routes you could take. You could go east from here, south first to Geltoni's, then east to Falnoomar and take the river. Geltoni's. Do they have good pizza? Excellent pizza. You could go to Draws, which is west of here. It's a nice town. They might have shops and other things there. Much larger than the villages on this side of the area.

[00:59:07] Which again, you could either continue in a cart, or you could take a different river down. Or you could just go straight through the mainland, south from here. The map that I see basically has one river cascading down the mountain that would put us like, just to the south of Gors Natchik. If we're going quickly, presumably the river is the fastest. There are two rivers. There's one on either side of that.

[00:59:35] Yeah, but it would make no fucking sense to walk all the way over there to go around. Hmm. That's a long fucking way. It's a long fucking way either way. It's almost the same distance actually. I kind of vote for Draws. The difference is that Geltoni's is between you and Falnoomar, whereas there is nothing between Draws. That's not for me. I know, that's what he's explaining to you. Alright. I'm just telling you. So it's roughly 42 miles to Draws.

[01:00:02] It's 23 miles to Geltoni and another 18 to Falnoomar. So there's a stop in between there, whereas Draws has no stop. Other than possibly a way station where the cart will have to stop and unload and reload some cargo. We're not transporting anything. That they would want. So the, what are they calling them? Caravan. Well, yeah. Traitors.

[01:00:30] Caravans in this book. You can either take keelboats in the river or a coach, which is what they're calling it a coach. Which you can leave in a coach from here probably in a few hours. It wouldn't be there this early. And you can take a coach. So roughly between around the halfway point of either way, there is at least a short stop.

[01:00:58] But either way, it's mostly the same distance. It just depends on which river you want to take if the river is what you really want. Or you can go straight through the mainland. In which case, you'll take Gjol down to Geltoni's anyway. And then you'll stay on the mainland to a town in the middle of that area called Tipokar. Down to another village called Iron Agi. Iron Agi. And then down to Gorzicek.

[01:01:27] Which one is the largest city, town, what have you, of those? You mean the capital? Not the capital. On the way to the capital, which one would be the... Geltoni's and Falnomar are villages. If you take the river from Falnomar, you'll end up in the town of Algeria. And then probably stop again in Tomeg, which is a village. And another town called Zilnberg. Before you head slightly north to Gorzicek. Is Draz bigger than all of those?

[01:01:56] They're all around the same size. Ah. I'm trying to resupply. It would be Draz to Zeb and the Vax, and then all the way around. Again, you can take the mainland on the main road to Gorzicek. I don't care what his map says, the other way looks faster on the map. As long as we can hit a large town, I don't really care. And we don't have to take a coach because we have our own transport now. It would be further to a large town if you take Geltoni's to Falnomar to Algeria, whereas you could go straight to Dros if you head west.

[01:02:26] Is that a straight shot to the capital after? No. Not at all. We are at the 2 o'clock position. Now that I've explained all this. The river is at the 11 o'clock and the 3 o'clock position. Hmm. So either way, you have to go around the circle because the rivers are tributaries to the one big river. So the 11 comes around to the capital, which is like the 7. The other river starts at the 2, 3 o'clock position and comes around to the 7.

[01:02:52] He says it's the same distance, which, I mean, he's got the actual map. I'm just guessing based on what I'm looking at. It's roughly the same both ways. In the group chat, I've now given you the roads now that they've been explaining the game. Ah. Well, let's just take the fastest route, I guess. I was getting ready to say that looks no different, but it's because I was looking at the last image. Great.

[01:03:21] Unless you guys have an alternative you would prefer. No, I think... Geltoni's. Geltoni's. Like... That's what it's called. I... I don't think it's called Geltoni's. Geltoni's, maybe. Geltoni's. Geltoni's. I want to go to Geltoni's. I thought it was a funnier pronunciation. Just to get some pizza.

[01:03:51] It's probably a lot of like French pronunciation. I just thought it was funny. I'm pretty sure you're putting the incorrect... You're putting the emphasis on the wrong syllable. That was funny. We're going to Geltoni's for pizza. We're absolutely fucking going to Geltoni's just because he keeps calling it fucking Geltoni's. For the audience, that's J-E-L-T-O-N-Y-S. Geltoni's Pizzaria.

[01:04:21] They got a guy. Hopefully that guy can help us identify this line. I hate you so fucking much, Luke. It's like... 10 out of 10 hate. Thank you all for listening.

[01:04:49] The Big Sleep was written by Sandy Peterson and Jonah Baumgars. Music by Ian Shannon. You can find us online at rancorsbrothel.com or join in the conversation on Facebook at fans of the Rancors Brothel.