Sandy Petersen's Cthulhu Mythos - The Big Sleep 39

[00:00:16] Bancors Brothel presents The Big Sleep, The Mythos 5e Adventure.

[00:01:24] Battle of the bands, let's go. Have fun. This is a song. Scott Pilgrim, come on guys. I get the reference. I will step out of the caravan. What does this group of serpent folk look like? It's a band. A band of four debased serpent folk and two archers. Are headed toward you. Where did they?

[00:01:54] Well, hold on. Fuck off. They're attacking your fucking coach. What? Well, did they just come out of nowhere? Are they on some horses? Are they slithering across the ground? I mean, according to this map, it lands pretty fucking open and plain. Plainsy, so. I feel like we would see them coming. Did they come out of a hole in the ground? Possibly. They're snakes. Well, I mean, they're snake people. That's racist. That is very racist. Why? They're snake people. There are plenty of snakes that choose to live in trees. No trees here.

[00:02:24] Or possibly like, you know. In the water. Mid-sized suburban homes with a .25 acres of land that they can grill on. Don't be elitist. Those are some pretty vicious snakes. Like to step out of the coach and assess the situation. There are six serpent individuals racing toward you. Okay. Are they? Armed, yes. Thanks, Lucas.

[00:02:54] No, I meant, are they on a mount? What? No. No, they're not mounted. No, they're not mounted. So presumably the coach is faster than them, right? They're on the road headed toward you. They're in your way. Okay. Go around them. Hit the curb. Keep rolling. So they are coming down the, say, 10 foot wide road. Sure. And thus blocking it. Correct. With their bodies. Yep. Two archers, four others.

[00:03:24] What page are these on? 60. And at what distance are they currently? You don't have any long distance teleports, do you? Just misty stuff, unfortunately. And that does not have the range we need. Four of them are carrying spears. The other two are carrying bows. How long until they get? They're within 20 feet of you. Like, they're on their head their way.

[00:03:53] They would have come up out of a ditch or something and just... Oh, they're within 20 feet? They're like bandits. Fucking throw a trident. First of all, roll initiative. No, I said trident first. No, I said roll initiative five minutes ago. No, nerd. And then everybody asked a bunch of fucking questions. Yeah, because like, it's almost like tactics and planning and stuff might be useful. Because you said they're coming down the road, not a side of the road ambush. So are they coming down the road?

[00:04:22] They're running toward your coach. They're out for a Sunday stroll. Oh, we just happened to be in their way. Oh, it's a Sunday stroll. It's a Sunday stroll. Honestly, if they were going any slower, I'd see if I can put a catch... Throw the bag at them. ...catch thing on the front of this thing and we could just pull a Mad Max straight through them. Because I mean, why did the guy stop if he didn't see them? Spears. It did stop. Right. Why? Because they ran out onto the road and blocked it.

[00:04:52] Why? Why would you stop them? Because they're fucking pricks. That's not what I mean. You said the serpent folk had spears? Four of them have spears, the other two have bows. And that's why they stopped spear wall. Well, no, you would just proceed to run them over with the coach. But if you put a spear down, you could impale the horse on it. But are they coming down the road or are they coming up from the side?

[00:05:22] He said they're coming down the road. The real question is why we don't just go over the edge of the road and go around them. Because you fucking can't. It's a random encounter. Fight the shit. Let's go. We're trying to find... No, we abandoned a coach and we're going around them. We're hoofing it, fuck it, fuck the coach. That guy's dead. We'll come back in an hour and just take the coach from him off. Yeah. Solid plan, guys.

[00:05:51] I like this plan. See, you're cursed with shitty initiative because you suck, Lucas. Stupid thing. Cody? Seven. Oh yeah, I got that beat. Eight. I matched him. Who's got the better decks? Probably me. Yeah. Definitely me.

[00:06:19] Well, guess what? I still go last. It's going to be Alex, Troy, Cody, and then me. Exactly. So, here's a question for you, Lucas. Yeah. So, we said with extra attack it has to be the same type of weapon, right?

[00:06:48] You did some research on your grenade, right? I did and it looked like it is a case of long range is long ranged and melee is melee. And a grenade is considered just a long ranged attack? Uh huh. Throw two grenades then if that's what you're doing. That's exactly what I'm doing. If that's what the rules state, then I'll trust you. All right. I did not have the time. Ha ha ha, fool! I didn't have the time to read it myself, so I will trust you.

[00:07:13] That right there, just clip that right there and just go back and put that in like 8,000 of our episodes. So, there's that plus that. So, that is a 15 on the first throw. Where are you throwing it? I am throwing it square in the middle of those guys. Like in the actual center of all six? It has a 15. It's going to be a five foot square.

[00:07:41] You need to throw it on top of the pink one or on top of the blue one if we want to be facetious, but it's going to hit all six. Then we're going to throw it right on top of the pink one. It will hit all six for the first one. One in the pink? So, I'm going to... What did you roll? I roll... Because with throwing, it's at it. You add in your strength modifier, right? Depends on the weapon. It's a grenade.

[00:08:09] I don't know grenade rules off the top of my head, but if it's versatile, you can use either strength or dex. Usually... You look up... No, you're right. Throw it, throw it, throw it, throw it. Yes. It's not like a knife or something though. No, it should be strength, I would think. You're probably right. Last time I checked, throw checks were with strength. I'm thinking... Yeah, it's not dex. Dex is for arrows and bolts and aiming. Either way, yes, that hit. So, that was the first...

[00:08:38] So, it lands on pink, you said? With a 15 radius. So, I'll roll the damage for that after I throw my second one. No, go ahead and roll damage. Roll damage? Yeah. You asked for it. You may not need to roll another one. That's what I meant. You asked for it. Alrighty. 5d6. Fire damage. Oh, not as good as I was hoping.

[00:09:07] Oh, there's a lot of wands in that. I keep hitting the ones for some reason with these dice. So, we are currently at... 14 fire damage for the first one. Okay. And that's 14 for the entire radius, right? For everything that's within that radius. Which is all six of them. Yep. All six of them got 14 fire damage. They're all still standing. Slightly singed. And now I throw my second one. Fairly singed.

[00:09:37] Here comes number two. Where do you get your grenades from? I make them. You made them. Right, but it's an artificer thing? Yeah, it's a downtime thing. I did that in my downtime. No, that's just... I'm looking so close. That's 10. Although, I will argue if you were... If you're reading, you can't make grenades at the same time. No, that's why I didn't read the whole time. We have a long time. I was making the grenades first. Okay.

[00:10:08] So, 10. How's that do for a throw? That is a miss for everybody. Okay. Well, that's fine. That one went wide. That one went wide. That's fine. Troy! That was my turn. And I am down two grenades. Hooray, hooray. I basically just stepped you outside of one side or the other of the carriage itself. So, just pretend the carriage is here. Get in there. You are... How are you actually making grenades? With the components he just bought.

[00:10:37] It's an artificer thing, I don't know. I didn't read artificer. I'm just trusting Alex. I swear to God, just keep cutting it and putting it in it. I actually have a ability as an artificer that if I use one of my toolkits, it can create a toolset that provides me with what I need. Is there an ability check to make them or no?

[00:11:07] Not really, no. Not really or no? It's like any crafting thing. So, I can double check if I need to do skill checks. I mean, I can cut a turkey in the shape of my hand and it may not look very good. I can put my head up a bull's ass. Wait a minute. It's gonna be your bull. I'm just curious how you are making grenades, that's all. 27 hit. Are you throwing your javelin?

[00:11:36] I'm throwing my trident. You're sorry, your trident at which one? Teal. Yes. 11 damage. Okay. He's barely hanging on, but he is still alive. Same. Well, that's not gonna hit. Unless... 12 hits. No. Does not.

[00:12:07] It's a shame retracting it doesn't also do damage. Like that would be ideal, right? Yeah. Must be something that does that. Cody. Teal appears almost dead. The others have definitely been hit. Sorry, I was trying to... Not that Flynn's listening to it, but it's happening again, Flynn.

[00:12:36] It's a dex save, right? They're snakes. They probably would make a dex save, but let's see what happens. Dex saving throw for the three directly in front of me. There are the three... Oh, and that line? Yeah. Gotcha. That's why I wanted to know what their arrangement was. They are in a line.

[00:13:02] Teal is a 19. Mm-hmm. Pink is a 13. Green, who is an archer... Does he have a different dex? He does... Is a 9. Uh... 9. The 9 takes 17 damage.

[00:13:31] Uh, the other two each take 8. As I throw my javelin of lightning through them and strike all three of them. Kikow! Oh, sorry. There's also... My bad. Uh, no, wait. Hold on. Inclusion align. Uh... Teal is dead.

[00:14:00] He'd never hit what was left. I've not really done this with multiple in a line before. Technically, I think the one in green takes an extra d6. Why would that be? Because it turns back into a javelin at the end and actually strikes the target. So there's an extra d... I'd like an extra... Interesting. The lightning bolt turns back into a javelin and it reaches the target. Make a ranged weapon attack against the target on the hit. The target takes damage from the javelin plus the 4d6. Roll to hit on green then. It took one extra damage. Just one? Yeah.

[00:14:30] Oh, sorry, you're right. I do probably need to roll to hit. You're correct. So my apologies. I double checked that crafting thing. It'll be like a 20... I have to look. It's at least a 21 to hit. I'm assuming at least a 21 hit. It does hit, for sure. Just roll damage. I'll keep my roll. I rolled a one. Okay. It's just one extra damage. What are you saying? So I did double check that thing. It takes me an hour to craft, so I only had the two. Okay. No problem. So you're out of grenades again. At the moment. No, I'm just curious.

[00:15:00] I just want to know what the ability was. I don't care if you do that. How to make them, you mean? No, I'm curious how he is making them. Write tools for the job. Basically because of the fact that I have... I was curious what write tools for the job. It allows me... It gives me a crafting kit that I can use for a task. Does that kit run out? Basically, it uses the tools that I had at the time to create what I needed.

[00:15:28] And then after the thing got spent, it takes an hour. And then after that, until I use it again, it's hanging out. And then that disappears. So, hooray! So there's no ability check or roll to confirm whether or not you've successfully made one? Crafting just takes time and materials. Okay. I was reading in there. Say, for example, if I wanted to build myself a suit of armor, it would take several days.

[00:15:57] And the requisite materials. Right. So you have enough to make 12. Well, now you're down to 10, right? So it would take me 10 hours to make 10 grenades. So... But you're also trying to read and rest. Because if you don't rest, you start taking levels of exhaustion. Yeah. So... I got a lot on my plate at the moment. Yeah. So the sooner we can kill these guys, the sooner I can get back to doing what I need to do. To be useful.

[00:16:26] Sounds like my job. So whose turn is it now? Cody just went, it is the serpent folks' turn. One moment. I don't know, I only killed one of them. I was hoping to take out several. Yeah, you did your job. You killed people. It's a good job. You're good at it. Which is always wonderful. So...

[00:16:55] How much damage does your grenade do? From the stat block I found, it said it was 5d6 fire. Gotcha. So... They're useful. It just takes me a while to make them. Okay, sorry. Let me take this guy off the board, I guess. Um... Ba-bam, ba-bam... Spearman! Oh no! Go away! Seriously, go away! He did. Everybody moves and then attacks.

[00:17:27] Blue on... You, who has a spear. Spear. He's got multi-attack. One bite, one spear. Natural 20 on the bite. Ow. And a single digit on the spear. So the bite is... Not a lot of damage. There's no d4s. But I'm guessing it's poisonous. More than likely.

[00:17:58] 1d4... Plus 2. So 5 piercing damage. And you need a con saving throw. Con... There it is. Don't fail. What? Don't fail. 18. You're good. You're not poisoned. Hooray! Well, it's just poison damage. Sorry. So...

[00:18:26] How much damage did you do total? You said 5? Yep. Okay. Um... Oh wait. That was a... Nat 20, so I should have rolled the d4 twice. Hmm. So it will be... Add one more. Um... Light blue will also do the same thing. That is a 15? Uh... under. You're under.

[00:18:55] And the spear will also miss. Uh... Spear against the ghoul. By... Pink is a... Uh... 22 to hit. Hmm... On the ghoul. Which is only... God damn it. I don't. I don't. Three piercing damage... Um... For...

[00:19:25] Oh sorry, it's bite first. So it's three piercing damage. Con saving throw. Second attack on the spear... Is a nat 20. Uh... Um... Con saving throw release. Oh, I didn't realize you were talking to me, sorry. That's good. I thought you... I didn't realize you had already done both attacks on him.

[00:19:55] Sixteen. Uh... You're fine, so you do not get poison damage, but the nat 20 on the spear attack... Will be... 2d6... Instead of one... I am immune to spears. Five... Almost. Uh... Six piercing damage. The archers will now go... One archer on...

[00:20:25] The artificer... 18 on the die, so that's probably pretty good. Yeah. 23 to hit? That does hit. Um... 1d6... Six piercing damage. I need a con saving throw. No, sorry. That's for a bite. Nevermind. No, I do need a con saving throw for a short bow. Sorry.

[00:20:55] It's the same. They... They are poison tipped arrows. Mm-hmm. Con saving throw. 11. Fail. Hmm. Four... Six... Poison damage. Ugh. Second attack on you. The same bow. That is a miss. Um...

[00:21:24] Green will fire an arrow at the ghoul. That's a miss. Second attack... Will also miss. Two single digits against the ghoul. Top of the order is Alex. You got two of these motherfuckers in your face. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. After it's travel and random encounters. So you get where you gotta go. Well... What are the spears made out of?

[00:21:54] Um... I mean... The handles are wood and the tip is probably iron. Oh. Are they wearing armor of any type? They are not. It's natural armor. Damn. Might as well slide it. Good call though. Yeah. Yeah. It'll work. Cast in one action. What? No. Shatter? No. Eh... I mean...

[00:22:24] I use fire breath on these... Buggers. I haven't used that in a minute. Mm-hmm. That's 2d6 on both of them. Dex saving throw, is that right? Uh-huh. To have the damage. Yep. But it still hits him. So... Might as well roll the damage while you're figuring that one out. Yeah. Yeah, it's not much. It's fine. Uh... Blue is the blue die. Light blue is the red die. Uh...

[00:22:53] The red die has a 16 on the die. Um... Dex save, right? So 18 and a 9. So... The red dice passes. The blue dice does not. Okay. I did not do very well on my damage roll, so... 7. Is the total? For 2d6 on fire breath. Okay. So blue takes the whole 7. Mm.

[00:23:23] Um... It's not gonna... It's not gonna affect this session, but... I'm gonna double check that one for later. It's fine. Any bonuses or anything? Yeah. That's weird. That was a good question. Uh... Da da da da da da da... Hmm... Yeah, I'm gonna misty step out of there. Where do you wanna go? Where do you wanna go? We got 30 feet to go any direction.

[00:23:55] Behind the paladin. Hmm... Cool. And... That's me. Uh, Troy! You are in the middle of the... Ghoul... And the... Artificer. There is... One individual near you here. As you were there. Um...

[00:24:23] I'll move over to... Dark blue. Dark blue, dark blue. Eek! That sucked. Although you could tell me the total. Uh... 11? Does fail. Uh... 25 probably hits? Does hit. Oh, wow. I don't have a super high AC. I'm not wearing actual armor. It's all natural. Um... 414. That is...

[00:24:54] Good to know. Regular blue, right? He does drop. That is good to know. No, he doesn't. He's stuck on the end of my trident. No, he's stuck on the end of my trident. Slumped. So I did check and for later reference it does increase. So... What does increase? Uh, breath weapon. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, breath weapon's pretty good. Cool. Yeah. Yours is fire, right? Mm-hmm. I can remember what color dragon.

[00:25:24] Night of fire! Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Anything else? I am a gold dragon. No. Cody. Rage. Do it. Do it to it, Lars. Reckless attack. Rage. Reckless attack. Do it. I'm killing your pink snake. Do it. It's a 24 to hit. I'd rather you not touch my pink snake. Yeah. Hits.

[00:25:54] I'm about to bitch slap your pink snake until it falls limp and useless on the ground. Just be nice to it. That's 14 damage to your pink snake. Well, my pink snake is now limp and on the ground. What do you want to do now?

[00:26:18] Uh, I will move over to, uh, the one that, so I, I gouged that one's throat out. Mm-hmm. Um, it dies. You picked the wrong one. Pretend there's a caravan in here somewhere. Well, that's kind of important to know. There's a caravan there? Well, it's the, the coach you guys stepped out of, yeah. I didn't put anything there, but yeah, there's a coach there. In that case. It doesn't count if it's not on the board.

[00:26:46] In that case, I will reach up on top of the coach with one hand barrel roll over the top of the invisible coach so I can attack the blue one on the other side. Athletics check? I mean, you're the one who put it in my way and I didn't know it was there. I was just going to take the 10-foot stick. I told you it was there when he first started. I said, I put you guys on either side of where the coach would be. Troy nods yes to the people at home. It's like a 22 on Athletics. Make it over. Thanks.

[00:27:16] Pretty sure I just standing jump over it like fucking Power Ranger. Just want to make sure you didn't like, just knock yourself out. That's another 27 to hit the blue one. Yeah, blue's dead. You want light blue? It's dead. Don't be a pedantic asshole. Do damage.

[00:27:47] Three damage. Still alive? Yes. Action surge. No, he's not. Another 23 hit. Yep. How about another 13 damage? Now it's dead. How far is the range to that fucker over there since you didn't move me? No, I don't want to be there.

[00:28:17] Thank you. It's 35. 35. I would like to. Oh, but then I ended up being 35 instead of 30 and I think that kills it. You had a moment? I don't know how tall is the carriage that isn't there. It's apparently only five feet wide. So apparently we're sitting in one big circle jerk fucking aisle. Um, I don't know. Probably 10 feet tall. Cause it's gotta be with a light weapon, which I think the ax is. How is the carriage?

[00:28:46] You should be able to throw an ax. Taller than it is wide. Cause he did, there's no, he did. Have you ever read Harry Potter? No. What? How's that relevant? Book four. We should just kill this guy and take the carriage if it's that magical. I'll throw the ax at, the green one's probably almost dead, right? Uh, he's definitely taken the most damage. Brown has taken no damage. Yeah, I'll throw my ax.

[00:29:14] So basically, slash that one's throat, jump up, leap over the top, put my fist through light blue, tear his throat out, and then turn and throw a battle ax. Do it. That's a 23 to hit. Six damage. Battle ax would be a hand ax, but that would be enough to kill him. That it doesn't fucking matter, does it? Does it, Lucas? Lucas. I don't think, I don't think you can throw a battle ax, you can throw a hand ax.

[00:29:43] Either way he's dead. Lucas? Yeah? Would you say this microphone's more of a hand ax or a battle ax? I don't know. You wanna try it? I have a feeling, I have a feeling, I have a feeling that I can get it from me to you. Yeah, within five feet. Probably less. I'd list that as a bludgeon.

[00:30:11] I bet I can squirm out of your grapple. At which point, now, literally licking the blood of one of the serpent folk from my lips, I extend my hand outward and give him the rock, just bring it. Because he's the only one of his little friends alive and he should be running scared like a little piss bitch baby. He will fire two arrows at you. Well, one hits, the other misses.

[00:30:40] What are the arrows? One of them just looks much happier than the other. To be there. She's Irish, probably drunk. Seven piercing, con saving throw for the poison. Seven. You mean three. Con saving throw for the poison baby. I'm trying to think.

[00:31:08] I'll just roll it flat but I'm pretty sure I get advantage on that I think. That's a... It's too expensive to drink that often. You're good. I literally take, as he shoots me in the chest, I pull it out and lick the end of it. Mm-hmm. And toss it on the ground. Top of the order, Alex. Oh, goodness. There's one guy left standing. Where's the invisible carriage?

[00:31:43] Uh... It's the invisible 20 foot long, 5 foot wide, 10 foot tall carriage. Yeah. So are we just sitting in it sideways? It is kind of the fucking... It's not in your way. It's not a carriage, it's a bobsled. It's not in your way now. You move 10 feet, you're fine. Shoot the fucking guy. I'll shoot the fucking guy. Climb up on top of it and you'll get a height advantage.

[00:32:13] Not so much. So I... First shot hits. It's been the same image for a while. What was your first clue? Uh... First shot was 22, the second one was 14. Does that one... Do they both hit or just one? They both hit. It's a 10 round fight. It's gonna be a minute. Or a belt.

[00:32:47] 27. Notice to me that there is a belt. He drops. He drops. He drops. You are now in the clear. I kind of don't want to get back in the carriage at this point. It seems like it'd be uncomfortable. Faster than walking, but your call. And these guys did not have mounts? They just appeared? Mm-hmm.

[00:33:15] Like I said, they probably ran out of a ditch, stood in the road, and they were like, Fuck you, we want your shit. And then they went... Just like all the most effective thieves, I'm going to run in front of a carriage being drawn by two horses and say, Whoa there, I would like your things, please. They're kind of like bandits, they're just serpent folk. Scaly bandits. Yeah. So those guys are dead. Let's proceed, I suppose.

[00:33:45] See if I can actually get through a chapter of this book. Before the next person has to die. Okay. How long are we riding for at this point? Um, you guys will reach... You guys can reach a... You guys are going to tip a car, right? Yep. That's 25... Sorry, 20... 26 miles. So three more miles than before.

[00:34:16] Yeah, you guys can reach tip a car. Tip a car is an actual town. Um... So towns are more like several thousand people as opposed to like 500 people. Um, outlying farming communities, merchants, probably government officials, soldiers, clergy, and craftspeople. Uh, there's ends, there's...

[00:34:45] Probably a stable. There's a 50-50 chance that there might be an armorer here if you're looking for that. Uh, or a blacksmith in general. So it just depends on what you guys are looking for while you are here. Well, I don't know what you guys are up to, but I'm gonna go over to the blacksmith and use their tools so I don't have to use that ability again. It's a pain in the ass. Yeah, they're not gonna just let you do that. I... I'm sure I can talk them into it.

[00:35:16] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So... Money talks. You'll have to give me a persuade rule or something. I offer him five gold coins to use a corner of his shop. I can make five gold coins on more than just that. But you're not using that corner of the shop. Not using what? Fine, I'll play the stupid game. Oh my god, roll dice and then dice roll the game.

[00:35:53] That's a failure. Go talk to his buddy and offer him three times as much gold. Um... Go to his competition and pay him instead. Because this blacksmith's being a dick. Is there anything you guys are looking for specifically? Other than a place to sleep for the night? Um... You do have inns. Or a stable. You just wanna sleep in the fucking grass. Or hay. No.

[00:36:24] Um... We got money, we deserve a bed. Meal, mug of ale, cup of fruit. Tch. Stables. Potions of healing, possibly. Draft horse, riding horse, cart, wagon, passage on a keel boat, but you are not near one of those. So Tepicor does not matter. No, I would seek out the rowdiest inn. Uh...

[00:36:51] You find Rowdy Rowdy Inn, Piper. Really? Yep. I'd burn this place down and go to the next one. That has a less stupid name, Lucas. They're all out of bowl gum. I don't... I don't like you. Like, of the people I like, you're on a different list. I don't like me either.

[00:37:24] No, you can sleep in an inn. It will cost you five silver if you wanna sleep in an inn instead of a stable somewhere. I'm interacting with the NPCs and environment of this world. So I'm going to get a frothy mug of beer and sit in the inn and brood and look suspicious and menacing. That seems successful.

[00:37:51] I will hit on tavern wenches and gamble with the lads. Uh, yeah. You do that thing. You stink and you are not the most attractive guy in the world, so... I'm literally dying. Like, parts of me are dead. I... You basically are the walking dead, so yeah. Um... You're gross and no one likes you. But... You know?

[00:38:21] In the game... It's the same thing. Good one. Nice job, Lucas. You're screaming outside. Not my fault. Someone else can do it. Put my feet up on the table. What are you two doing? I'm still finding a craftsman. They're all being a little bit of a... There are craftsmen. They're just not going to let you use their shit. Why not?

[00:38:49] There's only one in this, uh... It's a small town. They have one craftsman in this entire town? It's a small town, not a city. You're gonna... You're not gonna find multiple blacksmiths here. Do they even have police or anything here? Probably, yeah. Many... A few of them? Or are we talking like Skyrim, the one guy? More than you. More than me.

[00:39:18] I would hope so. You hear screaming. And? You hear screaming in the distance. What are you doing? How far in the distance? Depends on where you're at. What are you doing? Like, close enough that he has to do something, and far enough he can later say, oh, I thought it was birds. I would have gone with him to the... Rowdy, Rowdy Piper Inn, or whatever the fuck he called it. Yep. Yeah.

[00:39:47] I mean, it's near... You would estimate where the stables are, where your coach has stopped to swap horses. Is it the cry of someone violating an animal? No, it's the cry of someone in... Sheer fear. And... Possibly pain. I will go to the door and look out.

[00:40:16] You see not one, not two, not three, but four of these creatures that you just fought the other day. We've been fighting a lot of creatures, be specific. The amorphous large creatures. The jugs broke. Didn't we leave those in the first town? No, they were in the caravan. Took them with you. You mean the...

[00:40:45] in the wagon we were never allowed to take? Yep. Back in the first town? You said you took them with you? You took them with you. I was going to take them with you, but then you said I couldn't take the wagon. I looked at Trey's character at the door. Is this our fault? Meh. I guess this town is getting wiped off the map. I don't want anything to do with them.

[00:41:13] Won't let me use their smith. Oh, Talogar, how we barely knew you. I say we just leave. There's enough people here. This will keep them occupied. Oh, God. Nobody can pin it on us. Rolling thischief. I'm not even in this part of the town. It's not that big of a town. And I'm going outside of it. Are they in the tavern? I'm rolling this.

[00:41:43] I put you guys inside of a tavern here. You're at a blacksmith just down the road. Yeah. They're at the stable. I'm going to walk away. Where they are destroying the town and killing the townsfolk. Now that sucks. Yep. Unless these things are weaker than last one, I want nothing to do with them. Cody? 18.

[00:42:15] Look at you in the double digits. 16. Standard. Five. Hmm. At least I'm not last. Uh, Cody. Peek out the window. You see four formless spawn around the stable eating people and destroying everything in sight. Horses, what have you. So you said it's a small town. How close to the border am I?

[00:42:45] You're in the middle of, like, what do you mean? The border of the town itself? That's... You're in town. You're in the town square. Yeah, I'm talking about how far until I reach the outside of town. Probably hundreds of feet. He's going to run and leave these guys to die? I don't think these guys are going to stick around either. It's up to you. You're the ones who made the decision to...

[00:43:14] I'm last in order, so what these guys do comes before me and I can choose what to do afterwards. You're the ones who made the decision to do what you did. I don't regret that decision, but this town may regret touching our stuff. I'm going to rage and I think I can move 30 out the tavern to the one, uh, the farthest of your left. It looks like that's 30 feet away. I think if you draw that in a less stupid way, it can be one more square towards me. Because I really don't want to be surrounded by these fuckers.

[00:43:44] I want to at least make them, force them to go around the bend there. Uh, reckless attack. Yep. No, you just made it to that. That's where I'll stand. You can throw your weapon. He can't. Yep. That's a... All of my spells become null and void. Uh, 22 to hit. Yes. For 10 damage.

[00:44:13] Uh, my second claw. That's another 22 to hit. Yeah, you said 22 damage. Is that right? No, 10 damage. Oh, sorry, 10 damage. I mean, I'll take it if you give it to me. 22 to hit, my bad. That's another 4 damage, so I did 14 total on two attacks. Okay. I've already used my action surge today. I've already used one javelin. I don't know. Action surge come back after short rest?

[00:44:42] I don't know if it's short rest or long rest. I think it's a long rest. I think so, too. If it's been over eight hours, then you're fine. Um... I don't think so. That fight on the road wasn't over eight hours ago, was it? No. It wouldn't have been. Ah! You had 26 miles, it was about the halfway point. Now you must finish a short or long rest. Okay. Action surge on him again. Oops, hold on there.

[00:45:20] 17 hit. I think it's an 18 you told me to hit. Which sucks, because that one was laying on its side. Uh... It will remove its tendrils to block you. I can eat my ass. That one's definitely going to hit. That was like a 26. Yes. Fuck, I rolled the wrong damage on that last hit, too. What do you mean? That's another nine damage. I've been rolling the wrong dice, because I'm... It's been a week.

[00:45:49] So, I rolled some wrong damage earlier, I should have gotten more damage. Do you want to roll the correct die? If you want me to. Go ahead. That would add two more damage. So it would have been 16 the first hit, what about this one? Nine. I think I've done like 25 total. I just realized I rolled the wrong die earlier. I was throwing hand axes, so I was rolling sixes, but now I'm using my claws, so I should be rolling the eights. Right. Alright, opening salvo, 25 damage. Yep. Troy.

[00:46:19] You are also right at the door of the tavern. Yeah, moving me up the same... Same guy. To the same guy? Yeah. Yeah, we gotta take them out one at a time. Yeah. We got focus fire down. You assume they don't heal. Well, I mean... Theoretically, they'll only heal if they suck up each other. Bonus action, thunderous, my... I don't know, Lucas. Just figuring out what I can from what I got. 23. Is that not 20?

[00:46:49] Oh no, it's a 20. 23 to hit? Yes. Doesn't look bad. That's 14 slashing and 8 thunder. Okay. We're at almost 50 damage so far. Nice. It's like 47 damage, I think. Roughly? 48? 47. That's a 1. To hit? Yeah. Bummer.

[00:47:20] I get to go. Nope. This guy is going to attempt to hit both of you at the same time. He has... That doesn't seem fair. Just gotta throw that out there. Whip tendrils. 23 to hit both of you? Yes, yes. No, I mean... I have 19 plus what is yours? Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Combined, that's not enough.

[00:47:50] With our powers combined. That's 3... 9... 12 slashing? On 2d4? Yeah, I got it. Yeah, plus 3. 2d4 plus 3. That's still not possible. That is not mathematically possible. 11 is the max you can get. Oh, I'm sorry, 10. I don't know why... Yeah, 10. Just adding extra damage.

[00:48:19] 10 slashing. Um, and that is it for that guy in front of you. See, we're okay until this point, Troy. Yeah. Some of these guys are just eating or attacking villagers. Villagers. So just pretend we got villagers here. So there are only two on you. The second one, however, will attempt to hit Troy with what is called the Ram.

[00:48:50] That is the 4d12 hit, by the way. Um, that's an 18 to hit. Nope! Ooh, misses with the Ram Jam. Oh, Black Betty. Bam, bam. It was actually a reference to the wrestling movie, but you're right. Um, Alex. There you are. You can see at least two of them. Three of them.

[00:49:20] I mean, it's a big square. It's the market square. It is. I yelled at my teammates. How attached this town are we? You just want to survive at this point. Pretty much. I'm wondering if they want to run away with me. What are you thinking? Uh, I'm thinking... Make your call. I am, but I don't want them to... I'm curious to see if Lucas will TPK us. You wouldn't be the first, uh, PC to just leave their friends behind.

[00:49:50] Flynn. Who hid behind a rock. Yeah, to be fair though. I mean, it was a bitch move, but that was like 25 years ago at this point. Still a bitch move. Like, no one there but me was present. But I've heard the story multiple times, so I know it. No, it was just the shock and awe when he's like, I want to roll... I want to roll to hide. And he's like, the Drakes can see you. He's like, no, I want to hide from my party. What?

[00:50:23] What would you like to do, sir? Troy, if I run away, will you come with? Uh, probably not. No? Shit. Oh no, I feel bad. That's your free action. You talked. What would you like to do now? Um... Can I see the third one that's close to them? Yes. I wonder if that powder's useful. Oh, I shoot at it.

[00:50:51] Like, cause I don't know that it's just invisibility. I mean, ideally we would save that for Flynn, cause I think he would use that. Yeah. Exponentially. But it might be worth it to see what happens. Before we TPK. If Flynn would have sat here tonight, he'd probably be here by now. He decided to take the night off. This is basically night three. Oh, I'm gonna shoot at the one that's on the right. That one? Good. Yeah.

[00:51:22] 25. 25. Does hit. So that's 25 for the first one, and on to the second one. 19 for the second one. Both hit. Nice. Oh, let's see what happens. 16. Did you say six? 16. 16. 16.

[00:51:52] That is magical, right? For damage type. Gotcha. Yeah. I calculated that last time, I just wanted to confirm. No reductions. Anything else you would like to do? Bonus actions that you might have. Movement that you would like to take. I'm thinking. Next to a building, you said? You're basically at a stall, a blacksmith's stall. Hmm.

[00:52:22] Hmm. Um, but it's difficult to see the last one over there. What's, what? I mean, that one is behind the other one. So yeah, it's kind of hard to see it. Is the blacksmith's stall open or is it actually a building? It'd be an open stall. Yeah. Hmm. Where's the closest building? Other than the one you're standing in front of? You said it was a stall. A stall and a building are two different things.

[00:52:51] She must be real good boxing. Yeah. It's an out, it would be like an outdoor blacksmith stall. Mm-hmm. I think Skyrim, right? Mm-hmm. Undisputed. So like the next building would be like the tavern somewhere over here where they ran out of. Hmm. The next closest building. Okay. Um, I'll run to the side of the building. You can use the forge. Well, I'm trying to get some elevation.

[00:53:19] So that's why I'm trying to find the biggest building I can climb on top of to see what's actually going on. The tavern or inn would be the biggest building in the square. For sure. So I'll go over there and after that I'll- So you're next to it. Snipe! Snipe! Snipe! Snipe! Jump on top of that once I have, but I don't think I have the movement for it. Cody! Yep. So. Reckless attacking. That's a nat 20. Do damage.

[00:53:50] Mm-hmm. Right. There's a caveat to what's occurred and it's somewhat in your favor at this point. Your caveat. That's pretty good. 21 damage. That one drops. Get fucked! He did.

[00:54:20] I'm going to step around Troy through the puddle of goo to prevent him from absorbing his buddy. Okay. And I will recklessly attack that fuck face. That would be a 15 to hit. Um, he will use his tentacles to block you. Alrighty. Those are my actions. True.

[00:54:49] Although he already used his tentacles so I don't know that he can use them. It's a different guy. It's also the top of the round. Yeah, but what I'm saying is if it is a shield he's theoretically already spent it. It's the reaction. It's a reaction for- Each of them will have that same reaction if they can use it on their turn. He's saying for the next round. What I'm saying is if Troy rolls low don't assume you don't hit because he probably can't take that reaction again. No, yeah.

[00:55:17] He has- he cannot use that reaction again. Correct. If Troy hits. Careful. But the one that used it was the one you killed previous turn. Previous round, sorry. We're on a new round now. You're at the top of the order. Not what he's talking about. Go ahead. Swing and hit him. I don't think that's going to do it. 14. 14. Does hit. Oh. That's what I'm saying. I've already used- I already used up his shield by-

[00:55:47] His tentacle shield already blocked me. This is a real game of numbers. I'm doing thunderous smite again. Um. What the fuck is wrong with your Netflix? Eight. Slashing and um. Six thunder and I forgot. Uh. On the last one. But I need a strength saving throw please.

[00:56:17] Nope. Single digit. You're prone and push 10 feet back. Consider him prone. And 10 feet back. Um. Run up on him again. Yeah. Move me up. It's so silly. I mean it is but- But you get advantage now. Yeah. So. I mean yeah no. It works. Kinda need it. Ooh fuck. That's better. 22. Yep. Uh. Seven. Seven damage. And I'm gonna do my channel divinity.

[00:56:48] Ugh. Come on. For um. Seven more radiant. So 14 total? Yeah. God he's- That one is barely hanging on. Hmm. Um. But it is his turn. Um. He's gonna attempt to bite. That one's gonna attempt to bite you Troy. Which will fail. Single digit.

[00:57:18] Don't even. That one's just after villagers. This one is after you. It will attempt to ram jam you. Fucking single digits. Uh. Alex go ahead. I scale a building. Okay. It's a time thing? You're on top of it. Huh? I'm wondering why these things came back.

[00:57:48] I don't know. I wonder if there's a way to permanently get rid of them. Uh. I- Since I'm on the roof I'm gonna aim for the one that's near Troy. First off. It's almost dead. So. You can tell it's just barely hanging on. I will fire away. 21 on that one. Go ahead and roll damage.

[00:58:19] 13. Had one hit one. I turn my rifle on the next one who's- Let's go after the one going after villagers. Okay. Might as well. Let's see what we can see. Shoot that chagoth in the face. No. Cody. Uh. Fine. Uh.

[00:58:49] Just move me 30 feet towards that one that's attacking villagers. Um. As I run I pull a javelin of lightning off my back and hurtle it at the one that's um. Yeah that one. Okay. I think I can reckless attack. Yeah I should be able to. Does that account for ranged? Or is that only for melee? I've heard so. I don't know why it would matter.

[00:59:18] It's technically a versatile weapon. Hmm. Melee weapon attack rolls using strength. So no not ranged. It's a melee weapon though. But you throw in it. Right. Cause it's versatile. That's not what versatile means. Versatile means you can use melee or dex. I thought. I'm pretty sure versatile is one or two handed. Am I wrong?

[00:59:48] I think so. No. Do you know how many different rules? I'm pretty sure versatile is one or two handed. I don't think throne counts as versatile. I think throne is just a different type of weapon. Option. It is a melee weapon. Cause yeah my trident. My trident is a melee weapon but it can be thrown. That counts as versatile? It's versatile cause it can be it's two handed. That's what I'm saying. Versatile is not thrown.

[01:00:17] Versatile is two handed. No. But it could have the thrown property. Which is not versatile. Right. The thrown property is not the versatile. The whole question is whether or not you consider it a melee attack roll. I'm using strength. It's ranged. Not a range. Well. You're throwing it. It's ranged. It's still strength. Because you're throwing it. It's a javelin right? Yeah. Yeah. It's a throwing weapon. Nevermind. It's still a melee weapon.

[01:00:47] I throw it into the side of the fucking wherever. It's gone. It kills 14 villagers when it does. Roll damage. When it does 19 electric damage to anyone in a line 135 feet. Okay. Uh. When it hits that thing. It doesn't do as much damage as you think it did. It didn't hit anything. Rolled a five. Oh. You didn't hit the thing? No.

[01:01:17] That's why I said it goes skittering into the fucking wherever and kills 15 people. Oh. That's what it was. You're thinking of finesse. No. Finesse is also different. Finesse is when you can use. Throne property is just a completely different style. No. This is what we were talking about earlier when he was talking about versatile using dex versus strength. That's finesse. That's why I was like he was thinking of finesse. Not versatile. No. Versatile is either one or two hands.

[01:01:46] That's what I just said. I said he was thinking of finesse but used the word versatile. Which way is your turn? Uh. It's like you and I are having a different conversation here. Dog man. And I'll throw my credit. Which one? Um. Three or four. Neither of them have been hit. Three.

[01:02:18] Uh. Seventeen. Does it? I apologize. That was overly aggressive. Whoops. What is that? A one? I can't see it. It's a ten. So, um. Seven damage. Okay. Hmm. That's not gonna do it.

[01:02:51] Ten. To hit? Yeah. Yeah. Uh. I'm gonna do shield of faith bonus action. Okay. And drop everything. That will move on you. That one will climb the building. How the heck did it climb a building? It's a very large creature. Cause it's a Shoggoth that just slopes up the side.

[01:03:23] Um. It will attack the ghoul. That's a natural one. My mother-in-law is like losing it on a face. That one will attack you. Do you think better things to worry about than some dumb fighter Netflix man? Jesus Christ. Fuck that die. Like. Well since. Single digits all over on that die. Well since you did. It's your turn Alex. Attempt to attack me. It will be available later. Oh. And anytime you wanna watch it. Oh it is my turn? Yeah. So as a bonus action I'll do misty step to get the heck away from that thing again. You're on top of a building where do you wanna go?

[01:03:53] Uh. Hmm. How wide is the building? He's just the type of person that just. In reference to where I am. Like. When the culture should he complains. I would say about 30 feet by 20. Uh. Then I'll use misty step to get to the edge of building and jump off behind these guys. With my movement. Since that's separate. Somewhere over there. Yeah I'll go further back. Just a little bit. That way? Hmm. A little further. There we go.

[01:04:24] Now I won't shoot Troy when I shoot at the shotgun that they're in front of. That was a bonus action to misty step right? That was a bonus action. Anything else? I will attack. Which one? Three or four? Three. Do it. What shot? 26. Yep. Second shot. 10 we know does not hit. It does not hit.

[01:04:55] He said three. You hit number three right? That's what I'm aiming for. I'm about to hit it. Uh. 10. Damage. This time. Okay. Okay. He's barely been hit. And you're not doing Hunter's Mark right? I. That's a bonus action so. That's a bonus action right? Okay. Yeah. I need to maintain concentration for that one. Yep. I'd like to hit the. Not the Shoggoth. Not a fucking Shoggoth you could call it that.

[01:05:25] Because you haven't given us any other descriptors so. My character just came up with the word Shoggoth because it goes. It's a formless spawn. I step forward to fight the Shoggoth. Do. Thank you. I will reckless attack it. If that is allowed. I. Y'all try. I rolled three twenties. You rolled two dice.

[01:05:56] Look. Is it one of my 20? Cool. Double your damage. Nope. Triple my damage. That's fine too. 24 damage with that hit. Your attacks aren't magical are they? I don't know. Probably not. He hits like he's made of magic. I think it was a pretty magical crit myself. Let's do it again. I crit it again. I'm just pointing to it for effect. Roll damage.

[01:06:28] 22 damage. That one drops. Eat my ass. You got one standing on top of the tavern slash N. I turn and cast magic missile at it. 37 points of damage. Troy. The classic barbarian healer. With wizard spells. That's right.

[01:06:57] I also cast cure all wounds. I rolled a 69. Cool. They all stand back up at full health. Because you didn't specify who you were curing. It climbed up on some buildings. That's where you were, right? Yeah. He's been basically trying to hunt me down with this thing and can't seem to pin me down. Because I have many, many escape options at my disposal. What's the whole thing about hold action? Is that actually a thing?

[01:07:26] Or to be determined of bullshit? I don't remember. It was a thing once upon a time. That's the hard part. I've played so many different fucking versions of these games. I think you can. I think you just have to specify a condition. I'll just throw my trident. Okay. The 12 hit? No. No. Nat one won't hit either. Next. Uh, it's next.

[01:07:50] You're fired. Here it comes. It will come at you. The Shoggoth. That's an awful lot of movement. Nat 20. I'm immune. That's gonna be 8d12. Don't go down and neither of us can heal you.

[01:08:20] He's got to lay there and... 8d12 has the potential. That's a lot for him to add though. He screwed up 2d4 earlier. It's only 29 damage. I rolled real shit. 29, hang on. 32 damage. You did 29 on 8d12. I rolled real low on 8d12. A lot of low numbers. It's very sad. Yeah, 48. Roll me a strength saving throw.

[01:08:50] What is it? Strength? Strength. 22. Success. You do not get knocked prone. Top of the order, Cody. He came at you. I'll come at him. Yo, come and go. I'll handle this just like your pink snake. Dropping it. Rollin' really well when I do that. 24 to hit.

[01:09:21] It's not been hit yet. Uh, that'd be 7 damage. I hit him with the other claw! It's not much damage. 26 to hit. It's another 6 damage. Troy. It's right in front of you. I just went.

[01:09:51] I did not go. Oh, I'm sorry. I skipped you, Alex. I apologize. It's, it's not that big a deal. I apologize. I'll just go now. You go ahead and get on then and I'll go back to Troy and I apologize. Let's throw away. Only did 5 damage. So, that was a throwaway round for me. Okay, then Cody would've, then Cody would've gone. Troy, now it's on you. Uh, 26. Do it. 2 damage. Um, and this thing's barely been hit, right? Yeah, he, yeah, barely.

[01:10:21] 15 damage so far. So I'm gonna do, uh, a thunderous smite again. Uh, it's 13 slashing and 5 thunder. I need strength saving throw please. 5 thunder? 5 thunder. Lightning and the 5 thunder. Thunder. Hmm.

[01:10:51] Strength. She got in that fight over my eyebrow. Nope. Push back and prone. Meow. Every time I've done this I've... Yep, run a bunny. It's not bad. Goddamn. Ooh, there you go. Leaping in the air, trident to shove right in it's formless bunghole. 8 plus, god dang, 5 radiant.

[01:11:22] 5 radiant, that's all you've done? 5 radiant? 5 radiant and 8 slashing. Yep. 12 damage. 13. 13. See if anybody's paying attention. He don't look good. He will stand up. Well it occurred to me that if I'm gonna, if I'm gonna scream out bad math I should scream out higher than the actual total as opposed to lower than the actual total? He will attempt to, uh, bite the paladin. God, single digit.

[01:11:51] I cannot fucking hit, fuck that die. I'm gonna try. Alex? You had butter in it too. Mm-hmm. 16. So 19 and 16. I'm guessing both hit. Yes. Because it's ranged, yes. Um, 15 on that. 15 total. Yeah. Yeah. How's it looking? Uh, before I do my bonus action I wanna know how it looks. He said not good. It drops. Oh, okay. Yeah, then I will not use that.

[01:12:21] Dead. These puddles of tar seem to solidify. Solidify. Uh, into. A hard, hard tar like. Black tar like. Well, I don't know. Maybe they turn into a, uh, a, a juicy morsel of chocolate bar. I don't know. No. They seem to solidify as if, I don't know, concrete almost. I mean, it's just, it's hard. Does anybody have a large hammer?

[01:12:52] You guys are in Tippecar and you've just destroyed four formless spawns. Thank you all for listening. The Big Sleep was written by Sandy Peterson and Jonah Baumgars.

[01:13:22] Music by Ian Chan. You can find us online at rancorsbrothel.com or join in the conversation on Facebook at Fans of the Rancors Brothel.