Sandy Petersen's Cthulhu Mythos - The Big Sleep 40

[00:00:07] Bancors Brothel presents The Big Sleep Umythos 5e Adventure.

[00:01:53] That many dead people. A handful of dead people. Okay, I'll take a handful. Are we talking a small handful or a large handful? Probably not a large handful. I would give you at least five to six dead people. That's not that many statistically. It's a handful. In a population of how many in this town? The town, according to the book, towns have roughly a thousand people in them. Oh, that's a drop in the bucket. Yeah. But... Not statistically significant.

[00:02:23] It happened right in the middle of the marketplace. Kind of your fault. They don't know that. The most important fact. Yeah. So what would you guys like to do? You guys want to rest? You want to just keep moving on? I don't know how... Some of you guys took some hits, but I don't know how... I can't remember how bad it was. It's been a while since we played. I mean, I'm... Under half health.

[00:02:52] I mean, we were going into a tavern for the night, as I recall, so we don't have any plans to go anywhere. That's fair. As long as we're not being run out of town. No. No, you're not being run out of town. So you can stay here, you can sleep. We're rated as heroes. Just for one day. We did kill the abominations attacking everybody, after all. Yeah. Yeah. So you guys can sleep here for the night and then head on someplace. You gotta let me know where you want to go. Where's the best pizza?

[00:03:22] Definitely not Jeltoni's. Fucking Jeltoni's. Could be an Iron Aggie, which is the next place. What kind of food do we think they have in Iron Aggie? It's 22 miles... Haggis. Haggis. Haggis is a good call. It's 22 miles to Iron Aggie, or it's 35 miles down to Ageri if you want to take the river. Nigeria? What? Ageri. Oh. No, we're cutting through. Okay. Just cutting down the middle.

[00:03:52] Rolling. Rolling. So are we resting, or are you just throwing dice for no reason? It was random encounters, so I'm rolling dice to see if anything happens. He was gonna make some bombs and shit. I wanted to stay in town for a day so I could restock and read through these damn books you keep foisting upon me. You read through that book, didn't you? I read through it once. Apparently I need more reading. Lots more reading. That's probably true. So, I want to stay here for a day and build bombs.

[00:04:23] That's how you end up on a watch list. In the real world. You're on a watch list now. Unless you're in the military, then you're paid to do that. Where's your manifesto? Hey. You gotta be careful with manifestos. I'm a dragon. I don't need a manifesto. What are you describing on your bombs? Just don't go to McDonald's when you're done. What's the medieval equivalent of that? It's all they have in Iron Agony. It's all they have in Iron Agony.

[00:04:53] McDonald's would serve haggis and other intestine-related stuff. The barkeep will rat you out. So anyway, you can make your bombs. I appreciate that. I'd have to go back and read. I didn't even consider the book thing, so I'd have to go back and look at it again, to be honest. Eh. It'll take me about an hour per bomb, so if we're here for a day I can make 12. Because I do need to sleep and do other things, I'm sure. Damn.

[00:05:23] I believe you had to make a roll on something. What you got last time was that there were spells and formulas in this book. I did find out about the spells and formulas. I believe that the next stint was to learn them. Because at the moment, I have two marks. I succeeded twice on the Elder Sign in the Book of Ivan. I think. The Elder Sign. One of the spells was to learn the Elder Sign. Oh, that it was one of the spells you were learning.

[00:05:52] Yeah, because I have to learn them individually and I have to hit a certain quota to get them. That is correct. So. It was based on the level of the spell, is that correct? It was, and the only level of spell I had was like first or second at this point, I think. Because of my understanding of the Book of Ivan. Which is a scary thing to say. Okay, so then I need to go back to spells to figure out how to learn spells.

[00:06:19] So if I've been making it, then I will have made 12 grenades. If you guys let me rest all day and work. Yeah. Then I can give you guys each three. Or later. If you want. That works. You guys want grenades? It's like each town we go, we just rest for a day and I make more grenades for everybody. Because remember, 5d6 fire damage.

[00:06:48] Alright, hidden clues, independent research. Process takes 10 days per level of the spell. Right. Did you write down what level this was? Elder Sign? Elder Sign? Uh... Level 3. So level 3. So it's 30 days worth of reading to learn the spell. 10 days per level of the spell. So this will technically be your second of 30 rolls.

[00:07:26] So then there is... It's an ability check. Yeah, it's an ability check. Either Arcana, History, Yogg's Athathory, whichever is better for you. Always Arcana. The DC is still pretty high, so... I'm unsurprised by that. On the plus side at least, it gets easier if I fail this time. It gets easier if you fail this time? I had an Advil sort of one. Because you said when it goes through that I get a little bit more of... Oh, that's right, yeah. So if I fail this check, it's just like okay.

[00:07:55] Yeah, you still gotta make a save when you fail, but yeah. Right, so... Oh, don't die. 17. That is a failure. At least it's not a one. That's all I ask, is no ones. What happens when you fail? My mind explodes and they're down an Artificer, and they don't get their magic spell, special weapons anymore.

[00:08:24] Make a Wisdom saving throw. I believe it's just a Dread thing is all it is. Yeah. Wisdom would be... Probably a fail. Six? Definitely a fail. So you'll take one level of Dread for failure. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. So you're still gonna need... I guess 29 more successes to learn that spell. 20.

[00:08:53] 10 days per level, so... Alright. So there's your time reading. Does anybody else wanna do anything? Troy, you wanna do anything while you're in the town? I mean, it's... Been described, it's like a small... So like, there's not really shops or... I mean, there's a small marketplace, yeah. Yeah, but we're not gonna find anything...

[00:09:24] With the kind of money we gotta spend, we have to spend. We got resources. We could buy this town, probably. I mean, like I said before, your... The pack was on your cat. Cat got eight. I got the bag. You let me keep it. I don't remember. You did? Yes. I got to keep the bag. It's currently in my pocket. So all the stuff that's in that bag is now mine. I did talk to a couple of other DMs about what might have happened, and they were just basically like...

[00:09:52] You could've destroyed it, or it didn't matter. Either way, they could've cut the thing open and found it, so... Yeah. I can't remember if it would've gone with the cat to the Dreamland or not. Oh, I don't know. Because whatever you're carrying probably goes with you. Yeah. But you died rather than left on purpose, so there's a difference, right? And we dig... Technically, your body disappeared because it was dead, not because you purposely went to the Dreamland, so... Yeah. And we definitely eviscerated it, or he did anyway, so we would've found it if he wasn't inside of it. Yeah, it makes sense that it would be.

[00:10:22] I even talked to people about that. They're like... Destroying it wouldn't have made a difference. It wouldn't have hurt anything. But... I don't care. Um... So the goods and services in towns, there's an inn, there's meals, there's a drink, stables, you can probably buy potions of healing if you want them, horses, and then travel by carts or wagons. Passage on a keel boat if you're in a village near a river.

[00:10:53] So, it would be basic supplies. Nothing extravagant here. I am drinking on everyone else's dime in town. Because we're the heroes of... And I will intentionally misquote wherever we are because I don't remember what it is. Yeah, but you drink blood, so what are you drinking? Blood. Blood? Who's blood? I don't know. Whoever volunteers. ICU is tribute! ICU. You know... Do they have an ICU? Not anymore. It's gone. Destroyed it.

[00:11:23] I'd like to point out, Lucas, that like, you need to drink water to survive, right? You're drinking Coca-Cola. Just because I need blood doesn't mean that I... I enjoy drinking blood doesn't mean I can't have, you know, an ice porter. That's fair. Mug of ale, according to this thing. No, like a barrel. Mug of ale, cup of fruit brandy. That's what's listed as the options. Attach a handle to the side of that nearby keg.

[00:11:53] They are paying because I have saved their shit town from destruction. That's fine. Yeah. Would you like to move on from the tipple car toward Iron Aggie? I'd give you three to one odds that Flynn is a spell caster. Nine to one odds that he's a bard. That would be fun. We could use a bard. That would balance out our body pretty well. Bards are fucking... I mean, they're not useless, but they're...

[00:12:22] We don't do enough damage as it is. A bard would be... A bard would make the battles even more painful because we would die even less. We wouldn't hit any harder. We're just in purgatory. They would buff you. A bard would buff you. Right. An extra 1d6 is not helpful. I need someone throwing down like 64 damage. You know what this party needs, honestly? Fadre. For good or for ill. Like, just someone throwing... Someone just throwing damage dice. Someone who cheats throwing dice?

[00:12:52] Yes! I know Alex is here. We got that. We all just need to pour our weight and cheat more. I will accept that insinuation even though they are all legitimate rolls. I rolled nothing on the random encounter table between here and Iron Aggie so you guys can get to town. How convenient. See if I give you grenades. So this, rather than a town, is a village. There's a lot smaller, a lot less things here even to do.

[00:13:22] But, as the Wagoneer must, they must stop at every stop. They unload and load new cargo and what have you. You guys notice that there is a similar, I guess similar to like every town or village in The Witcher. There's like a board that has stuff, you know, tacked to it. A notice board? Notice board, that's the word. Thank you. A public bulletin? I wanted to say bulletin board, but I was like, I don't know what the word you use.

[00:13:53] Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. So yes, do do do do do do do do do. A notice board. Crazy guy. You see a bunch of like, you know, missing posters and stuff on there. And one of them catches your eye. Ow! Did you make it? I didn't make the prop. He says, indicating Flynn, who is now furiously moving through his... Oh. Ow! Ow! Yeah. So for those here who are...

[00:14:22] I like that you drew the butthole, by the way. Yeah. Accented. This is a very childish drawing of a gray cat with quite prominent pink butthole and yellow eyes. It says, missing. Interesting. Contact Esther Pembelton. That cat looks really familiar. It's the butthole. You recognize that butthole.

[00:14:51] I'm pretty sure I ate that cat. Well, because that piques your interest. You see that and you're like, oh, that's absolutely our cat. Interesting. The childish cartoon drawing of a cat is clearly identical to our former party mate. I love it because no one's ever going to actually see it. So, I mean, like, this could be a Leonardo da Vinci version of cat and it would just be like, oh. It's amateur hour.

[00:15:23] It's not bad. It's not a bad cat. It's a solid cat poster. Yeah. It's definitely a cat. It's a shame that Esther Pemberton didn't tell us how the fuck to contact her on said poster. I guess you can ask around. It's up to you. Moving on. Just begin screaming. Esther. Pemberton. We got Pemberton around here. Pemberton. Pemberton. Pemberton. Pemberton.

[00:15:53] Pemberton. Pemberton. So, it's a small town? It's a village. It's even smaller than that town. Okay. Do they have a tasty freeze? Maybe 300 to 500 people total here. Okay. How many people in a small town? About 300 to 500 people. We'll say... It's a totally different perspective for me. I think I am the city. In the city. They see that here. Yeah. You see it. It looks like it's been here for a little while.

[00:16:22] It's a little worn. Weather worn. Pemberton! I was going to do this for quite some time because I assume based on the poster that she's around. What's that low roll tell you, Lucas? If there's nothing here you guys want to do, you can hang out and then move on. I will take the poster and fold it and put it in my pack. Okay. And weep silently as the carriage rolls along.

[00:16:48] Remembering the taste of the gooey thing that tried to kill you afterwards. I am including that in... I was like this close to letting that just explode out of your stomach, actually. Instead of vomiting. I thought that would have been funnier, but it probably would have, you know, just killed you out, right? Probably not. The alien thing. Do it, coward. Whatever character I come back with next will ruin your game more. Um... Just didn't fight, Fodra.

[00:17:19] I just go upstairs and play video games. So you guys... Along your way from Iron Aggie toward Gorznyček, which is the capital, and the next stop. And where we'll find Flynn, aka Esther Pimpleton. The, um... You see running towards you, uh, ten mounted individuals on large warhorses. How are they running to you? I was gonna ask. Um...

[00:17:49] With the horses on their back. They are... There you go. They are in... Mounted could be either person, so the warhorses are on the people. Now I'm fucking terrified. I don't know how much an average warhorse weighs, but Jesus Christ, they're strong. Warhorses are strong. They don't skip leg day. They're carrying their own warhorses. That's the exact opposite. Mounted on the warhorses are, uh, individuals in full plate with large, um... Kind of look like wings.

[00:18:18] I mean, they literally look like wings coming off their backs. Um, all of them carrying, uh, huge lances. They're a lightning javelin. Um, and they are... They all have, uh... Some of them have flags that have the emblem of, um... Uh, of the kingdom. But do you have a flag? Yeah, that can't possibly be our problem whatsoever.

[00:18:44] It's gonna be one of those things where suddenly we're on a 15-foot wide road with video game walls and have to talk to them. Yeah. I mean, yeah, much like the Rohirrim, they surround you. Why? Stop you. What'd we do? And ask what your business is heading toward the city. Is it on lockdown? We're just going to the city. In the city. City of Angels.

[00:19:13] So yes, one of them does ask, you know, what is your business heading toward Gortnichek? I hand him my passport. He throws it away. Lightning javelin. Who's asking? The Queen's Guard. Who's supposed to be? Wait, did you say Queen's Guard, King's Guard, or The Guard? The Queen's Guard. Oh. I didn't know it for her. How's she doing?

[00:19:43] How's she doing? What's your business heading toward Gortnichek? We wanted to see the city. Why? What's wrong? We have plenty of refugees at our walls we don't need anymore. Refugees? What? How the fuck did they get here faster than us? Right? It's more than one. I didn't go through a fucking mountain. It went around it. Some people escaped before it fell. Before the city fell. Would have gone a different route.

[00:20:13] Should check for cultists in those refugees. Since they seem to be all cultists that were leaving. Yeah, no shit. They were all cultists all the time. You guys got a drug problem there? Not that I'm aware of. Now you're a shit guard. No, I don't think that's not that sort of thing. Not in that city. That's what they think. Well, if we can't go into the city, I guess we'll just leave them to our own devices. Bye.

[00:20:43] Turn around. Bye. Not refugees. So I brandish a wicked looking clause. Mercenaries then? I would show them our... Did we get badges or some sort of paperwork? From? From the other king. We did. Yeah, you did at one point. Yeah. We kept it. Yeah. I'm showing that.

[00:21:12] It was some sort of writ as well. Yeah. We got our legal writ and badges. Show our papers. Show your papers. Don't throw us off the plane. We're special. He kind of takes it and laughs and just hands it back to you. And what does the king want with Yativ? I mean, he wants nothing with it. There's not really a Yativ anymore. No, you're in Yativ.

[00:21:41] There's no Axe Fan. Oh, whatever. Just so you know. Axe Fan stands. Spoiler. There's no Yativ anymore. The city of Radova is what fell. The city of Radova with an H. Apparently. Oh yeah, I remember that. On the map with an H that I gave you at the beginning of the game. It's the map that we use every so often in the city that we just stayed in. So you tell him that the city fell? Yeah.

[00:22:12] He kind of looks around to the rest of the writers and just nods and allows you to pass. It says the queen will probably want to speak with you when you get into town. Hell of a welcome wagon. So it's another, I don't know. How far was that one? Like 78 days. It's 28 miles from Iron Aggie to Gorzacek.

[00:22:43] So yeah. You guys make it to the city gates. So we went from being refused passage to meeting the queen. Interesting. You had useful information. This city is massive. I plan to. Let's see if I can find a little map for myself at least. You guys are coming in from there.

[00:23:13] Is that right? You do see refugees outside the gates. Again, camped out similar to how they've been in other villages that you visited. I don't know one that you recognize here, but definitely the Xfenians who have escaped, seemingly escaped the wrath of Sathagwa and his minions. Anybody wearing green robes?

[00:23:44] Not that you see here. Lightning javelin. That's your answer to everything. Is it not a great answer to everything? I see a problem. I just ignore it. Throw lightning through it. It does solve most problems. Until the vaccine matters, I just ignore it. I'd have fought those guys. We could have rode up as members of the Queens Guard. And when she said, why are you? You're not my Queens Guard. We're like, well, your Queens Guard sucks ass. Would you like to hire us? See, I created a narrative out of a fight, Lucas.

[00:24:13] They still suck ass, but that's beside the point. Don't you judge me. You enter the city. It's a pretty bustling, hustling, bustling city. It's massive. The most prominent feature you see down the center of the road is the palace, which in itself is sort of shaped like a plus sign. At each tip, there's a small tower, but at the center is a massive green dome.

[00:24:41] And yeah, you see another notice board with another one of these signs on it. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Does it have Esther's contact information, her digits, her DMs? I don't know, does it? Nope. It's the same one. It's the same one? You open your pack and it's gone. It's got the crease lines. Son of a bitch. Tear stains where I wept last night. I pull another one down. You got another one.

[00:25:10] Is there a street urchin nearby? Yes, because there always is. Probably. I physically pick up the street urchin like four and a half feet off the ground. You want to watch? Watch you do what? He opens up his bag. You want to watch or what? Would you like to buy a sundial? You know how expensive those fucking water clocks are, bro? Let's go sell them. Jesus Christ.

[00:25:40] I point to the picture of, I point to the missing poster. Nice cat. Who is this? The cat? Find out. I don't. I then pin the missing poster physically to his body. Oh. And then I shove him on his merry way. The man shuffles off with a cat poster pinned to his shoulder.

[00:26:10] Like a piton. Like a full on spike. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not just a thumbtack. Like that thing's in there. Yeah, yeah, no. It's not going anywhere. It's like a railroad spike. Through and through. Yep. Sometime later, while you're perusing through the city, which again, there's a lot more here to do. You can visit much better shops, much nicer. We'll go to some shops, do some shopping.

[00:26:40] Everybody loves an audio podcast that does a shopping montage. Montage! I want to find magical relics because I need more of those. We need a montage. You do kind of really feel, not long after you enter the city, you feel like you're being watched. You just get that kind of weird feeling. Huh. Who knew that a ghoul, a fish man, and a dragon walking together would have an audience? Yeah.

[00:27:09] Because we blend in so well with the humans. And as you sort of kind of peruse some of the shops, you see a bird just kind of perch next to you. It's like grabbing around the door. Roll a new character. That one's dead. That's not how I'm coming in. What are you doing? This is what you wanted. No, it's not. No. So is that considered fast food?

[00:27:37] No, I like the idea that I strangle the bird because I'm pretty sure if you strangle a shapeshifted druid, it just turns back. So. It's fair. Okay. Okay. If you want to shoehorn me. You see. I'm trying to get you into the game. Who has the bag? I guess he does. Okay. As you're perusing the stalls, you hear some snuffling at your back.

[00:28:04] And if you look down, you see a bunch of cats around you. And a very large bloodhound sniffing at your pack. This is very uncomfortable. Tony, just grab it by the throat. It works every time. Gets everyone's attention. He throws a smoke bomb. Roll to kick dog. Grenade. Fetch. I could do that.

[00:28:31] I could also pulse thunder wave in the mouth of a crowd. Clear out the whole street. Right. Really see the queen real fast. Excuse me? Dog will look up at you and kind of growl a little bit. You're the one who came on to me. Get away from me. I'll nose the bag of holding. No. Fine. This belonged to a good friend who died viciously.

[00:29:02] All of a sudden, the dog transforms. I mean, technically, it wasn't viciously. I mean, it was like an instant. It's like a death any of us would wish for. It was very sudden. Very sudden. Yeah. Just horrifically painful. Yeah. Just engulfed you entirely and you were gone. It took a second, but it felt like thousands of years of pain.

[00:29:25] You see before you a squat old lady, human with white hair, green cloak around her. She's holding what looks just to be like a tree limb. And she kind of eyes you. Have you ever seen my cat? I don't want any. You smell like my cat. I seriously don't want any.

[00:29:55] Are you Esther? Huh? What are you? Speak up. I really wanted to say after he said green cloak, I was just going to say javelin again. I felt that. That's why I wanted to say. Flynn, pause. Flynn, pause. I want to interrupt. Flynn, pause. Go first. Because what is it? Javelin lightning is like 135 feet in a straight line and like five feet wide. And like 50 people die immediately in this busy street corner.

[00:30:25] Do you know where my cat is? Who's your cat? You mean all the cats around my legs at the moment? There's a ton of them. Any of those yours? Well, yes, but there's only one cat I'm really looking for. Sorry, darlings. His name is Mr. Wimples. It's a black cat. She pulls out one of the posters. Oh, yes. I noticed that butthole anywhere. Still the same poster.

[00:30:56] You've met Mr. Wimples? Uh, yes. I have. Do you know where he is? He just breaks down sobbing. He's, uh... He isn't anywhere. He's in a more magical place. I mean, that's an accurate... He ceases to be.

[00:31:24] He went to the great litter box in the sky. He says it between just going... As he snots and goes to wipe his nose. He just smacks some poor passerby. I'm surprised you didn't just pick somebody up and use them as a snot rack. The urchin. Hey, I found her. So he went back to the dreamlands. Uh, that's doubtful.

[00:31:53] Why do you say that? He was eaten by this and I just hold up whatever sort of bucket of gunk we still have left. Oh, Mr. Wimples. You fool. You beautiful fool. Well, he's... He'll be fine. He'll be fine. The crying just gets louder. No. The sobbing now is, uh, like, smashing some poor man's cart with my frustration as I'm... Dear! Dear! It's, it's okay.

[00:32:22] He, he's, he's died before. He'll, he'll be back. He's, he's just, he's sleeping. He's napping. Here, would you like... Hold on. And she's gonna dig around in her, uh, in her pockets and, hold on, hold on. She's gonna produce a little, um, like an amber-colored, almost looks like hardened sap. She's like, here. Have this. Oh, yeah. Always take candy from old people. Yeah. Where there's original. It smells like butterscotch. It's 100%. Oh, yeah, no.

[00:32:52] It's a good berry. In one, in one gulp. 100%. Yep. Yeah. You heal one hit point and you don't have to eat today. Sweet. There. Is that better? Is that better? No! Hold on, I have more. Hold on. I just like the idea that you're probably like, you know, one third my size. Oh, yeah. She's like five foot even. Yeah. Yeah. We can continue to play up the comedic effect for as long as it seems entertaining. It does.

[00:33:22] It's entertaining. As long as you want. No! The cat! I couldn't save the cat! So, why were you with my Mr. Wimples? Can you take these cats away? I'm mildly allergic. No. Uh, your cat was the greatest thing. It was the leader of our group. The smartest. The strongest.

[00:33:49] Yes, he was quite a whip-smart little rascal, yes. He would wander off from time to time, but he wandered off for quite a while. Then, obviously, what happened to Axfain? Do you know what happened to Axfain? Uh, where's Axfain? Is that what, is that Axfain? Or what was the place that fell? Radovas. Radovas. Do you know what happened to Radovas? He was there! Did he make it out?

[00:34:20] Yes. Mm-hmm. Ah, okay. And you were there? Correct. Ah, okay. Yes. Well, I've been, I've been looking for, for him. I wanted to make sure he was safe after, after everything happened. Um. The big sniffle. He's like, no! He was eaten in one action like a punk bitch with stupid rules from a character. Fuck you, Sandy. He's been, he's been fucked over by the DM before. It's fine.

[00:34:50] It happens to us all. It's what happens when you're too good at DPS. It's true. It's true. The DM gets salty and then one thing leads to another. It's okay, dear. It's okay. Sometimes you roll a six on a one on a D6 and it happens. That's the way it works. Well. Well, that solves it. I can, I can take down all my posters. Um. All three of them. Is it in the background you see some guy running around with one stake to his chest? Excuse me, sir. Can anybody get this spike out? It really hurts.

[00:35:20] Do you mind pulling this out? I have nothing left to live for. Heat metal. Well, it's a little awkward, but I, uh, I am very far from my home. Uh. Can you help me find my grandson? Wait a second. We ran into your lost cat and now you would like us to help you find your grandson.

[00:35:49] I have a list of different people that I've lost track of. We don't work for free. That's fine. Butterscotch candy. Take it. You'll love it. Not having to eat for the day is actually a pretty cool thing for the good berry. I gotta say. Like, how awesome would that be? Put that in my pocket for later. Um. No, I will stop weeping at some point.

[00:36:20] Hours and hours later. Yeah. Yeah. Two days into morning and smashing up, um, various, uh, taverns and, uh, brothels and other establishments here in the city. Um. I don't want to have more time to read. So would, uh, is there anything else we should know about your character, Flynn, that you would like to share with us? You're an old woman whose name is Esther. Old woman. Named Esther. Who turned into a dog. Yep. And, uh, can produce good berries. Yep.

[00:36:49] In both, I imagine, Werther's original and, uh, cinnamon hot disc and strawberry watermelon varieties. Yes. Excellent. Uh. And, uh. And they all taste stale. Excellent. Even though I just made them. Not one of them are wrapped. There's lint stuck to them. Oh, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. Um. And, uh, so you are not, you are not from, where the fuck are we? Yativ? You're in Yativ now, yeah? Yativ is the name of the city. No, Yativ is the. Country.

[00:37:19] The country that. You're in Gorznikov. That is the city. We're in Gorbachev. Right. That's the same joke I was going to make. Uh. I got his ass. The wall's still up. So, yeah. In Gorbachev, where the wall is still up. Radovas fell. Radovas was in Axfain. So she was originally from Axfain. Okay. Which is where the cat was from. Got it. She fed the cat. Right. Like you do. And the cat didn't come back for a couple nights. She got worried. So did you also flee Radovas then? Um.

[00:37:49] Yes. So you're one of those dirty stinking refugees then. Kind of. Technically, yeah. Probably snuck into the city. Only when she's a dog. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I just flew in. Boy, I heard her. You're the one who told me. You're the one who told me you were a bird. No. Win. I'm like a bird. I'm like a bird. I'm like a bird. I'm like a bird. Just assume. Oh, it's a druid. It's going to be a bird. I nailed the spellcaster. We're not an expected druid. I was hoping Kinkou.

[00:38:20] We still are still lacking in the DPS unless Flynn's going to do a fuck ton of shape changing. Nice. Yes. For the audience, Flynn nodded subtly. Yep. That's the druid I'm playing. We're not. We're not high enough. She's been traveling as a bird from place to place. Fuck you. Yeah. That was four words. And when I landed, I turned into a dog. That was subtext. How did you not get that? You're right. It was implied. You should have understood.

[00:38:49] So you didn't flee what happened in Radovaz then, per se. So you've only heard the stories. If you are already out looking for the cat, maybe. I feel like, because the cat was still in Radovaz, so I would have been following the trail around Radovaz until it fell. And then I probably would have dipped. So I probably, when shit went bad, I probably dipped. Probably left before the city fell. Yeah.

[00:39:13] So we will describe then to Esther the mountain shit and like the cultists there and looking in the mirror mirror on the wall and like seeing the fact that that invading army is coming over the pass and that we're running in front of a tidal wave of pure destruction. Is that pretty much accurate? That's pretty accurate. Oh dear. Yeah. So we probably more cities are going to fall, including this one.

[00:39:41] So like, why did we come here? Just to warn them, I guess. That's the thing. We've been looking for someone in charge and we've just been dealing with yokel local dipshits, right? Yeah. We're here to see the queen. Queen Yavin is the only. Queen Yavin? Really? Yeah. That's the way we're at. Y-V-A-I-N-E. Queen Yavin. Yavin, maybe? Maybe it's Yavin. Vine? Silent Y? I don't know. I don't know. Queen Vine?

[00:40:11] Y-V-A-I-N-E. It's more like Vane. Vane? Vane. It's called Yavin. Yavin. Yavin. Queen Yavin of Gorbachev. That's tough. Please build this wall for the Orc Horde. Have you seen Helm's Deep? I mean, after hours of discussion and what have you, someone does approach you. They are wearing more of a kind of a padded cloak.

[00:40:41] I grab them by the throat. And they just sort of walk up to you, hands behind their back. Stupid. And kind of, they just kind of get your attention by clearing their throat and say, the Queen requests your presence. Yeah, we've been informed. So? I'll take you there. We will be there when we're ready. I'll take you there. What's your name, young man?

[00:41:12] He doesn't answer. He just leads. You mean he walks away? All right, perfect. Let's head out the gate. We got what we needed. Another round. Got the old lady. End of game. Off we go. I'm the authority you've been looking for. Secret boss character right there. All right, well, we should follow this rude man. Why? You mean Lucas or the character that he's playing in the game?

[00:41:40] I think the DM's railroading us. He's trying to push the story along. Coward. We would have got there. It's amazing how often we deal with assholes when we're trying to move the story along. Surrounded by assholes. I mean, if you hadn't had the... We could have had a whole boondoggle of us, like, trying to break into the castle to see her, you know, in her chambers at night. Like, we could have had that whole adventure.

[00:42:08] But you're just saying, no, just take us to the court and you're going to give us the dialogue. Okay. Just railroad us. He's a bird. I've been looking forward to a boondoggle. I mean, maybe he could have transformed with the fish man and done something cool while I'm killing all of her guards and making a ruckus. Like, it could have been a plan. Lucas, it could have been a plan. Sure. I could be a snake and sneak up through a toilet. Yeah, I could just walk up the side of the walls. That is true. Just walk up there and go right in through the window.

[00:42:38] But let's take the easy route. This man leads you to the palace. You are then kind of left with a palace guard, an actual guard. You absolutely need to ask everybody's name, Flynn. Be incredibly nice to them. Ask them about their family. Hi, what's your name? Sunny, what's your name? Where are you from? Does it pay well? Harold, I bet you are the queen's favorite guard. I think we all are.

[00:43:08] As he sort of leads you to the grand halls. You can't all be favorites. None of you are favorites. Does she hate you all? One of those participation trophy queens. I don't like that. I think you should just ask rude and inappropriate questions. So, Harold, you like butt stuff? A kinky old lady. Oh, my God. You should play Sue the sex lady.

[00:43:36] Have you ever done it with a bear before? Bear style? Who wants bear style? Transform. Whatever he wants. I do like that I almost got Troy to do a spit take into a $150 microphone. Pretty solid. What's moose stuff? Anything you want. Or I can go stand over there and I can eat grass. As you go through this palace.

[00:44:05] Bright daylight floods. You are brought into the throne room. Bright daylight floods this grand room through a monumental dome composed of thousands of individual glass panes. Bah relief depicting scenes of Yetvian warriors fighting armies of giants fill a band of red stone cutting through the gray granite walls.

[00:44:27] An ornately carved throne of crimson stained wood currently empty sits enveloped in the wings of a gilded eagle statue. The queen stands at a small table in the center of the room pouring over a map with a pair of advisors. Are they mailing the throne? I'm going to need a lot of postage. What are you talking about?

[00:44:56] What is the throne? The throne. I missed the word. The throne. Ornately carved throne? Yeah. A couple more words. Of crimson stained wood? And then? And then? Currently empty. Uh-huh. A little more. But it's what? Say more. Sits enveloped in the wings of a gilded eagle statue. All right. Just checking. Of a gilded eagle statue. Enveloped. It's a dead one. Enveloped. I suppose that's fair.

[00:45:27] Who's going to lick that? It's been a really long day. I want to watch Harold lick that envelope. It's been such a long day. And I didn't sleep well at all. Oh, God. No. The worst part was that there was that moment where I looked at Flynn and I was like, are you going to say something? And Flynn was like, I'm not going to say something. And that in the corner of my eye, we both got Troy. And Troy was like. Oh, God. All right. We're going to make postage puns. That's where we're at. Okay. Got it.

[00:45:57] Okay. I lost everything after enveloped. The room's empty, right? No. The queen and two advisors are there. Okay. I totally missed that because I was making posts on the phone. She is standing at a table at the center of the room, pouring over a map with a pair of advisors. Thank you all for listening.

[00:46:27] The Big Sleep was written by Sandy Peterson and Jonah Baumgartner. Music by Ian Shannon. You can find us online at rancorsbrothel.com or join in the conversation on Facebook at Fans of the Rancors Brothel.