Sandy Petersen's Cthulhu Mythos - The Big Sleep 03

[00:00:16] presents The Big Sleep, A Cthulhu Mythos 5e Adventure You find Mrs. Van Der Sportinghouse, a crooked old three-story building wedged between two other houses on a twisting cobblestone street. The symbolism is just there. It's flaking whitewashed stained with soot. A sign on the door announces no vacancy.

[00:01:44] Give it 20 minutes. Yeah, should we tell them? Should we tell them? Okay, so, Susanna was here. Bang bang bang on the door that says no vacancy. No, the door is unlocked. Just said no vacancy. Tick in the door! You can walk into a motel that says no vacancy.

[00:02:06] Not locked. He has a trope he's following it. Whatever. The door opens. Flies off its hinges. You see a kindly-looking old woman with thundercloud gray hair and a pronounced hunch. Are you the madam? She says, uh, I am Mrs. Van Der Sportinghouse. How can I help you?

[00:02:28] We have no rooms available. I'm sorry. I jump up on the counter. We also allow no animals. I stay on the counter. A cat, a dog man and a fish person walk in. She's gonna start that shit. And a dragon. Let's see.

[00:02:46] A lizard, a cat, a fish and a dog. No animals. Surely King Seal asked for the vote. Are there any cups on the vote? On the counter you can knock off. Oh, Susanna. Where is she staying? I'll describe the lady. Susanna. Don't you cry for me.

[00:03:04] She was staying here for a while, I think. What's a while? A few days maybe? She goes kind of behind a counter and she looks at a book. Yes, she was on the third floor. Looks like. Moving on up! I'll bring you to her room.

[00:03:22] I hope everything is okay. The door is off the hinges by the time she gets there. She gets up the stairs, she opens the door. She says, excuse me, I'm preparing a meal for the borders. She heads back down the stairs. I'm gonna like,

[00:03:36] motion to the cat to like, just go follow. Well. I'll go. To those listening to the audio, Flynn gave a cat thumbs up. One do-claw there. Tiny do-claw up, yeah. What is the sad, isn't there a sad game? With a cat thumbs up?

[00:03:54] No, it's not a thumbs up. There's two cats that like talk to each other that I've seen that's really popular. There's a sad cat thumbs up. Zuzanna's room is a fucking mess. Dirty clothes are heaped next to her open arm-worm. A moth-eaten comforter hangs off her bed.

[00:04:06] Empty glass vials are scattered on the floor around a locked chest. She's got a cat-thumb up. She's got a cat-thumb up. She's got a cat-thumb up. She's got a cat-thumb up. She's got a cat-thumb up. Around a locked chest. Not for long! Uh, empty vials? Yeah.

[00:04:28] If you kind of kick them around and look at them, you see they have a label on them, just the letter X. What are you rolling for, sir? I have thieves tools. I'm going to try and get that thing open. Nice. Oh, get the chest open? Sure.

[00:04:44] It'll be way more fun in DCC rules. You're not proficient with. You can roll it, but you step down and die. So you start with a D10. He started with thieves tools, but if you're not proficient with them, then you don't add your proficiency. You just add decks.

[00:04:58] Artificers are proficient with these tools? They're proficient with all kinds of tools. Yeah. Thieves tools, Dinkerers tools, and Artisan tools. He's goddamn fantasy MacGyver! Make sure you add your proficiency to your tool. He doesn't even actually have real thieves tools. They're just random bits of wire and string.

[00:05:14] It's possible. I could create a Gatling gun from them later in the episode. Just the base proficiency or is it my decks proficiency? It's decks plus proficiency. Plus your roll. 21. I already have that. That lock blows off. 16, and my proficiency is 2 and my modifier for my dexterity is 3.

[00:05:36] It's a single digit. It is not. That is a 1-6. Fuck that die. I saw the 6. I could not see the 1. Then you're going to have to take my word for it. It's fine. Collective over the individual, just like the fascist society you're creating. You open said chest.

[00:05:52] It contains several empty vials and one full one of these things that are labeled with an X. I pick up the one that is full. Take a look at it. Good, good, good. I did not drink it. I wanted to look at it.

[00:06:08] You have something that's labeled with an X. You're not sure what it is? What kind of liquid is in it? Is it a greenish liquid? Is it glowing? Not glowing. Well, then I'll start with nature. Greenish. Does it have an aura of mythos around it?

[00:06:26] I'm following the old lady. I'll get back to you. Well, now I just need to know if I need to roll arcana, investigate or nature. In fairness, at this point in the game no roll you make will tell you what this is. Then I'll just put it in.

[00:06:40] My pocket. Until later. Or you could drink it. You also find... I could drink it or I could give it to the cat. Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot. Everybody! I prefer private parties' original music. You also find a silver holy symbol of Satagwa. Is that 15 gold?

[00:07:00] It's worth 5 GP itself but 15 if you return it. 5 GP but 15. So it's 5. You also find a purse containing 15 gold pieces, 22 silver pieces, 2 candles of green wax and a bag of marbles. One of which is an opaque black marble. So how much money am I getting, did you say?

[00:07:26] Well, it goes in the party go. 15 gold and 32 silver. You twat. Yeah, that depends on whether or not someone is a black marble. It depends on whether or not someone is keeping party gold or if you're pocketing that yourself. And then 2 green candles. Candles of green wax.

[00:07:46] Yes, 2 green wax candles. Green wax candles and a bag of marbles. Bag of marbles, one of which you can see is completely black. Black as night. It's fish eye. Is the color of the candles and the liquid similar? Uh... Yeah, it's probably not far.

[00:08:04] The liquid would maybe be a lighter green. Okay. But the wax itself is definitely... We're not talking like neon and lime. No, you're talking like true green and forest green. That's quite a difference. It is, but it's not neon bright. The elixir will be like a green-green.

[00:08:26] While the wax is more of a darker, more forest green. Does anything in this room smell of death or decay? No. Aside from that, you see several plain dresses. The armoire holds a fur-line blue velvet cloak. It's actually worth 20 gold. And a plain green monk's robe. Roll me,

[00:08:52] I guess everyone, since you're looking through the room, investigation checks. Except for the cat who is not in the room. Okay. 16. No way I even did that one. 11. Rolled low, same as you. The Triton notices on top of the armoire.

[00:09:15] There's actually a spare key that goes to the chest. As you kind of flip through things under the pillows, you find a small leatherbound book. Repeated on every page in a neat hand is the statement. It's a little bit of a mystery but it's a neat hand.

[00:09:33] It's the statement. Ia Sathagwa Zimel Zotha. The sleeper awakens and we sleep beneath the mountain forever. I repeat the nonsense phrase. Ia Sathagwa. Zimel ZYMYL Zotha which is capitalized X O T H A exclamation point. The sleeper awakens and we sleep beneath the mountain forever.

[00:10:07] Is mountain capital or lowercase? Lower. The only other thing that is capital are Sathagwa, Zotha and the sleeper which based on a previous check the sleeper and Sathagwa are one and the same. Pretty far from mountains. You're surrounded by them.

[00:10:30] Yeah, but if you said it's three weeks to go that far then we're at least several days from the mountains I would guess. Yeah, in fairness it's not close but you can see them from outside. Because they're mountains. Well, I'm just wondering if the mountain

[00:10:46] in this context is allegorical. Apparently they want to wake up something that'll kill them all so that's something. Kitty cat. Are you being stealthy? Hell yeah. He's a cat. How many cats do you know aren't stealthy? Well, that's a good roll. 25. Seems his old back can spot me.

[00:11:10] Real fucking stealthy. He walks towards the shadows. Step between the rain clouds. They are upstairs and they are investigating their shit. You see you see the old woman in the kitchen stirring up some food and very purposefully setting a little bit of fire

[00:11:30] that creates a lot of smoke and I need so she's like purposefully making smoke making like adding stuff to the fire to make it super smoky in the kitchen. Yeah, so it's probably a wood fire stove. Yeah. Lots of smoke coming out of that fire. She's adding leaves

[00:11:50] or she's adding reeds or greenwood something that is smoking and not burning efficiently. Yeah. Incense, etc. She's burning this under something that has let's say a chimney above it where the smoke is escaping through? No, it's like filling the room. Okay.

[00:12:14] If there was a flu, it's been closed. Wisps of smoke begin to coil up the stairway. It draws the attention of the other rooms in the halls. Who has the highest passive perception aside from the cat? Between the three of you. 14. 10 plus wisdom.

[00:12:39] Well, it's 10 plus your perception modifier or your perception. Oh sorry, yeah. The ghoul begins to smell smoke. The cat is watching the smoke happen. What do you do? She's just there feeding the fire. How's this room set up? The room itself? No, no.

[00:12:59] We went up three flights of stairs. So is this like a center stairway with a balcony and another central stairwell? Is this like a crooked stairway? Can I see the first floor from where I'm at? I'm just getting to lay in the land. It's not a loft.

[00:13:15] It is for some reason the map is like three pages backwards. I will admit these books are not laid out well. How are we going to be sponsored by Peter's and Games? Floor three. Talk shit. It's a very tight stairwell.

[00:13:29] Lucas doesn't want to rotate it to make it orient the way he wants, so... It's a very tight stairwell. It is one stairway only that goes up to the second and third floor. Can I fit between the stairwell? To where?

[00:13:43] I would like to go down at a fast pace. Preferably 9.8 meters per second squared. You would like to jump down? Oh, you would have to go down to the second floor before you could jump to the first. So jump the staircase. I proceed to bound down the staircase

[00:13:57] at a high rate of speed. Now hold on. Do you notify your friends that there is smoke? I went cut and then took off out of the room. Cool, so he says cat not smoke so you guys have no idea what's going on. Yeah, but... She's feeding this.

[00:14:13] It's gonna take a while for that smoke to start drifting. Can I act or do stuff? Like I see her feeding the fire. What would you like to do? Meow. She looks at you and sees a cat and says, You'll burn too. Okay, I'm attacking her.

[00:14:31] So she gets some tinder in there so I don't know if all the smoke's gonna reach because I am going to take this old lady down. It doesn't take long for the smoke to go up because it's tight quarters. Even though it's a three-story building, it's tight quarters.

[00:14:43] Okay. Mother Gothel down there. I'm getting heavy Mother Gothel vibes here. I hope she pulls out like cookies or something and just fucking... I got nine lives. Sure. Before we get to that, when the ghoul steps out, you see that every door stands wide open. Rage.

[00:15:05] You see that every door stands wide open. Yeah, no, all the sleepers have woken up. That's why there's no vacancy. I'm following. Please describe all the sleeping people step out and attack us. They all stand, rooted, motionless in the doorway and as one they turn their expressionless faces

[00:15:21] toward you and draw daggers and scream. Right, because that's what I would do, because it's fucking cool. You split the party. Roll me a wisdom saving throw. Fuck that! This is how dread works in this game. Dread in this game for people at home

[00:15:35] is sort of like a fear check. 16 plus a number. 18. Each shit rage. And? In total, there are three on this floor and three on the floor below you in terms of how many doors there are in this building. Because the smoke is probably like candles

[00:15:53] and it's waking them up and putting them to sleep so she just woke up all of her cultist friends which we keep this building from burning probably have some evidence. Yeah, oh yeah. D10. Also kick that old bitch's ass. Just imagine like

[00:16:09] it would be awesome if it was like old lady general grievous versus Yoda. Yeah. I think that would be fucking badass. Um... I'll just kill them in one shot. I'll do that. Oh, is this what you drew? No, this is just, this is stuck on there

[00:16:29] because Jeff didn't clean it. Oh, that's unfortunate. Yeah. That's not close enough. You said this was a tight space. Yeah, when you step into the hallway you see three individuals in the hallway. There's a stairwell about right here that goes down to the next floor.

[00:16:45] It's a big goddamn hallway. Um... You... You're in the kitchen with the old woman. Everyone roll me, uh... Roll initiative. Yes sir! That's the word. Roll initiative. 17. Oh... Now we're gonna see if Lucas really understands where some of the stat rolling comes into play. So when our...

[00:17:15] When our MacGyver wizard friend has a strength of 17... Yeah, my dice weren't betraying me right now. Put them in the microwave. I appreciate... Fodger's a microwave. You were the freezer, right? I was the freezer. Tomy was in a sock pin to his ceiling. Sock pin to the... What?

[00:17:35] Tomy was in a sock pin to his ceiling. What? Tomy's real weird. I wish he was around to play on the podcast, because it would be fucking amazing. Once every like two years, he reaches out and then we plan to meet up

[00:17:49] and then I never hear from him. Because it's Tomy. 20. 17. 19. I like it boys. I like it. Let's get shit done. Fucking wrecked shit! I'm gonna wreck it. Cody, you can go first. Rage. Cool. Pull a handaxe from my belt and run to the first cultist. Alright.

[00:18:16] Swing at him with a handaxe. Not a great roll. Not a bad result though. 9. Miss. Anything else? I took my bonus action, I took my move action, I took my attack action. Flynn, you were in a room with an old wooden. I think he was 19. Sorry, Alex. Correct.

[00:18:34] I'm still on the third floor so I have to get down to the second. Basically in a room and here while he is at the door, while he ran out the door. Yeah, you're in the room. I never made it down the stairs, he walked me back narratively.

[00:18:44] I'm right outside the hallway. The hallway doors dramatically open, Scooby-Doo style. Yep. Mannequins scrolled out went, Eeeeeeerrrrg! Because like I said, I imagine if we look in every single room we're gonna find cultist robes and candles and weird fish eye marbles and sleeping potions.

[00:19:02] In that case, I'll move out of the room. 15 of your movement? 15 of 30. Nice. Um, hmm, hmm. That is it. Where is that person standing? Yeah, I know. It just roll with it. Kill the one in front of us. Alright. I will use my light crossbow. Okay.

[00:19:26] So, let's see. That is... old hit. That's what the modifier is, because it's still probably 10. 12. Hits. Yep. In that case I will roll damage. 5. What attack did you use? I just used my crossbow. Oh. Hurts! Anything else? Bonus action? Getting shot normally does. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.

[00:20:00] Bonus action. Alright, just check this. No, I'm good. No, it's fine. I move up to the lady and I'm going to claw her. Declaw! That is a 19. Hits. Alright. Sh-sh-sh-shot! That's a 2. 2? That's 6 damage. I get her right in her ham. Tear it out.

[00:20:30] Rip into her flesh pretty good. Great! I do it again. Bonus action. Oh, because you're a monk. That is a 15. Still hits. I get her other butt sheet. I have 7. Nice. Yeah, unarmed attacks. For a monk. I guess she's not too weapon fighting. She looks real bad.

[00:20:56] Bad kitty, she says. This is the worst cat house I've ever been in. I haven't seen a single pussy. There's no tuna. Am I nothing to you? So, we in the hallway? You're in the room. He's not drawn anything. You gotta step out of the room first.

[00:21:14] It should be like 15 feet away. He was in the hallway and saw all three people in the hallway. No. He's the first person to saw all three people. Let him step you out of the room. Same difference. They're standing in the doorways.

[00:21:28] They have not moved yet because it's not their turn. Move me in front of the pink lady. 30 movement? You got 30? He's a medium sized creature. Should have 30 movement. That's good roll. 22? Those dice are really sparkly. Trident, I believe. It's probably 2D12. Plus 17. 2D12. Plus 17? 2D12 plus 17.

[00:21:58] I played this game before. I know I'm new here but I'm... What is your weapon? Trident. 2D12 plus 17. 38 damage. 47 damage. Looks real bad. Bonuses? No, the first level character. Doesn't mean you don't have bonus actions. What would be a bonus action as a first level character?

[00:22:24] Me beating that lady's ass every time. Me raging? You can one off? I don't think a cantrip counts as a bonus, does it? Depends on the cantrip. It's free because you're American. Some cantrips are bonus until you can do a bonus cantrip with a leveled spell. Correct.

[00:22:42] Some things are built that way. Art of Riser I don't think so. Space on the spell. The old woman turns... I'm feeling she's gonna hurt. She says... Pulls a dagger. 17 on the die. Is at least a 17 hit? Nope. 17 plus... It is a 17 total to hit.

[00:23:06] No, I have an 18. Yeah buddy. You just kinda out of the way. Cultist. Number 1 will attack the ghoul. There is a 10 to hit. Fuck off. Cultist number 2 will attack the triton. Oops sorry, that is a 1 on the die. Definitely a miss. And then...

[00:23:32] Cultist number 3 will also attack said triton. Is it a 13 hit? No. All kinds of misses with daggers. It goes back to the top of the order. With Cody. Attack the one in front of me. Did you lose your rage for not hitting or taking damage? He attacked me.

[00:23:52] I thought you had to take damage. You just have to attack. I thought you had to take damage. Go ahead. Cause then you would be losing your rage all the time. You just basically have to stay in combat.

[00:24:04] I copied this directly out of the books so we didn't have to look for it. Good. It ends early if you are knocked unconscious or if your turn ends and you haven't attacked a hostile creature since your last turn or taken damage. Sure. I have attacked.

[00:24:18] I play into attack. By the way, the fire is getting bigger as you continue. It's not stopped. I can push the whole hag in it. Attack the one right in front of me. Go for it. It's an 11. Hits. It is indeed. 5 damage. Down.

[00:24:48] I take a step up and attack the other one. 2 weapon fighting. I'm holding 2 hand axes. Noice. Sorry, there was actually extra damage on that but it doesn't matter at this point. It doesn't matter. That's a nat 20? Definitely. So because I'm a ghoul that was raised by...

[00:25:08] You want me to roll twice right? For the crit? Yeah, but explain what you're saying. Because I'm a ghoul raised by half works. I get savage attacks. Which means I roll a third d6. And while I can't add my modifier,

[00:25:22] I'm now rolling 3d6 plus 2 for the rage damage. This is the beginning of the build. It is not the end. You had your modifier for one of those. I don't because it's a bonus because of 2 weapon fighting. I added to the first attack. Oh yeah. You didn't stop.

[00:25:38] 6, 9, 10, 12 damage to that fuck face. That drops. Remember when I said you shouldn't put the figurines out? Yeah. I killed all three of them in the center of my hand. It's fun to play with figurines. Sure. I brought them, let me use them. Sure.

[00:25:56] I'll take it longer to pull them out of the box and it will take for me to kill them. Bonus action or are you done? The bonus action was to... Second attack. I only took 5 feet of movement. Was it an offhand? Did it have a negative to it?

[00:26:12] No. It's a dual wielding. It's 2 weapon fighting. Modifier only applies if it's negative and my modifier is not. Fair enough. If you're done then it's Alex's turn. There's still movement left, right? Yeah, you only move like 5 feet. The smoke is getting thicker.

[00:26:30] I'm jumping down to the next level. You said it was... So I'm literally going to like, bound over and drop down to the next floor. I'll put you on level 2, no problem. Boom! I drop down to the next level. Alex. Alrighty.

[00:26:46] One cultist left standing in front of the Triton. If you were to fire a bolt, you would be firing within melee. I go downstairs. I believe the Triton could take care of it. Okay. He dies up here in a fire. No! I have faith in you.

[00:27:06] It's like the fishes most horrific thing. He dies off high up in the air out of the sea. Go up there and there's a perfectly brazed fish. Like, thank you God. I'm so sorry Troy. Thank you cat god. Troy, what are you doing?

[00:27:22] Ending the life of that cultist. Not doing anything. I'm going to attack. Wait, I think I'd go before Troy. Oh yeah, that's right. He does. Sorry, yes. What are you doing? Foking this old lady up. Nope. Just cut that. She says, f***ing this old lady. Uh oh. 11.

[00:27:42] She's a regular cultist. You're good. I don't think she's a regular cultist. I bet it's 12 or 13. Okay, I'm going to smack her again with my other paw. Pow! Ooh, 14. Yeah, that I had. Pow, 7 damage. Oh lady drops. Just swipe her throat. She's gone. Boom. Still lots of smoke.

[00:28:06] Okay. End of your turn. Quick question. You do have movement, but no further actions unless you have a bonus that puts out a fire. Well I use my bonus to mark that lady. Spritz, just a little spritz.

[00:28:20] I don't think I'm going to be able to put out fire because I can't. Probably not. You know, do much. So I'm going to... You have no opposable thumbs. I'm going to head out and start going up the stairs to... Okay, running up into the smoke.

[00:28:34] My speed is 40. I'll still put you about halfway up. Okay. You're about halfway up the stairs. Again, it's not a wide area. It's not a big area, but... Yeah, it's big enough. You're halfway up the stairs to the second level. You two are on the second level.

[00:28:50] I did have a question though. I used my movement action to go down to the second floor. I never used my action though. Oh good point. So are we set up on the second floor? Oh. Because I could already start an attack on one of the cultists.

[00:29:04] Or do you want Troy to do his thing first and then we come back to me? It's up to you. I apologize. If he would like to fire one of your darts at one of the three cultists, you may. You can cast spell 2.

[00:29:18] Firebolt as a cantrip is not a bonus. It's a full action, correct? Correct. You can definitely use one of those. I will be using firebolt then. That was a good roll. Roll damage. Which one are you hitting?

[00:29:32] Oh, the furthest one since I'm sure the ghoul will be able to rush the other one. Yep, you my homie. You understand the game. You take out the back line. I will charge at the front. That doesn't have a modifier does it? No.

[00:29:48] I think it's just D10 damage. Straight D10 damage. Good. If I have a versatile weapon that I can also throw. Yes. Does the versatile count towards the throw as well? Can I throw one versus two handed? So, the damage... Do I get... Which damage do I get?

[00:30:10] I think you get the base damage. Yeah, just not two handed damage. I like the idea of you doing that though. You're also right next to someone. It is your turn. I am now. I'm thinking in the future. That's my turn. He's testing his options.

[00:30:28] Take the attack of opportunity and then throw it at him. I want to try something. Oh, max damage. 12. She did. Bunk. Run, fishman. Run. Down the stairs. You're about halfway down the stairs. The other two are on the second floor. You've already shot a bolt. Fire bolt.

[00:30:54] She did my turn. I should be in the front. I had the most movement. It was the closest to the stairs, I believe. Mm-hmm. Come at me, bitches! You've walked into my cunning trap! One attack on the goooool ghoul. Yeah. Nope. That is a 15 to hit. Nope.

[00:31:15] Second one attacks the ghoul. No, it's a 10 to hit. One attacks the dragonborn. Nope. It's a 6 to hit. My AC is 18. Brand new diet. I'm adding two modifiers to my unarmed defense and I think I still have the lowest armor class of everyone. It is now your turn.

[00:31:39] I'm just going to tell you my AC now so you know for later. I remember I told you my battle plan, right? Yeah, no. Rip. Rip. And tear. Rip and tear. Yep. Here we go! Hand axe number one! Rip. That is a 16 to hit. Hits. D6 plus 6.

[00:31:57] That's an 11. Number one is down. Alright. Hey guys what? Swinging at hand axe with my two weapon fighting! That's a 22 to hit. Oh my god. That's a D6 plus 2. What gives you the plus 2? Oh, is that rage damage? Rage damage. 6 damage. Still up.

[00:32:23] Yeah, I don't know that it's possible. I would have tempted to... knowing I'm doing less damage it would be better for me to attack the one that had already been hit but I don't think it matters in the long run. Alex.

[00:32:34] You have one right on you and you have one in front of the ghoul. The one right on me. Are you... There you are. Firebolt. Which is... that's... Gantrip. Yeah, but it's within reach. Okay, in that case I'll just switch to my dagger and just poke him.

[00:32:56] More than roll the hit took with your dagger though. Okay. I don't have combat out of defensive works now. Used to be a thing. I don't like this thing anymore. You could either do dagger or hand axe. Either one. Roll the hit with a weapon.

[00:33:10] I don't know how to do it. Woo! It hits. I can already see the number. No, it used to yeah because you're sitting there. I've got a sword and I'm trying to poke you and you're going, and you're making arcane movements.

[00:33:24] There was a feet for combat on the defensive. Fantastic. Otherwise you'd take a minus... Two minus four, some bonus action. Movement? My cantrips aren't bonus actions right now. Okay. Otherwise I'd be doing all kinds of stuff. I will bound up the rest of the stairs.

[00:33:42] Put my figure with my friends. You are now on the second floor. And now this is what you're lanking. I'm going to do a smack on that one standing feller. Smacky smacky. Yeah! 16. Hits. I like to envision... Seven damage. Dead. Balls to throat. Lots of smoke still roiling.

[00:34:08] Is that the way you're going? I like the idea that you actually hit the banister. So now you have height and like so you've... You've bounded off the wall like ricocheting, ping-ponging out of the matrix and you start at the throat

[00:34:24] and just let gravity take your poor body down to testicles. That probably makes more sense. Same idea, just in reverse. Right. Like you've angled like Sonic bouncing back and forth across the walls and then have come around and like, throat and... Honestly with the trajectory you're talking about

[00:34:40] I can see him doing a spiral pattern. Like those stars. Turn him into a fucking barber pole of claw death. Because like, okay, how do I make the next combat equal to these assholes? How do I top this? Everyone's dead and there's still a lot of smoke roiling

[00:35:02] so what do you want to do? Run because now I can run. Yeah, I will say fire in the kitchen in my meow. Bum bum bum bum bum bum Run to the kitchen and you run out of the building. Run to stop the fire, there's evidence.

[00:35:16] So you run to the kitchen. Smother it. She was unable to continue adding kindling. I hold up both hands and I just begin knocking the shit away that's on fire. I stop, drop and roll. Is there a pot or anything like that? This is the kitchen.

[00:35:34] Is there bacon soda? I have a water flask. I'll say after a few moments you're able to figure out a way to subdue said fire. There's no rules in here for it. You guys got plenty of time. She wasn't able to do what she wanted to do.

[00:35:48] Check each room. Check each room. I'll bound up the stairs. You checking each room or each person? Yes. Yeah, I'll check the people first. So loot the bodies. All seven of them which includes the old weight, old lady. I'm gonna have a... Have the pendant.

[00:36:10] Seven silver pendants of Satakwa. Eight, thank you. So each of us get two. Yes, but seven from here. Each of us get two. It's called party gold dude. That's the math works out evenly. Um... You're able to put out the fire is no big deal. Um...

[00:36:32] I assume we find cultist robes in all their things. Mrs. Vander also has a key on her for the front door. Looks like we own a brothel now, boys. Plenty of rooms. Yeah, slight smoke damage. I go and tear the sign in half where it says

[00:36:50] no vacancies or just says vacancy. It just says no. She also... All of the... All of the cultists had daggers but Mrs. Vander did hold a cemetery. Ooh! Where the fuck was she concealing a cemetery? The garter belt. It could have been maybe sitting in the kitchen.

[00:37:12] It's not described. That's your typical... She uses it to trap broccoli. It slices. It attacks the enemies of your cult. Oh my god, now I want to see somebody fighting in a kitchen with like that kind of shit. Yeah. Slicing fucking pizza with it.

[00:37:36] Speaking of those really skinny carrot slices... There's a Harrison Ford... Julian like you mean it. The fight is in the kitchen. The fight itself isn't really a big deal and that's at last more than a minute. In which case you guys would have started taking...

[00:37:54] You would have had to make constitution saving throws for disadvantage because of the smoke inhalation and trying to get down the stairs would have been on fire, they would have collapsed. None of that happened. You were able to take care of that because we now own a brothel.

[00:38:08] That's basically all you find. You don't find anything too prevalent other than more of those vials with the X label. How many? Empty or full? Every room has a small array between three and ten different vials. Empty, maybe one still full.

[00:38:26] Call it go and give it to your juice. So we have ten full vials. Sure. I will give you ten full vials of X. Go and give it to you. Where do we want to go now? You have the copper coin and the Abbey.

[00:38:42] Well now we are going to call the police. Yes. They're like let us know if you find anything important. How about nine cultists? No, you can return to the arbiter and let her know. Fuck that. Where's the nearest guardsman? There's not a fucking phone, dude. I understand that.

[00:39:02] So I'm going to walk out and grab the nearest guard and say get the arbiter. Okay. They will have to pass along the word to the arbiter and over time somebody will show up. That's fine. Then they can pay us and see all the cool shit we did

[00:39:18] and we can have lunch. Was the soup that she was making any good? I restart the fire. There was never actually any food on the stove. She was just starting the fire to fuck you up. It is a kitchen still, right? Yes. Is there food?

[00:39:36] One of the cultists is now missing a foot. You're not very peckish today. He's the only one who eats flesh so you guys can either let him go or stop him. How dare you, sir? I'm not going to stand between a hungry man and his food.

[00:39:54] I eat flesh just not human flesh. Alright. Boil it, mash it, put it in a stew. It's all the same thing. Potatoes. So while we wait for them to show up, let's make lunch. Yeah, why not? Sure. The cat and the gool are handled.

[00:40:10] The Triton eye can just cook some. Does she have a room? The old lady who runs this place? Yeah, good. Yeah, I think so. Is there a description of what that room is like? Let's investigate. Let's see, the boarding house... let's just start from the bottom.

[00:40:28] The boarding house opens to a door, opens to a common room with a fireplace with two high backed wooden benches. To the right is a closet and a staircase that goes up the second floor. Beyond the common room is a dining room, a small kitchen and a pantry.

[00:40:46] Okay. The second floor holds Mrs. Vander's room. There are two other boarder rooms. Sorry, no, three other boarder rooms. And a bathing room with a fireplace, a water barrel and a copper tub. The third floor holds four rooms including Zuzanas.

[00:41:02] Each room has a simple bed, a chest and an arm wire. Anything special in her room? It does not specify anything so I will just give you another cultish emblem which I have to get off of her body. It's not what I want.

[00:41:16] I would like to request something else. Perhaps a green cloak? I would like to request something else. Money? I would like to request something else. What would you like to request? The deed to this building. Then who owns the fucking building? Good question.

[00:41:34] I have to go to the city building. Roll for legal bullshit! Bureaucracy! Sanity roll for waiting in line! Dread! We have the key so we aren't... I think the king should buy it from us. That's basically it. Right, no we're going to report.

[00:41:56] We're going to get our fucking money. So we all get extra 30 gold. 15 gold apiece per... ...Satagwa emblem. We all get an extra 30 each right? We found the ninth one. I don't want that, I want the deed. I'll take the extra 15. Now is it gold or silver? Gold.

[00:42:16] I'm barbarian, I don't have a lot to do with money. The emblem doesn't either. I just hope someone is keeping track of my money. The emblem itself is made of silver but you are being paid in gold. Good deal. We're waiting for the bureaucrats to show up.

[00:42:30] I'm making a lovely stew. I'm hacking off indiscriminate pieces of flesh off the back of these people's backs. Are you sharing it with the cat? If anyone's interested I will happily share. Hell yeah, no you guys do what's not old enough. It's not old enough.

[00:42:42] I'm sure there's a soul you can hand out. What would you like to go from here? No commentary. You have the copper coin and the... What's it called? The Abbey of Saint. The Abbey of Saint. Who owns the building? The city at this point. Cat restart the fire.

[00:43:06] You can just let it burn. No, it's a resource. Guess what? We don't have to pay to sleep anywhere now because we own a brothel. The city has a key. It's real silly that it takes a whole minute.

[00:43:16] for the stairwell to collapse by fire, but that's the rules. This is a terrible... First thing we have to do is fix the stairway. First thing we have to do is rewrite the scenario. First things first, fix the stairs. No stairs should collapse in fire in a minute.

[00:43:28] It's the second set of stairs that have just fallen apart. It's going on in this hell. It's a whole place to catch fire apparently. I am never taking the stairs anywhere else in this game. No. It's all stairs from here on up. Oh God.

[00:43:42] It's gonna be like a big mess. It's gonna be like the stairs from here on up. It's gonna be like the stairs in fucking Mario 64. Just on and on and on and it collapses in five seconds. Never ends. Should we hit the copper coin?

[00:43:54] Because I think it's close-ish and then head out to the Abbey. Copper coin is close-ish. Is it even open tonight? It's an inn. Oh, it's an inn. Totally did it on purpose. You proved it. You go into an area

[00:44:12] in the slums, which is where the copper coin is located. And you actually have kind of a hard time finding the place. There's all kinds of people in the streets. Not if we're official police questioning someone. No, you can ask anybody you want.

[00:44:24] I pick up the nearest person. Sure. All right. Where is it? Where's what? I don't know. I forgot now the name of the copper- was it the copper coin? Okay. The copper coin. That way until you left. I'm going to take him with us. I didn't take...

[00:44:48] I've done nothing. To be sure. Guilty until proven innocent. I've done nothing. I keep caring. Because I have a feeling... Eventually, you find a really small area. A really small area. I don't know if it's close to the Abbey. I don't know if it's close to the Abbey.

[00:45:08] A really small area. A really small area with a sign that says the copper coin. The city appreciates your service. I drop him. A joke would be if his name was Garmin. What's the building look like? Old Brick Home. About two stories. It's... Covered in soot and dirt.

[00:45:34] It's filthy in here. Any signage outside? Very small sign with the words copper coin etched in it. Any, like, windows open on the second floor? No. Is there a chimney? There's a couple of chimneys, actually. Smoke coming out? Yes. I grabbed Flynn by the tail. No.

[00:46:08] I'm going to fucking eat you at something sooner or later. Is there basement access? Not that you can find. I mean, I'm going to just search around the outside and see if I can find it. There's a lot of people just outside. They all look less than wealthy.

[00:46:26] Poverty? Not necessarily homeless, but pretty fucking close. Are they just like loitering? They're just watching you. Because you're different. They probably never seen the likes of you at all. Especially since they're all human. Non-human. I will knock in the door. You knock in the door?

[00:46:46] I assume I can kick it open and go on in, because it's an inn. Yeah. Join in the conversation on Facebook at fans of the wrinkles brawl.